Hello, ever since I was a little kid I've always experienced dramatic and inexplicable mood changes based on fluctuations of my own body.
For instance, till a few years prior, I would masturbate constantly ever since I was a toddler. I would masturbate once a day but I would notice that I would have absolutely no mental energy to do much of anything. I wouldn't have energy or a desire to even perform basic, daily tasks like showering, brushing one's teeth, etc. Or to even socialize with people.
But ever since I began to obstain from masturbation, the longer I seem to go w/o releasing sexual energy, the more 'normalized' my sense of self has become. My mood is elevated, I feel the natural desire/urge to do basic daily life tasks, and I have energy to do things and to go out like normal people. My personality is also less grumpy, easily agitated, and more patient and calm.
It also appears, out of experimentation, that there is a positive correlation with fluency in mental capacity. My handwriting has steadily increased, my verbal eloquence is sharper, my spatial intelligence, attention span, etc. seems greatly enhanced and I feel that my brain is now using its 'normal' potential for the first time since I was born. Fundamentally in a nut shell, the longer I obtain from masturbation the sharper my mental cognition gets.
But if I begin to masturbate constantly again or release sexual energy, all of these mental capacities seem to inexplicably diminish again and my sense of 'self' and personality goes back to how I was once before...lack of energy and I'm a completely different person, albeit subtly.
Does anyone know why this is and if I'm the only one experiencing mood and cognition changes based on sexual consistency? Could this be a hormonal imbalance in the brain?
How do I maintain that 'normal' sense of self when I'm not masturbating but maintain it while releasing sexual energy? It seems like a see-saw paradox, I can't have one or the other.
I know this sounds bizarre but I've talked to other of my friends about it and they don't get it. Much appreciated if anyone can help me out and answer these questions. Thanks.