Should I continue with therapy?

[WorriedOne84]

Never before have I been as confused about who I am, what I want, or even how I feel. Really, I'm at the point know where I'm not even sure I have the motivation to change things--not that I feel I'm capable anyway.I, stupidly, decided to take an online college class this semester. I'm now thinking it was a mistake as I'm obviously not ever going to be able to complete college. My grades were really good but I have so much anxiety over writing papers, it's ridiculous.  The class is online but you still have to post writing assignments for everyone in the class to read and comment on the postings of other students. This totally stresses me out--even picking a topic makes me freak out. Everything I write sounds ridiculous, in my opinion, and I don't feel as though I write at a college level.  Even though I won't be face to face with these people I still am concerned by what they will think of me. What am I going to do? Tomorrow is the last day to drop the class and receive a refund. If I drop it, I'm going to really feel disappointed and it will be embarrassing letting others know that I couldn't handle it. On the other hand, if I try to tough it out and I can't handle it, I'll be wasting money and feel like a total failure. To me this is a lose/lose situation!

What's obvious is I'm never going to be able to do/accomplish the things I say I want out of life. Maybe I don't even want them anyway. Maybe I only claim to want the college degree, career, and family because that is what is expected of me. Isn't that what society deems to be "normal?" Can I ever be happy if I don't have those things? I know the questions that I'm asking may be impossible to answer, but that's what is on my mind. Accepting myself may mean giving up on everything that I should want and I'm still going to be miserable. What I see for my life is working one lousy job after another. If I'm lucky I'll barely manage to scrape by.

(continued below...)

[Peter Forster]

I think that you may be over-preparing for the challenges ahead. Of course, getting where you want to go seems overwhelming... but you will have time to master new skills before facing new challenges. I don't think there is a reason to give up on your dreams. If you approach the problems with determination I believe you will succeed.

[WorriedOne84]

My life is, and will continue to be, a constant struggle.  This is what I truly believe currently as that may change because, like I said, I'm very unsure of every thought and feeling I have.  I'm not even sure if it's worth continuing going to counseling as how is it going to help if I'm not committed to change anyway?  No one can fix me except myself and I don't even know who I am--maybe that's why I should keep going.  I probably think I'm a far more complicated person than I am, in actuallity.  Forgot to mention that I've been diagnosed, by a psychiatrist, with Social Anxiety Disorder.  Honestly, I think it's more than that too, but what do I know.  Any advice/insight would really be greatly appreciate.  I apologize for the novel but I was just needing to vent.