Death of a good friend

[Rena705]

Well, my husband and I got some really shocking news over the weekend which culminated in the death of a close childhood friend last night.  He grew up with my husband in Newfoundland.   He had a wife and two children and what was so shocking was that he tried to take his own life.  We heard that he was in a coma because he had not succeeded but we didn't know the situation until today.

Apparently he had diabetes and no one knew it!  He had just returned from his vacation and while the family is slowly putting the puzzle together the doctors figure that his diabetes was so out of control that he had no control over what he was doing.  He had been acting strangely according to the family but they didn't know why...neither did he...and now it's too late.  He was a wonderful man who I had the opportunity to get to know through many phone calls over the years and then he and his wife finally came to stay with us for 2 weeks, 3 years ago.  

We had planned to go to see him and go fly fishing with him in a few years and it was something that we all really looked forward to doing...he knew just where to go and had it all planned out for all of us, we talked about it every month when either he would call us or we would call him.

My husbands cousins are younger than him and they recall how cute he was...they used to pick dandelions (they call them **** da beds in Newfoundland) and run up to him and give them to him and sneak a kiss on his cheek cause they had such a crush on him when they were little girls.  They said he would blush the color of a ripe apple!

We will all miss this man but no more than his wife will...there were kindred spirits...they had been together since they were 14 years old...true love...I wish I could do something to help her with her pain but we are so far away...

My husband just called me from work asking if I thought we should go down for the funeral on Friday...what could I say?  His Grandmother is 94 and just recuperating from a terrible fall and had internal bleeding and is still in hospital...if something happens to her...

It would probably be close to $2000.00 return, each to fly down and return and like I said to him, he has to decide this on his own...he would have to go on his own because we can't afford for both of us to go and if something were to happen to Gran he would have to go down again.  He wouldn't get bereavement leave from work so he would have to use his holidays.  Our friends wife has family to help her cope and what would he do there?  He doesn't know her family and I think that he needs the closure...he is in shock that his childhood friend is gone...he feels lost and I feel confused.  I told him that he needs to make this decision himself...if he doesn't go and doesn't get this closure he needs right now he has to know that he made the decision and that I didn't make if for him...we don't need that animosity between each other.  I HATE BEING SO FAR AWAY!!!  I hate seeing my husband hurt like this.  I hate feeling so helpless!  They have asked that there be no flowers and donations only...it seems that hubby feels like it's wrong to not sent flowers...I don't know what to do...neither does he!

Sorry for dumping on you all like this but I am feeling a little lost today...the world has lost a wonderful man in a terrible way and there is a family out there in horrible pain and I don't know what to do or to help my husband!

Rena

[Rena705]

I would like to thank you all for your offers of condolence.  I think we are going to send a small bouquet of roses to our friends mother who is almost completely blind and nearly 90 years old as well as a small bouquet of roses to our friends wife.  I will also send a sympathy card to the whole family and we will make a donation to the charitable organization that they requested donations be sent to.  My hubby and I both feel like we need to send flowers to his Mother and Wife so they know that they are in our thoughts so many hundreds of miles away.  The charitable organization aids people who have lost their sight which would apply to his Mother.  

I truly appreciate your messages and I want you to know that they mean the world to me and my hubby.

Lots of Hugs,

Rena

p.s. deb52...you have every reason to complain honey...I know you are in a lot of pain and I think you are very kind to take time out of what you are going through to offer your condolences.

[debj52]

please know you have my deepest condolences and prayers for your friend and his family and your husband im sure ishaving a very hard time and it is so good that he has a very compassionae and caring wife....a lot of people ask for donations instead of flowers but if makes him feel better about it he could allways send a little of both...just makes a person sit back and see that there problems arent all that bad when you here news like this.....

now i feel petty complaining about my foot to ya...please take care and prayers are with you.....deb

[RAY911]

Hi Rena,

This brought tears to my eyes.  I'm so sorry for what both you and your husband are going threw, and this family.  Please know your in my thoughts and prayers.  

Sincerely
Ray

[CtResident]

Sending sincerest condolences to you and your husband on the loss of this wonderful friend.

Suzanne

[maggiesue65]

I am so sorry for the lost of your friend, my prayers are with you and his family, Maggiesue

[dandb]

I'm new, you don't know me, but I just wanted to send you and your husband my deepest sympathies, and will keep all of you in my prayers.

My mother died a few years ago, and my father asked for the same thing - donations in lieu of flowers. We still received flowers, and they were beautiful and reminded me of how much she loved them!!

I just wanted to say, though, that we received several cards that let us know that donations had been made in my mother's name, and there was something so touching and heart-felt to know that even though she was gone, some good would still be done with her in mind - as if she were continuing on with helping others.

Again, you are all in my prayers - Shannon

[nikki861]

My sympathies to you and your husband. It is always hard to recieve news that is so unexpected. I pray God's graces to you and your family. Know your family and your friends family are in my prayers.

(((((HUGS))))
Beth

[doublevision1]

Oh Rena, what sad news.  My condolences to your and your husband.  Such a terrible tragedy for that man's family and friends.  I think it is the hardest thing in the world, to lose someone.  I know what your husband means, it seems not right not to send flowers, it's such an automatic thing when someone dies to want to do that, but since they asked for none, it's good to respect that.  Sending a donation in his honour will make you feel like you are doing something meaningful.

Thinking of you.

db