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I am an adult victim, looking for other victims of Munchausen by Proxy...

(now called Factitious Disorder Imposed on Another or sometimes Medical Absuse). Though it started when I was a toddler, it carried on into adulthood and has disabled me. I am looking for other victims or proxies to talk to.
I wrote this as part of a comment on a related post, and to give you a bit of detail of what my life is like still to this day, I have just copied and pasted it to save time.

I am trapped. I've told multiple doctors what I suspect (I know not suspect, but doctors don't want to hear this) is causing my detioration and why I've been undiagnosable and ill on and off my entire life, and the most I got was "well, testing for that is pretty expensive" to which all I could really say was "Oh... Really?" With a look of utter defeat. Wtf??? I imagine he thinks I have Munchausen Syndrome and that my claiming to be a proxy for someone who truly has Munchausen by proxy, was part of my fabrication for testing and attention. I didn't figure that out til later though. I left with an order for an MRI for my back which is obviously messed up, and the primary reason for my visit and nothing else said about the rest of my problems. I only told him what i thought because I was afraid I was dying. I had lost 35 pounds in about a month and hadn't been able to gain ot back,though I'd been trying for about two years. I am 5"9" and weighed only 102lbs when I went to see him. He seemed caring, more than most doctors anyway. I figured if he didn't believe me, he might put me on a psych hold. I was fine with that. Because if they dig, just a little, I know they will uncover the truth. My family doctor died when I was 11 and my mother wouldn't get me another. She just started taking me to urgent care for everything. She insisted I had asthma. I didn't. I don't. If doctors weren't too afraid to find out the ugly truth in situations like these, maybe I wouldn't still be trapped. Maybe I would be healthy. The evidence was there. Why did they look the other direction? My entire working life (I started working at McDonald's at 14 because I thought if I started asap I could move out as soon as I was of age and get away from the abuse), every time I would start to save money, or even just get recognition at work for being good at things, I would get really sick. Too sick to work. I would work through it as long as i could, but eventually I would either get fired for calling in or I would simply be too sick and would have to quit.When When I did move out, she would always have a key to my house and she'd send me care packages of food, and when I moved out of state, she would drive four hours each way at least once a month. If i didn't answer my phone when she called (and she called anywhere between five to 25+ times a day, the five call days were days I obediently picked the phone up on the dirst ring and conversated properly the first five times AND she was having a busy or good day), I ran the risk she would just show up. When I moved three states away, she flew up at least every few months and the incessant calling increased. She would send "care packages" full of food and goodies. Each time, I ended up being unable to hold a job due to illness. I am didn't figure out what she was doing until my mid thirties. When you live your whole life being abused, you don't reallh know it's happening. You don't know it's abuse anyway. And when eating has made you sick since you were tiny, you don't really put things like that together. You don't think, "Oh, every time I get sick I've recently eaten mom's cooking," especially when you're a child. Then by the time you're an adult your body is so messed up from whatever was in the food (all signs point to heavy metals, which are still used today in the US, in pesticides you by at any grocery) that you're symptomatic all of the time, making it near impossible to nail down what is wrong. All the while, good ol' overly involved but probably just caring Mom, is by my side. Taking me to the ER or urgent care for my myriad of issues from something resembling Strep throat with the white crap in the throat and all, but sins any strep on the culture (or anything else for that matter) to Mono to severe respiratory distress. And if she was causing all this, certainly she wouldn't be forking out all the cash and standing by my side so supportively, right? Wrong!!! That's all part of the illness and of course, not getting caught. It took her nearly killing me and my significant other for me to realize what she had been doing to me my entire life. Anyhow, I really didn't plan on writi g so much, but the other responses were just so painfully naive, or maybe ignorant, I felt compelled to describe how this happens. We want to make a change. This is happening to me which means it is happening to others as well. I believe part of the problem is the idea that some of these people have which is that since Munchausen by Proxy, or as it is now called, Factitious Disorder Opposed on Another, is a solely a mental health issue so other physicians don't know or don't need to know much about it. That is wrong and it needs to change. The name change is a start. "Imposed on Another" is tbe part we need to pay attentuon to. The person who is I'll is NOT going to seek help. What they are doing is CRIMINAL and also incredibly taboo or frowned upon by society. That's why the proxy is the only way they're going to be able to find these people out. It crosses the line into the general practitioners area because these people PHYSICALLY DAMAGE their victims. The way things are currently, these cases don't get found out until someone dies. It almost took that for me and I'm still in danger now. If I live through this I want to make a difference. If she kills me, maybe my case will be the one that changes things. I don't want that. I want to live and I want to found a non-profit to help people in situations like mine. There's no woman's shelter where I live unless you're a victim of domestic violence. I explained that I am a victim of domestic violence, explaining the situation in further detail, and I was interuppted to be told that what I am experiencing is in fact not domestic violence, that domestic violence is when it's a romantic partner. Wrong again. If you read this, thank you. I am grateful. Even if you don't believe it. I think k that's the other issue. People don't want to believe this happens. A mother hurting her child. And in such a way. I'm ready to make people look. I would really like to talk to anyone else who has gone through something similar or who is still. I will keep checking back. For safety reasons  It's a very isolating thing to go through (not to mention the isolation caused by the abuser intentionally to cut you off from the rest of the world, including the rest of your family).  Alright, concluding has never been my forte. Thanks for reading. Nhazon, I hope we can chat.
1 Responses
Avatar universal
I think you've posted before, if I remember correctly, about this.  What's confusing is you claim to be sick and have been sick since you were a child but then claim a disorder where you are in fact not at all sick but someone caring for you pretends that you are as a form of control and abuse.  So I guess the question is, are you actually sick or not?  You're an adult and don't live with your Mom anymore so it seems you're claiming she is trying to poison you with here care packages?  Again, if that's what you suspect, why would you eat the food?  I don't say this because I have a clue what your life is like and was like, but just to say it doesn't sound consistent.  You have lost jobs continually because you claim to have in fact been ill much of your life.  We really have no choice on this site but to take what folks say and go from there, but if we're going to be of any help to you and if anyone is to trust you enough to rely on you for support, we all kind of have to know if what you're saying is true or if something else is going on here.  Peace.
It took me a while to decide whether or not to address this very trollish comment and/or the person behind it, because as a general rule, I don't dignify trolls with a response and I certainly don't engage with them. However, after much consideration, due to the misinformation in their comment, I've decided to address the comment, and to a lesser extent, the commenter.

