Stressing out because I just found out...

[Aneuf23]

Hi -

I've been doing a lot of reading over the past week or so about Hsv-2, and there are so many people out there that seem to be suffering like I am. I got married in June of this year to my wife who I have been with for many years now. Last week at a routine physical, the Dr. decided to take blood to make sure I was okay. Even though I didn't ask for it, they gave me a Herpes test. When I went back for my results, I was shocked to find out that I had herpes (not to mention that I was even tested for it). Either way, I'm glad I know. I love my wife very much and want to make sure she's protected against it - she's going to be tested next week to find out if she has it.

My questions are:
1) Since I have HSV-2, I've had it for many years and am nervous that I'm some sort of infectious disease spreader without even knowing it... Do you have any advice on how to manage that? I've only had intercourse with my wife and my girlfriend in high school I lost my virginity too (and she to me) but in between the two there have been other "hook ups" and oral sex. Could I have spread it to any of my exes without intercourse years ago? Is it worth calling everyone up and saying "hi, how have you been the last decade, by the way...."

I've really been putting probably too much thought into this...

2) Over the years I definitely have put my hand on other peoples genitals and then my own and vice a versa. Could this be how I got it? I really have only had intercourse with two people - there is a chance my wife could have given it to me. But at the same time if that's the case it could have been transmitted to anyone else over the years right?

Thanks for the help.

[Aneuf23]

Oh yea I remember reading about that on someone elses post. I'm going to order it now.

[gracefromHHP]

definitely going on suppressive therapy when you are trying to have a family is a good idea. her contracting herpes during pregnancy would be one more stress she won't need then!

I highly recommend Terri Warren's book "the good news about the bad news". It's under $15 on amazon and it goes into far more detail than her free herpes handbook. it really covers the psychological side of having herpes in a lot of detail and is well worth reading. it might help you better get "ok" with you having had hsv2 all this time and never realized it.

[Aneuf23]

Yea, I guess I'm just making that one girl the reason I got hsv-2 because I can't nknow for sure who gave it to me and that's driving me nuts. Honestly, telling her would just upset her and to be honest it was so long ago now I guess it's a bad idea...

I went back to my Dr. and asked her about daily suppressive meds and she didn't think I needed to be on it since I don't get outbreaks, and my wife doesn't seem to care one way or another if I'm on them or not. So for now I'm not on anything. My Dr. said if I really want to I can be but I'm married and faithful so she said not to really worry.

Her doctor is going to monitor her annually and when we want to have kids keep a close eye on her. If she remains free of hsv-2 I may go on it while we're trying to have babies.

You've been really great Grace, and honestly you nailed it in the first line of your response. I need to be OK with it - I just haven't figured out how to do that yet. I don't like the unknown, and not knowing where I got this is driving me nuts.

Thank you.

[gracefromHHP]

your wife is ok with all of this from the sounds of things. now you have to get ok with it all.  are you on daily suppressive therapy now?

you making out with someone during your 'break' probably isn't worthwhile bringing up now. it wasn't a herpes risk but if you just feel the need to get it off your  chest to your wife, by all means then get it out into the open so that you can stop worrying about it. it was a break so whatever happened, happened and really isn't a reason to feel bad about at this point don't you think?

[Aneuf23]

Hey -

I didn't get it...

[Aneuf23]

Also sorry, apparently I sent this to you as a message yesterday I didn't mean to.

[Aneuf23]

Hey Grace -

I have a question for you. We had some back and forth recently regarding my newly found Hsv-2 status (only a month ago now). You had suggested not to contact prior partners because it wasn't worth the stress and I agree - I want my life back. But I'm having a hard time talking to my wife about me having hsv-2 due to my anxiety.

Her test results came back negative this week which I am really happy about. She hasn't gotten it in however many years I've had it and that makes me feel better. However I need a Woman's advice. My wife is fine with the fact I have it and has actually encouraged me to move on and stop worrying about it - which I've been having trouble doing.

