so much grief

[meg12784]

At the end of Jan I had an ultrasound and they said I was 6w & 4d with healthy baby. At the end of Feb I started light spotting so I had another us this time 6w&4d and no heartbeat. So confused..I had a d&c BC my cervix wasn't opening up. This is so unfair. I know others have been thru this..how are ya'll dealing? This is too hard..

[sa84]

hi meg12784,
sorry for your loss.I have just undergone similar condition couple of weeks ago.It is indeed such an emotional challenge to get back to normal.All you need is to  appreciate those things which we have,those who are there and love you.For me it was my first IVF and my next cycle will start after 3-4 months.you can imagine unlike evrybody i cant even try to get pregnant :(.I would like to tell you that you are not alone.I wish you all the very best and soon you will have whatever you want.Be optimistic and keep your thoughts positive.gud luck!!!!!!

[meg12784]

Thank you all for your support. That was my first pregnancy and I am so afraid that it will happen again. I love children and was so excited that I was going to have one of my own. It is crazy how one minute you can be so happy and the next it is all taken away. I know so many many people are going through this or have already gone through this..To those who have gone through multiple mc..how do you do it?

[adgal]

I also have had multiple miscarriages..6 as well.  I hit a period where I went into a very dark place and required therapy to get through it.  It was hard emotionally, no question.  What kept me moving forward was really that there was no other option.  I had to keep trying in order to have that baby I wanted to very badly.  After my 5th loss I did indeed have a healthy pregnancy and now have an amazing 13 month old little boy.  Looking back on it I can tell you I would do it all again...and am in fact doing that.  I had another loss after his birth and am currently trying again.  I found that by just trying to look forward, it helped.

The other thing that helped for me was letting it out.  I am lucky and had a wonderful support system.  I have now met so many other women in the same situation, and although it is a club I wish none of us had membership in, it made me feel less alone.

I am so very sorry for your loss and I wish you well.

[VDKALVR]

The only thing that ever got me through numerous mc(6), was the knowledge that everything happens for a reason.  My husband and I divorced and I'm thankful we didn't have a child that would be having to deal with such a thing. Everyone goes through grief differently but in time that wound will heal; you may never forget it but trust me it will eventually become easier to deal with. I wish you the best of luck with dealing with such a traumatic situation.

[mjmom69]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It is such a difficult thing to go thru. I have been mourning for our little one since our miscarriage in May 2010. Things have finally gotten better. I went thru some depression and anger but I think I am finally thru the worst of it. It just takes time. You need to let yourself mourn and go thru the process. Looked to loved ones for support and find a why to grieve and remember the loss that lets you move on, as heatherNalan did. The turning point for me was after the due date had passed and I could get past the "I should be pregnant right now" phase. After a few weeks of "now I should have a newborn to hold" thoughts, I finally have let it go. I will never forget, and neither will you, but it will get better. I just takes time. Good luck to you.

[heatherNalan]

*hugs*.. I don't know. I really don't. I just accept that I can't change it and go on with my life. I kind of put it on a shelf somewhere inside and hope that we'll get the chance again, although I don't really know if we will. I still have my moments but I feel I have mostly accepted it and am ok. Time heals I guess, or at least makes it a little easier to cope. My husband has been amazing through this and has held me together many times. I am very blessed to have him.

We tried from Aug of 2007, finally conceived Dec. 2010, and lost him the day I turned 8 weeks. I had bled for 2 weeks prior, progesterone was super low (3) and was put on Crinone 8%. The hcg wasn't doubling as it should have either, but we saw a heartbeat 3 times and it grew from 120bpm to 140bpm the day before I lost him. The ultrasound tech called him a miracle that day because he was still holding on and getting stronger despite how bad and how long I had been bleeding. He only measured 6w3d though, so something went wrong from the begining (we also saw that when he was born, still looked like the comma). His heart was strong but his little body wasn't. I guess that is my only real comfort to know there is nothing I could have done differently to change it. He was sent to us to love for a short time, but he will live in our hearts a lifetime.

I was very angry at God at first. Very, very angry. My husband helped me through that too. He saw it different; what if God took him now to save him and us from pain later on if things weren't right? That helped turn my heart.

We had a small "service", just my husband and I and God. Then I made a memorial slideshow for him. It took me days to make, I broke down a lot in the process but I think it has helped a lot with the healing. I NEEDED a place/way to acknowledge him and give him a place in this world. This is a link to the slideshow: http://www.slide.com/r/WcpzuPoy5T-1QQfoKSX24-URTv1PSPdJ?fbr=1

I hope that you find comfort and healing.

Warmest Regards,
Heather