Disclosing MS when dating

[Corriel]

I feel kind of silly posting this because I thought this was a scenario I was prepared to handle but it came about in an unexpected way and my brain is stuck.

After a very long hiatus, I resumed being an active single and started dating again. I figured that if I met someone I liked and got involved that it would be a gradual road to disclosing my MS if things got serious. I was prepared and feeling confident.

Fast forward to this week when I met someone I liked who was also interested in getting to know me.

After only 1 outing with him and several days of texting (in addition to working full-time) I am exhausted. It seems pointless to bring up MS this early but I don't seem to have the energy for continuing with even this simple thing of going out one evening a week and this is my best time of year for me with respect to fatigue and I have been taking my Modafinil faithfully.

I guess my question in all of this, is can it ever be too soon to disclose MS?

Corrie

[Corriel]

Love it! Thanks dv!

[doublevision1]

Corrie - thought of you when I saw this. :)

http://www.momentummagazineonline.com/dating-ms/

[HVAC]

I had another disability and told me now husband a month out because he said he could not handle disabilities because his mom was disabled. He got quiet and I thought well that was fun I will never hear from him again. We have been married 16 years.

Alex

[kwarendorf]

In my head it would depend on your current level of functionality. If you are of the invisible MS tribe, then there wouldn't seem to be any rush. Yes, you'll have to tell him at some point, but why not wait and see if there is something there first?

If you have symptoms that may or may not pop up without notice then you may have to bring it up sooner. My GF predates my DX but not my MS. While I was walking and talking and chewing gum at the same time, there were things, like erectile dysfunction, that were apparent. She has told me that this caused her some significant doubt about the sustainability of a relationship with me.

Thankfully she stuck it out, and once we found the cause there was huge relief on both sides. If there are things that are apparent, and can be explained by your MS, then it makes sense to tell him sooner...

Kyle

[maxthecat43]

If this is the right person, disclosing your MS shouldn't be a problem.  If this isn't the "right" person, it doesn't matter how they respond.

I remember my  husband telling me that he was diabetic a week or so into dating.  He thought I wouldn't be interested in continuing to see him, but it didn't matter to me.  I was in it for him.  

As it turned out, I was sick too.  While his initial reaction was one of fear (afraid he wouldn't be able to take care of me), he has been my rock.  

I hope it goes well for you.  
Tammy

[PastorDan]

I think we've had this discussion on the forum before, but I'm not good at finding old threads here.  Perhaps one of our crack researchers will get a hankering to track that down.

[doublevision1]

I usually find this writer's advice on living with MS to be pretty sound.

http://ms.about.com/od/livingwellwithms/f/ms_dating_disclosure.htm

[MommyofNatTyZach]

This is a hard one. I think honesty is always best. If you mention it in a  nonchalant way maybe. You don't want to scare him off, but on the other hand you don't want to fall for someone that could not cope with it.... lol I don't know. I hope everything keeps going well!

[Cann1980]

By more time I mean... Maybe texting till midnight every second night  instead of every night and date night every second week.. Or maybe a daytime date... Morning breakfast date?
;)

[Cann1980]

I have no experience with this... But what is your gut saying?

I think this beginning part is such a fun time in a great relationship that if you need to spread it out over more time all the better bc the butterfly's will last longer. ;)

I am so excited for you!