Severe stress and anxiety is my reaction normal?

[courtfuentes]

Hi,
I have been having a lot of stress for a couple of years due to a now 15 year old how has been acting out, stealing, getting in trouble with law, etc. It is now at the point where I had to put him in a drug/alcohol rehab center. I am feeling very depressed, to the point where I do not want to do anything, or even enjoy any activities. I am fighting with my husband, but when I fight with him I am acting crazy, yelling, throwing things, crying. AT night after my 17 month old goes to bed I find my self smoking and drinking wine, about 1-2 glasses of wine. I feel helpless and I am now having panic attacks. My husband does not understand and thinks that I have lost my mind. I don't have anyone to talk to, I feel guilt about my 15 year old. His father was an alcoholic and addict who abused us. We left 8 years ago and have had no contact. I have also learned that my 15 year old was molested by his fathers friend. All of this is causing severe stress and anxiety on me. I see a counselor and they have me on Adderall( I was already ADD) and clonazepam. Can severe stress and anxiety cause personality changes, could this be depression. Is this reaction normal? Please answer, I feel out of control and I don't know how to get it back.
Thansk

[Peter Forster]

It sounds like you have had some remarkable experiences that would have been very stressful for anyone.

I wonder if you might be having a particular kind of stress reaction -

After you left your former husband did you have recurrent and distressing memories of what happened, including images, thoughts, or feelings?
Did you have recurrent distressing dreams related to what happened when you were with him?  
Did you ever act or feel as though you were re-experiencing those times (includes a sense of reliving the experience)?
Do you ever have intense distress at exposure to things that remind you of those times?
Do you find that you are agitated or stressed physically when you are exposed to reminders?  
Do you try to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the past?
And do you try to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the past?
Have you notice any of the following: markedly diminished interest in usual activities, feeling of separated from others emotionally, unable to have loving feelings, difficulty falling or staying asleep, irritability or outbursts of anger, difficulty concentrating, hypervigilance, or exaggerated startle response?

[Jaquta]

From the doctors questions and your positive response to them it sounds as though you may have ptsd (post traumatic stress disorder) too.

A decent psych assessment and accurate diagnosis could be helpful.

[courtfuentes]

Yes, to all of your questions. I am remarried to a very patient man, but I find myself withdrawing when I am stressed out. This episode with my son has been extremely stressful and has caused a lot of anxiety. During this episode I find myself flashing back to the events during my first marriage. My son's behavior mimics his fathers. To make matters worse, my son, whom I love very much and have tried to protect, feels rejected by his father and just wants to talk to his dad. I have tried to reach out to his father, but he wants nothing to do with our son. My husband does not understand the pressure that I am under, or the stress. He feels that since my son has been acting out for years that I should be used to it by now. The truth is, it seems to have just compounded and layered stress after stress. I wonder if this is my breaking point at times.It appears to be cumulative.
  We have tried counseling for the past five years. I have a hard time telling the truth about my last marriage to the counselor. I tell bits and pieces, but not the whole thing. I feel unable to get it out and I feel as if it is eating me alive and it is making me hold back. If the whole truth about what happened during those years came out, I would have to face those feelings. I often feel sad, so when I wake up at night or I am alone I cry or just sit and think. I am afraid to get too close, even to my husband, I suppose I am afraid to get hurt again. My husband is a very good man, but when he does something that reminds me of my ex-husband, such as normal man "things",  I feel rejected and anxious about whether the ordeal will start again. I feel paranoid and anxious all the time.
  I would like to get back to the happy me, the person I know that I am. It is hard living like this. By the way, the psychiatrist said that my son is suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome.

[Jaquta]

Severe stress and anxiety can influence how one copes and behaves.
You say you feel depressed.  I think self-reporting regarding depression is a good indicator of low mood.

I think that you should speak to your doctor.  I also think that you need to talk to your husband.  He may be better able to support you if he were made aware of how things are affecting you.  I think having an infant alone can cause significant stress (and sleep deprivation) without all the added stressors.

I think that the smoking and alcohol are a way for you to cope and I think that these are counter-productive.

Your feelings regarding your son are understandable and are best addressed by a professional.  I think that psychologists are preferable to counselors but if you have a good relationship with yours and you feel like they are helping or you are moving forward then it would be advisable to continue.  Just having someone to talk to will help relieve some tension but ideally some resolution of underlying issues will be most helpful.
Something I have learned is that we can't change the past, as much as we would sometimes like too, and that dealing with stuff in the here and now is more beneficial.  Feeling guilty and grief stricken doesn't change what happened and doesn't help you, your son, your child or your husband.  It just tears you apart and destroys what good is left.

You did the right thing for your son.  His journey is likely to be difficult but you have given him a chance to change things.  Your son is likely to need a lot of support.  You need to trust that your son is getting the support he needs.  You could perhaps follow this up for reassurance if necessary.  Getting the right help for him now is imperative.
I think you also need to do what you need too to help yourself.  Getting healthy yourself may also influence your son's recovery.

Stress and anxiety can make you vulnerable and cause changes in mood, behavior, etc.
Yes, I think it is likely you may be depressed.
I think the reaction is normal based on your situation.

I think a good place to start to get that control back is to visit your doctor.  You may like to take your husband with you for support (and to involve him).

Good luck!