DESPERATE !!! PLEASE HELP!

[texmex5445]

DESPERATE !!!  PLEASE HELP!

A little over 6 weeks ago, during the bachelor’s party of a friend, I got drunk and had sex with the stripper. I received unprotected (no condom) oral sex and wore a condom for vaginal intercourse. This is my first time cheating on my wife if 16 years EVER! I started getting panicked about STD’s. My friend reassured me that I could not have caught anything from receiving unprotected oral sex from the girl, but I decided to get tested anyway last week to get my mind at ease. I got my results yesterday, I was clear of all STD’s except for HSV-2. They told me I tested positive for genital herpes type 2 and that the test was type specific and very accurate. My friend insists that I couldn’t have gotten HSV-2 from receiving unprotected oral sex, and that wearing a condom during vaginal sex protected me since there were no open sores visible on the stripper. He thinks I must have had HSV-2 for a while. These are the facts: To this day I have never had an outbreak on my genitals, never ever as long as I can remember.
The only thing I can think of is that I had one round pimple on my left buttox around 3 weeks ago. Only one pimple with a white head, close to my leg. I tried to pop it, put some acne medicine on it and it went away in one week. Occasionally I may have some inflammation around my anus, I had this for many years, put some hemorrhoid cream on it and it goes away in one day. Is it possible that I had HSV-2 for so many years without knowing as my friend says? Or did I get it from the stripper? I’ve been married for 16 years and I never had any kind of Herpes outbreaks (HSV-1 or HSV-2) and neither did my wife. She actually got tested for all types of STD’s 6 or 7 years ago, as she had a very painfull UTC, so I know she didn’t have HSV-2 at that time. I never EVER did anything to contract HSV-2 in the past 16 years with the exception of what happened at the bachelor’s party. Never cheated until 6 weeks ago, so I am really getting desperate. My friends suggested that I may have gotten HSV-2 from my wife. As I said I know she had no STD’s for sure as of 6 or 7 years ago, and I am positive she doesn’t sleep around. You have to trust me on this one, too long to explain but I know I didn’t get this from her.
I guess my questions are: Is it possible for me to have had HSV-2 for over 16years with no outbreaks? In that case is it possible for me to have HSV-2 with no outbreaks, and not to pass it to my wife? (we have unprotected sex around 2 times a month). Is there a test I can take to see if this is a new or an old infection? If my wife has no symptoms or outbreaks (believe me if she did she would know it and tell me) what are the chances of her having HSV-2 if I have it? Is my friend right that I couldn’t have gotten this from the stripper? I am so desperate. If this is a new infection, I will have to tell my wife and this will devastate her and certainly end our marriage. We have 2 little kids and I love them so much and the thought of loosing them just kills me. If this is an old infection I got before we were married and she never got infected from me, them maybe I should just keep quiet and live with the guilt. I check myself over and over and still no sores anywhere! PLEASE HELP ME!

[CJC2011]

Well I don't believe that herpes is part of a regular STD screening for most people, so there's a possibility that she does indeed have it and both of you are asymptomatic or have mild symptoms that you don't attribute to herpes.  It's definitely possible to have it for so long and not recognize it.  

So you were tested about 5 weeks after exposure?  I think about half of people that were recently infected would've tested positive by then.  What test was used?  Was it an IgG antibody test or IgM?

[world78]

How about your sexual life before marriage?
Have tested for all STD anytime before this encounter?

Is it possible for me to have had HSV-2 for over 16years with no outbreaks?
Yes possible most people havent had any symptoms or obvious symptoms.

In that case is it possible for me to have HSV-2 with no outbreaks, and not to pass it to my wife?
Very low chance to pass to partners when there is no out break but mind the viral shedding which though no outbreak virus can present on skin so possible to pass on.

If my wife has no symptoms or outbreaks (believe me if she did she would know it and tell me) what are the chances of her having HSV-2 if I have it?
In some couples one is positive and another one is negative. consider above answer.

Is my friend right that I couldn’t have gotten this from the stripper?
Possible you might not got it from this encounter, unprotected oral sex may be possible for herpes virus 1 but you are negative. Protected vaginal was very low risk.( but You may need to retest again)

What kind/type test you had for herpes?(Its very important) If you had IGG type sepfic then post your numberic value. Ex: Herpes virus 1- 2:45 and herpes virus 2- 1:10

Here herpes type IGG test are more accurate after 3 months of last risk encounter. Right now cant do anything unless you have any sore get swab test right way because the virus is very active for first 48 hrs.