To the commenter, Paxiled:
I'd like to start by saying that if you indeed want to help, you would have first read my entire post. Secondly, you wouldn't make baseless assumptions and follow them to inaccurate conclusions. Lastly, you would be knowledgeable about the condition you are weighing in on, or at the very least, care enough to be inclined to Google it.

If you really want the answers to your questions you posted here, then read my post. It's all in there. And no, I didn't post somewhere else, with the exception of the comment on another thread on this forum, which I referred to in my post, as the majority of it is a copy and paste, as I stated. This is all I have to say directly to you.

To anyone else who may be reading this:
I must address the fact that this person doesn't seem to understand what Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is all about. Apparently, they are one of the few people out there who hasn't heard of Gypsy Rose or the show The Act. Watch it. It's a great show, and does a great job depicting many of the ways someone with MSbP victimizes their proxy. I guess the commenter is also unfamiliar with Google. For the love of all things holy, GOOGLE things before making ****** remarks to strangers on the internet. Thank you to those of you who do utilize google; those remarks weren't for you.

Since it is too much to ask (for some), I've done it for them. The top result gives a excellent basic description:
"Munchausen syndrome by proxy (MSbP) is a mental health problem in which a caregiver makes up or causes an illness or injury in a person under his or her care, such as a child, an elderly adult, or a person who has a disability."
So sometimes, the perpetrator, the person who is actually mentally ill, will induce illness (physical and/or psychological) and/or intentionally cause injury. There's a never-ending variety of ways someone can do this. I would list a few examples, but I don't want to accidentally give anyone any ideas they didn't already come up with on their own for hurting other people.

I'd like to finish by saying that I'm simply looking for others who have gone through something similar to me. Due to the fact that people seem to think something magical must happen when the victim reaches adulthood that let's them break free of their captures, there's not much support out there for adult victims of MSbP. I would like to change that.

I'm looking to make real change regarding the way this is treated in our society. I've managed to find a few other people who have posted their stories in various places around the web, so I know that this is happening to more people than me. Other people who have had doctors blow them off too. Tell me, what would it hurt to go through with the heavy metal testing? The implication here when they won't do testing, is that the patient is lying. If the patient is lying about such things, the patient should really be psychologically evaluated. This kind of lie could suggest the patient has Munchausen Syndrome (not by proxy), which if not caught right away can cost the healthcare system a lot of money. It also is a condition that can easily morph into MSbP where the person starts hurting other people they care for. Why not psych hold someone like that? Either way, the patient needs to be further evaluated, not sent on their way to do damage somewhere else. If I was a little more like Gypsy, someone would probably be dead, and I would argue the doctor, who chose to discharge me after I told him what I thought was happening and asked to be tested, should be held liable.

I would like to say just one last thing. In his comment, Paxiled called into question my integrity, stating, "we all kind of have to know if what you're saying is true or if something else is going on here." To that I would simply like to quote Mr. Rogers: "Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying." This rings very true for me, especially in regards to what I have written here. It was very difficult, it was very painful, and it took me a long time. And to top it off, what's written here is not even the tip of the iceberg. Hopefully, those of you who I am trying to reach out to will read my posts, not be swayed by trolling comments, and make up your own minds about my character.

If anyone is interested in helping me make some serious change, please email me at stop.the.***@****. I think sharing our stories is where we start.
Me a troll?  If you read this website, which I've been on for years and years, you'd know I am not nor have a I ever been a troll.  I am not on any social media other than this site, which I came to seeking answers for a problem that is rare.  I have been trolled, but I have never trolled.  I am, however, more concerned that people who post on here get better than I am comforting them.  That does make me different from most others on here.  Having grown old suffering from mental illness despite a lot of effort to get better, I do not want anyone else to make the same mistakes I made.  MedHelp doesn't allow us to tell folks to google anything, as they see this website as the place to get good info, but I did in fact google your issue when you first rose it because it sounded interesting and I knew nothing about it.  But I also can't help but notice you didn't respond to the contradictions I raised in your account, not to troll you but to make sure you had what you think you have.  A lot of people come on here having diagnosed themselves, which is nearly impossible, or have been labeled with something that they then take to define who they are when it's not the correct label and which makes getting better harder because treatments vary depending on the diagnosis.  I stand by every issue I raised and it was not intended to troll you but to get more info and make you think a bit because you are citing a condition that is uncommon and then you cite circumstances that don't conform with that diagnosis.  All you had to do was cite who diagnosed you and answer the contradictions, which would have allowed everyone on this site to offer some wisdom that might actually get you to heal, not just feel temporary comfort for whatever it is that is not only bothering you but making you so intensely angry.  I get anger.  My life was ruined by a bad psychiatrist, and I am rabidly angry about it, but that doesn't mean that anger gets applied to anyone else.  It's mine to deal with.  My only wish for you is that you find peace in your life and get past whatever it is that is truly bothering you and making you unhappy.  If that is trolling to you, I apologize.  Peace.
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