Trying again

[haley128]

I had missed miscarriage 01/05/09 and my husband and i both want to try again. The doctor said we shouldn't have any problems because we had a perfect pregnancy with our two year old son and didn't have any problems conceving the one we lost, but even though i really want to try again i'm so scared that it might happen again. I don't know if i could handle losing another baby. Are the risks greater then the benefits?

[haley128]

Thank you so much for the advice, but i am sorry to hear that your going through the same thing. I do understand that they may be as uncomfortable about it as well as me. I just want them to know that i am very glad for them but that seeing them and hearing them talk about all the firsts that are happening just brings sad thoughts and feelings. I will give the card ideal a try and see how that goes. I am sorry to hear that things have changed between you and your friend, it is hard enough to lose a child with out the lose of a close friendship too. I hope all the best for you and want to thank you taking a min of your time to talk. I wish you the best of luck for when you decide to try again.

[DMarie919]

Haley, I wish I did know how you can better cope with your situation. I also have a best friend who we had wanted to be pg. together and just as she got pg. I had my m/c.  She is due a month after I would have been.  It has been awful.  It took me awhile to even get the desire to see her.  And we have talked about it and in the end we have had to come to some discussions that I'd rather not have had.  They dont know what we are going through and the situation is really just as awkward for them as it is for us.  They want to see us happy again too.  I have just told her to be patient with me as I try to deal with this and she has been.  It makes me so angry at times and I just wish I could be back where I was and should be...pregnant at the same time.  I just have to reassure her and myself that I am not mad at her...I'm just sad for me.  I am just hoping to be pregnant again before she has the baby....or it will tear me apart.  I guess what I am saying is that you should take the distance that you need....you don't need to overly involve yourself in their lives as they should also know that you are hurting.  If you feel like they don't understand, you do what I did was I sent a "congrats" card to her but in it I said that I need my space to deal with my emotions and to have patience with our situation...they will understand if they are good friends and relatives.  After some time has passed you will know in your heart when you are ready to involve yourself again.  I am at the point now where I can see her and talk to her.  It's not quite the same and unfortunately probably wont be but at least I am trying to accept things for what they are.  Good luck to you....

[haley128]

It's so nice to know and talk to people who know what you've been and at times still going through!!! I am sorry to hear about your miscarriage but if you feel like i do I remember you saying that you have a two year old as well it helps to look at them and see what you still have. I guess that hardest thing for me is that my uncle's wife is preg and conceived almost the very same time that i did. I'm having such a hard time even going around them. I don't want to make them think bad of me but i'm really hoping that they understand that every time i see her it hurts alot in side. Do you know of anyway that i could cope with this and be more supportive but maybe from a safe distance?

[DMarie919]

Oh honey I am so sorry.  I have had all of the feelings you are experiencing and I wish I could tell you it gets easier...it still hurts me....just some days are a little better than others....  Just when I think everyone knows about the situation someone will come along that doesn't know and make innocent comments and then it just brings everything to the surface again...even stupid things like knowing last time I was at the dentist I was preg. and told them (because of xrays of course) and this july when I have to go again I should be 7 mo. pg. but I will not be pregnant at all or if I miraculously get pg. again...I'll be starting over....it's stupid but I know I'll have to explain the m/c all over again and each time it just hurts so much.  It's unreal how insensitive some people can be also....until you have gone through it you have no idea.  It's been a rollercoaster ride for me and continues to be each and every month.  but know that we are all here for you and have been in your shoes and we will support you however you need....

[haley128]

Thank you for your wonderful comments! I find that I can come here and get great support not that i'm not getting it from my husband and friends, but i find that people who don't know what your going through can be really hurtful. A male friend of mine asked me if i was starting to show and at the time it hadn't even been a full week since i had to have the d/c done that he asked so i wasn't really feeling all that much like talking about it because i was hurting so much in side that i just kinda shook my head no and he asked me what i meant and so i just shook my head no a second time and so of course he asked me if i meant what he thought and i said yes. I women who i also work with but have never talked to looked at me and asks if that's a good thing or a bad thing i was so shocked how could she say this to me!!!!! So my male friend looks at her and says she just lost her baby and she replies with yeah that's what i thought you where talking about!!!! The worst part my husband and I where trying for the baby we lost. I know i'm a great mom and I do so what to have another baby!!!!! Why don't people understand that no matter how far along you are it the worst thing in the world?????

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm the queen of getting false negatives. I'm a firm believer in ept hpts. They are the only brand I trust or you could always get your blood drawn. Some women will get negatives until they miss their periods. Good luck and best wishes to you. Let me know what happens!

AP

[DMarie919]

Oh Haley I know exactly how you are feeling...how badly you desire to have another baby AND soon!  I have been told that with one m/c you are no more likely to have a second m/c than the general population.  Especially since you have already had a baby before that is a plus you have on your side.  I also have a two year old.  I was due in September... There is no harm in trying again but you have to be sure that you are ready and you aren't just doing it to play "catch up" to where you were before....I find myself caught in that trap sometimes.  I feel like I will feel better when I get pg. again but I will also be scared out of my mind.  I am sorry for your loss and I wish you luck on your future...feel free to talk to me anytime you need....

[haley128]

The doctor said that we could start trying this spring, and i do really want to have another baby i''m currently waiting to see if i am or not test say no but i'm starting to get a few signs period should be here in a week so i guess i'll find out either way it goes from there. I really really hope that i'll get a positive soon but i'm just so scared, the baby was supposed to be born at the end of july and it feels like the closer that the date comes the more i feel like i need to have one more.

[ArmyPrincess819]

I'm sorry for your loss. Honestly anyone is at risk for a m/c especially the first trimester. With only having one you are not really considered high risk. It sounds like you took your time and let your body heal. I'm assuming you had a follow up app and got the green light to ttc. You will know in your heart when you are 100% ready. You are never ready for a m/c but there are points where if it were to happen you may have the mental and emotional equipment to handle it. It will be quite nerve racking but that is where your inner strength comes in and will guide you to the next steps. It's learning to manage your pain that is the real task at hand. All you can do is take things day to day and for the moment when you do become pregnant again to enjoy it! Best wishes to you and good luck whatever you choose to do.

AP