How is everyone doing this?

[lucifaye]

How is everyone doing this? I miscarried on 7/7 and had a d and c on 7/8. It's been two and a half weeks and everyone else seems to expect me to move on. I can't. I'm so depressed I don't want to leave my room. It's horrible. I keep thinking horrible things about how this is my fault and about how I was carrying around my dead baby for six weeks not knowing. Without a clue.

My husband's faith let's him take comfort and while I had faith before this, I surely don't feel much now. It seems like if there is a God, why would he take away my baby. I would have loved it, no matter what. I did love it and the baby will never know that. And that's tearing me up inside. That it will never know it was was wanted and loved, instead my body treated it like waste. It just hurts so much to have something you wanted so much taken away from you and then be told, "it was for the best". Or "it's better off in heaven" I'm sorry to offend anybody but no it's not, it would be better with me. I would love it everyday. I could hug and kiss it and hold it in my arms. It would have two older sister to love and play with. It would have made our family whole. It wouldn't have been better anywhere exept in my arms where it could feel loved and wanted, but now it will never get that and I don't know how to go on living like normal, like everything's okay. I didn't want an angel in heaven, I wanted my baby right here in my life, growing in my belly. How can anything be normal after this?

[pb95]

I think I will think about it every day for the rest of my life and will never truly get over it but it will get easier.  I know the empty space you feel, as my family still does not seem complete eventhough I have 2 beautiful kids already.  They want to pretend it is still in my belly and telling them that isn't a good idea breaks my heart.  My kids keep me going though.  I still need to give them a sibling so I am crazed waiting until we can try again.  If it would have survived and then died after they saw it I don't know how I could have protected them from that.  Why there was something wrong with it in the first place is a terrible injustice when someone who loves it is waiting.  I talked to many people about "why me" before I eased up on blaming myself.  I truly feel my baby knows it was loved.

Stay away from people as long as you need and don't let anyone tell you that what you are feeling is wrong.   Spending time navigating this site has really helped me.  Especially to realize that this happens to so many nice people.   I hope you start feeling better soon.

[rccresswell]

Hey

Don't force yourself to move on too quick.  It took me about 6 weeks to leave my house and visit my friends and about 8 weeks to get back into my daily routine.  It all takes time and it is always very hard in the first few weeks.

I hope your healing starts soon