5 1/2 years ago her and I were on a 'break.' She chose to be on it not me, she didn't live with me yet and we were still dating at the time and she lived 3 hours upstate from where I live now (where we currently live together). During that time we were having a lot of issues and arguing constantly. One night a friend of mine was hanging out and she ended up sleeping in my bed. We did not have intercourse but we did make out a bit. There may have been some touching but nothing more that I can remember. I even missed my now wife so much during the encounter I went out to sleep on the couch and haven't spoken to this girl I hooked up with since - she was gone by the time I woke up. I did it because I was sad and angry and thought my now wife would never come back to me - plus I was 22, and an idiot to be honest.

Ever since learning of my hsv-2 status I've been overanalyzing everything I've ever done - including this hookup during my 'break.' Would you think I should tell my wife what happened with this girl 5 1/2 years ago? My heart is telling me not to especially since the chances she gave me herpes is slim and my Wife and I just got married in June and are really happy. I have had oral from 3 girls and only intercourse with my High School girlfriend so I guess I'm just trying to find answers...which I likely will never definitively know.

Do you think I should just move on? I love my wife very much and would never have an extramarital affair. She means everything to me I just feel horrible about having gotten married without knowing I had hsv-2 first.I feel like ever since I found out all I'm doing it looking back to the past and drudging up all the negative stuff my wife and I worked so hard to get passed together.

Let me know what you think - I appreciate it.

[gracefromHHP]

no way at all at this point.

[Aneuf23]

Hi Grace -

Another question for you - is there any way to know how long I've had hsv-2 based on the 4.1 igG result? I didn't think there was, but I just thought i'd ask.

[gracefromHHP]

if you think of any more questions - just ask :)

[Aneuf23]

Geez, Grace I lost my manners.

Thank you so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

[Aneuf23]

Hey Grace -

No problem, I walked down to the Dr. office right after you asked for the numbers.

To be honest, I don't feel that great about the potential I could have transmitted it to someone else over the last 9 years but I didn't know I had it. And because it's been so long, even if my wife is negative, and even if I did get it back in high school I don't think it's worth stressing over either. If someone else got it in the last however many years it could have been from anywhere.

I think I'll focus on living a happy life and not to worry about what I may or may not have transmitted to who, cause it could be no one.

Andrew

[gracefromHHP]

thank you for getting that for me.  

A hsv2 igg of 4.1 has less of a chance of being a false positive. If your wife tests negative for hsv2, I recommend a herpes WB though just to confirm your status. You can still have false positives in that range and since you've never had symptoms that you are aware of, it's worth confirming if your wife tests negative. If she also tests +, less likelihood that you both have false positives. make sense?

I rarely recommend contacting prior partners. It's usually just not worth the stress of doing so. All of them are adults who should be getting tested as needed themselves to keep an eye on their status.  If you had just had a partner say a month or two ago then I would've recommended it but you are married now and your last partners were awhile ago now so it's just not worth it since you have no idea how long you've had it.  If you really feel obligated to do it then by all means do it. You can also see if your local health department will contact them anonymously for you if you want.

[Aneuf23]

Hey Grace -

Got the results:

Herpes II IgG: Above High Normal 4.1   OD Ratio <1.10  

What do you think?

[Aneuf23]

Okay Grace, I'll get the results - just sent my Dr. an email so I'll post them as soon as they come in.

In terms of the other stuff, is there any advice about letting all the ex's know? I had no idea and now I feel bad. Not sure what to do.

Thanks again.

[gracefromHHP]

first things first - can you call and get the test results to post here for me to look at? all I need to see are the actual numeric results - e.g. hsv1 igg 4.6 and hsv2 igg 1.2 or whatever they are. that way I can make sure you had proper testing done and see if you need additional confirmatory testing done to confirm your hsv2 status.  

also I can help with your wife's test results when she gets hers too. odds are neither of you have ever been tested for herpes before.

grace