The other woman

[mami1323]

Did you ever ask questions about the other woman and finally get some questions answered?  Well I did on Saturday.  My fiance went out to eat and we got to talking about why the affair happened and what we could've done differently and how glad we were to be able to talk about it and not be angry.  Well we started talking about the w hore and I asked if he ever considered being with her if we ever did break up.  He said that he never saw himself with her in that way.  That he had feelings but he knew that she wasn't the type of woman he could have a relationship with.  She was almost 40 with no kids and never ever uttered a word about his kids.  She never asked about them at all.  I know she wouldn't ask about Jayden since I got pregnant with him during their affair and I'm sure she wasn't thrilled about him.  But how could you not show interest in this man's children?  So to him that was a big no-no.  Then another thing she would do was start fights with him because she was jealous when she would see him talking to other women in the gym.  She would accuse him of cheating.  Now that is the strangest thing I've ever heard.  First of all, he's not hers to get jealous over, he was mine.  Second, how can you accuse him of cheating when in fact he is cheating on me with her?  I mean are you for real?  But the thing is, I asked these questions, but finding out that she would behave this way made me angry all over again at her.  Like she had nerve.  He did say though that it was getting down to the end anyway when I found out, because he knew she wanted more but he didn't ever want to leave me.  

[mami1323]

Richie isn't as insecure as he was when he was having the affair.  I guess he had a guilty conscience and now he doesn't.  So to me, he's definitely less jealous than before.  I think your husband fears that you will leave him because he sees you unhappy and knows that you are not over it.  I get more I love you's now and more affection and attention, that's for sure.  But I'm not complaining about it because I was deprived from it for so long that I'm milking it for every drop...lol.

Looking back at the times he went missing or spent the night out or changed his clothes before work and said he was going here or there, I never skipped a beat, I knew then what was up, I just didn't have proof.  Finding out about the affair just confirmed my feelings and that is all.  

[lor662]

I would like to ask,,now looking back when they were haveing an affair,,can you pin point all the lies excuses change of clothes etc,,and say i remmember when he told me this?and he was there,,what thing did you miss and now looking back you think how you could have missed it,,,thanks

[lor662]

Also have you noticed a jealousy on there part now,,my husband is so insecure with me,,i notice alot of times i will glance at a man not thinking,,and he will say you like that?and have this look on his face,,that honestly he deserves,,also he never did this befor,,tells me how pretty i am every day,,and tells me he loves me about 100 times a day,,i will tell him you should havehought of that befor you showered and whent to get screwed,,i tell him everyday he can leave me,,and he is free to go

[mami1323]

I understand better now, it was hard for me to get why you would stay with him when you are so clearly upset and angry.  I wish you could get to where I'm at because it's such a happier place but if you are comfortable with where you at then more power to you.  I just don't want you to look back on your life years from now and say, why did I waste my time in an unhappy marriage?  When you could make the changes now.  I've thought all the things you have, don't get me wrong.  I was upset knowing that he could've inevitably carried on a disease to me and our son.  That infuriated me, from what he tells me he was always protected but hey I will never know.  I'm mad that he wasted time and energy on her, rather than on me.  I'm upset that he spent some holidays with her instead of with me and his son and his family.  I'm angry knowing that he had feelings for her.  But I've pushed all that to the back so that I could be with him and enjoy our life.  I guess all you can do is take it one day at a time.  I hope you find peace some how.

[lor662]

I cannot express enough to tell you,, you are a strong and determend woman and i sincerly am glad you are in that place for you and your family,,but as you know how my story goes,,he also financialy ruined us also,,and for a woman he barley new,,and as he had unprotected sex and made the decision to sleep wih me without my knoledge of this unprotected sex behaviour,,he did not even respect me enough for that also,,in this day and time no one should take itupon themselves to imaturely,,give no respect in that department,,it was not considered enough to make a choice to sleep with him knowing he did not use protection,,were are my feelings here,,looks like he had none for me,,but when he got caught ,,wow all the love for me was there,,and if he didnt get caught,,i would of never know anything,,and he would have liked it,,i feel i have alot more issues with him,,and i know i will never ever be were you are,,i i honestly dont fully whant to,,im happy as it goes and i now take it day by day,,but i will not hold back for any one who will come into my life,,i have lost respect for him along with love,,and i will not believe in his words,,and i will never no truths from lies beause he is a master of deseption,,i know there are lots of woman out there who feel the same as me,,and cannot get to where you are,,and im ok with that cause my life with him is what it is and h knows it,,he is so insecure now,,and he has a right to be after what he hs done to us and are family,,i will never shake it

[mami1323]

Yes, he does prove himself every day to me.  He wants to be better for me...he knows he messed up and he knows the consequences of messing up again.  There wouldn't be a second time for him, it would be over and I know he wouldn't want to lose his family.  It takes so much time to heal and there really isn't a timeframe of getting over things but if you feel like after the year is up and you are still feeling the same that you have from day one, then it's time to re-evaluate if this relationship is going to make it and if this is where you want to be.