[texmex5445]

Thank you for the post.
My wife got tested for EVERYTHING around 6 years ago, I am almost certain.
I was tested by a Type sensitive Blood test 6 weeks after exposure and tested positive for HSV-2. I will ask for the test results and post them today.
I received unprotected oral sex and had regular intercourse with a condom, and the girl looked very clean. I am wondering if it is more likelly that I had HSV-2 for over 16 yers as I never tested for it before, and if I did, is it possible for my wife to this day to still be negative?

[texmex5445]

Thank You for helping me.

I never tested for HSV or any other STD's  before the encounter with the exception of HIV (negative). I tested for all STD's about 6 weeks after the encounter and tested negative to all with the exeption of HSV-2.
My sexual life before marriage was I guess active, had a few partners with unprotected intercourse and got tested for HIV only to make sure I was clean.
I was tested by a Type sensitive Blood test 6 weeks after exposure and tested positive for HSV-2. The test came back yesterday and I had no outbrakes af any kind with the exeption of one round pimple on my left buttox around 3 weeks ago. Only one pimple with a white head, close to my leg. I tried to pop it, put some acne medicine on it and it went away in one week. Occasionally I may have some inflammation around my anus, I had this for many years, put some hemorrhoid cream on it and it goes away in one day. This is it. No ther syntoms EVER.  I will ask for the test results and post them today. Please look at them when I post them and tell me what you think.

[gracefromHHP]

Looking "clean" has absolutely nothing to do with std risk.  

you absolutely did not  get hsv2 from oral sex. You could've gotten it from protected genital sex - condoms only reduce the risk of that by about 30%.  Since odds are you've never been tested for herpes before to know your status previously, not easy to find out if this is new or not if you really do have hsv2. If it really matters, you can pay to have the  herpes avidity testing done at the U of washington. It won't be covered by insurance so it's about $100-$150 out of pocket.  

Once you post your exact test results, I can better help you with them.  Then we can see if you need additional testing or not to confirm your status.  

have you talked to your wife about this incident? She should check to see if she really was tested for herpes or not when she had her last testing. odds are she wasn't.

grace

[texmex5445]

Grace, thank you so much for posting, after looking around the board I really appreciate your input about this.

I have never cheated on my wife in 16 years EVER! This first stupid drunken incident may risk ending a 16year happy marriage with 2 precious twin girls stuck in the middle.
My paranoia and guilt made me take all possible STD tests 6-7 weeks after the "incident". All came back negative with the exeption of HSV-2 I am hoping that the HSV-2 positive result is the product of an old infection I may have contracted 16 years ago and have had no symptoms of. I have never been tested for HSV in my life till last week and never had any symptoms. My wife never had any types of outbreaks and neither have I. I am almost positive she was tested for HSV either 7 years years ago when she had a very severe UTI or again 5 years ago when we had our twins. Almost positive she was tested as I think they tested her for everything. If I have an old dormant infection for the past 16 years, then maybe I can just let this issue rest as if she has not gotten any symptoms or outbreaks in the past 16 years, then she may not be infected at all or be asymptomatic like me. If this is a new infection I just got from receiving unprotected oral sex or having vaginal sex with a condom, then I will have to let her know, have her tested and my marriage will end and I will never see my girls again! I am so desperate and worried! I still to this day have no sores at all anywere and I check several times a day! There is any way for me to know if this is an old infection that I carried through 16 years of marriage? Help, this can really end my marriage and I don't know what to do!

[texmex5445]

Got My Test results!

Test Name
HSVII Ab IGG RES
HSVII IGG Interp

Method EIA

9.95 H POSITIVE    <0.99 NEGATIVE

What does this all mean?
Is this an old well established 16year old infection or a new 7 week old infection?
Is there a chance of a false positive? (9.95 seems like a really high number)

[texmex5445]

Got My Test results!

Test Name
HSVII Ab IGG RES
HSVII IGG Interp

Method EIA

9.95 H POSITIVE    <0.99 NEGATIVE

What does this all mean?
Is this an old well established 16year old infection or a new 7 week old infection?
Is there a chance of a false positive? (9.95 seems like a really high number)

[texmex5445]

Got My Test results!

Test Name
HSVII Ab IGG RES
HSVII IGG Interp

Method EIA

9.95 H POSITIVE    <0.99 NEGATIVE

What does this all mean?
Is this an old well established 16year old infection or a new 7 week old infection?
Is there a chance of a false positive? (9.95 seems like a really high number)

[texmex5445]

Got My Test results.

Test Name
HSVII Ab IGG RES
HSVII IGG Interp

Method EIA

9.95 H POSITIVE    <0.99 NEGATIVE

What does this all mean?
Is this an old well established 16year old infection or a new 7 week old infection?
Is there a chance of a false positive? (9.95 seems like a really high number)

[Still_Worried_]

9.95 makes it unlikely you acquired this infection from one act of protected sex 6 weeks ago.  It is more likely you had HSV prior to your marriage.

Your wife should also be tested.  I know this is a difficult subject to approach with her, but her testing 6 years ago may not have included HSV.  It is possible to go 16 years without transmitting it to her, as the risk for her, even with unprotected sex, is only 10% a year.  If she is still negative, it is up to you if you two would like to take any precautions (condoms, you on suppressive therapy).  However, her risk of contracting it from you after 16 years is probably very low.

[Still_Worried_]

I also just wanted to add that (if she was, in fact, NOT tested for HSV at all throughout your marriage or before it) and she tests positive now, it is also possible SHE brought it into the marriage.

Although I'm not excusing your actions, everyone makes mistakes, so try not to get too overwhelmed with guilt.  

[texmex5445]

Thank you for your post. One drunken bachelor's party and here we are. If I have an old, 16year asymptomatic HSV-2 infection, then at least I can feel better about not bringing this into my marriage now. Is there a test that can tell how long I've been infected? If I was infected 16years ago and not 7 weeks ago then at least If my wife has no HSV-2 infection by now, that means we made it for 16 years, and we could salvage our marriage and still be together sexually as we always did. If this is a new infection then all changes. Then I made irreparable damage to her life and our marriage.It's hard to live with such guilt.

[gracefromHHP]

no reason to post your test results repeatedly. we all see what you post.  

You have no way of knowing if this is an old hsv2 infection or not. contrary to what still_worried posted, you can have that result at this point. The avidity test I mentioned is the only test we have available that can help you figure out if it's old or new. You need it done sooner rather than later if you are interested in getting it.  all it will tell you is if your infection is likely to be less than 4 months old or not.  

one way or another you should discuss this with your wife. Up to you if you want to be honest with her about recent incidents or if you want to make up a lie like your doctor did blood testing and did herpes testing as part of routine testing or not.   Odds are she's noticed that something is up with you no matter how well you think you are hiding things.

[world78]

Is there any time period for Avidity test from first exposure/encounter?

[world78]

"Then I made irreparable damage to her life and our marriage.It's hard to live with such guilt" Everyone go through this kind of anxiety after/suspected that they may have STD but you will be alright its just takes some time..Lets says you got this virus before the marrige and you are unaware of this untill now, you found out now by chance! so no point of feeling guilty.

Have had sex(unprotected) with your wife after this bachelor's party encounter?
Consider Grace response, right now you need support not only from this forum so talk to wife.

[Still_Worried_]

Can you REALLY get a 9.95 value in as little as 7 weeks??

Have you personally seen/heard of people going from negative to over 5 in that amount of time?

That boggles my mind.

[gracefromHHP]

your igg result doesn't get higher and higher over time.  Not unusual at all to have that result that early.

[Still_Worried_]

Hmmmm, my HSV I score skyrocketed over time.  I contracted it probably 10 years ago.  I used to test way under 5, now I'm over 7.   Is that just test fluctuation?

[gracefromHHP]

you can get different results even if you test 2 days in a row. a positive is still a positive even though it will vary sometimes.

after 20+ years of being infected, I only have a hsv2 igg of 3.1 . it's about the individual body more than anything.

[Still_Worried_]

That's very interesting.  Thank you.

[gracefromHHP]

your children are not an issue. herpes is a sexually transmitted infection and we don't have that sort of contact with our children. nothing special to do because you have kids.

if your wife has questions just write them down here and we'll answer them for her ( or perhaps ask them on the ashastd message board where you haven't posted and I'll answer them there so you can show them to her and not have other incidents available for her to see ).

grace

[texmex5445]

UPDATE:
I bit the bullet and told my wife that I had blood-work done because of a small rash and the test came back positive for herpes. Obviously she was very upset, got tested as well, and came back positive for HSV-2. She was told by her doctor that since she had no outbrakes that had noticed thus far, that she may never experience one, and that made her feel better. The question about how did HSV-2 enter our lives still remains.
As I was told that my stupid Bachelor's party adventure may have nothing to do with HSV-2, I selfishly choose not to add to our family problems by admitting to it. My wife is mostly worried about our twins and how to keep them from getting infected. Thank you all for the advise and valuable information I got on this board.

[petal130]

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/Is-there-a-test-I-can-take-to-see-if-I-have-a-new-or-an-old-HSV-2-infection/show/1388400

As Dr. H stated, your twins can't get infected unless they have sexual contact with you or your wife, period. There's a reason it's called a sexually transmitted disease.