Aa
Greiving
It happens every Spring. I miss my garden. It makes me sad that I can't get out and play in the dirt. It makes me sad to see my plants not being cared for like I used to be able to do. I try to distract myself but I am crying inside. I am not asking for advice but do any of you feel that greif during different times of the year? I don't expect a Spring will ever come that I won't wish and remember.
I guess I am lucky I was able to do it for so many years and some are given this lot young......Just trying so hard to grasp onto something to ease it.
I guess I am lucky I was able to do it for so many years and some are given this lot young......Just trying so hard to grasp onto something to ease it.
hi, i can still get in the garden-some- its not good though,the work the heat, and all the other things we are blessed with. its small this yr, but can you maybe grow your herbs? inside!? i think i will start that, i too love animals, i was feeding humming birds out back- well here comes a robin and plants her nest lol right by the feeder! you know how that turned out, they come close she was ready to kill! but all ok, i moved the feeders and she still has her nest! we just have to work around this crap! hugs cainer
Thank you. I do have some obese animals. Maybe Mrs.Obama has a plan for them...lol
A little off topic, but I love the way that you write. It is so descriptive. I can almost see your garden. I wish I could have. It sounds so beautiful, with all of the colors of the delicious fruits and fragrant flowers. You are a gift to the wild life because even though you are not out there working, you are keeping them feed and the animals love you for it.
So sweet of you. The peacock is beautiful! How I wish I had one to run my gardens...I know when we lived in Texas..Houston...It was just beginning to be the boom town. There were peacocks and traffic would stop waiting for them to finish primming before moving on...Oh those days!
Never feel sorry for me. I am a happy well adjusted strong person. I only mention my life because of what I learned from it.
Your garden sounds wonderful. I planted two apple trees, a fig, and two blueberries this year. I have chicken wire around them to keep the puppy beast from killing them.
I am posting a picture just for you Sumana of a Peacock at the farm.
Being sad is okay.
Alex
Your garden sounds wonderful. I planted two apple trees, a fig, and two blueberries this year. I have chicken wire around them to keep the puppy beast from killing them.
I am posting a picture just for you Sumana of a Peacock at the farm.
Being sad is okay.
Alex
I don't even know where to start. The kindness and understanding is...hard for me to put into words.
twopack, it brings tears inside of me to think of you and your horse, Candy. I can feel your pain and strongly as my own....You asked me to speak a little about my garden. My garden is actually on a full acre. I have fruit and nut trees. Today those keep the belly of wild animals full. I had a strawberry field that my sons loved but truly today? Who could eat so much. I had melons and pumpkins growing on our tree-line. Most our other vegetables came from neighbors that had gardens and we were always blessed with their harvest...so I never got into that.
My flower gardens, to me, were works of art. Color, height,and flair was the key. I surely can't direct someone to "plant" it...anymore than I could guide my staff on store displays. It wouldn't matter that they were using the materials or fabrics that I asked...It took me....my own hands to push and pull and tuck to make the picture come alive. It is why I had to give my job up. It was too frustrating to not be on that ladder...not to be able to build...
Michelle, same for you. I feel the sadness of missing tap and the fun...I can hear the laughing and enjoyment. All gone to this horrid monster MS.
HVAC and Red, your childhoods always haunt me. I have a spirit son that lived it. I know how hard it is to reconnect (if ever) to the world. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am sorry none came to rescue you and take you to loving homes.
MissL...You know I live near a trail. I ran or walked it daily. I still can remember the last run. I had already slowed down...running just a bit then walking. I remember knowing it was the end. I still can feel the smell of the river and the wind whipping against my face. So, I do relate to your pain.
Maybe this post is a good idea. Maybe we need to talk about our grief to each other.
Thank you again for listening.
twopack, it brings tears inside of me to think of you and your horse, Candy. I can feel your pain and strongly as my own....You asked me to speak a little about my garden. My garden is actually on a full acre. I have fruit and nut trees. Today those keep the belly of wild animals full. I had a strawberry field that my sons loved but truly today? Who could eat so much. I had melons and pumpkins growing on our tree-line. Most our other vegetables came from neighbors that had gardens and we were always blessed with their harvest...so I never got into that.
My flower gardens, to me, were works of art. Color, height,and flair was the key. I surely can't direct someone to "plant" it...anymore than I could guide my staff on store displays. It wouldn't matter that they were using the materials or fabrics that I asked...It took me....my own hands to push and pull and tuck to make the picture come alive. It is why I had to give my job up. It was too frustrating to not be on that ladder...not to be able to build...
Michelle, same for you. I feel the sadness of missing tap and the fun...I can hear the laughing and enjoyment. All gone to this horrid monster MS.
HVAC and Red, your childhoods always haunt me. I have a spirit son that lived it. I know how hard it is to reconnect (if ever) to the world. All I can say is that I am sorry. I am sorry none came to rescue you and take you to loving homes.
MissL...You know I live near a trail. I ran or walked it daily. I still can remember the last run. I had already slowed down...running just a bit then walking. I remember knowing it was the end. I still can feel the smell of the river and the wind whipping against my face. So, I do relate to your pain.
Maybe this post is a good idea. Maybe we need to talk about our grief to each other.
Thank you again for listening.
Sumana- I feel your sadness coming from your words. I love to garden too and have had to limit it in these last few years. I am still able to get out there and dig around a little though. I have started a little window herb garden in my kitchen that is easy to care for and still brings me a sense of joy seeing little seeds spring up. I hope that joy will replace your sadness with new surprises and delights that gardening used to bring. It is hard to let go of anything we loved to do. I have dreams of running that make me really happy and a little sad too since I can no longer run. My thought are with you today.
Sumana, I'm so sorry you are facing this loss again this year. It's obvious it was a passion for you. I hope you will allow yourself to cry over this and to grieve outwardly.
But...I know you didn't ask for advice.
For me there are many seasons that 'trigger' sorrow and grief, some are related to my MS; but most are not. I had a traumatic childhood of various assaults that I don't talk about. For me, I look forward as much as I can and work to not think about the past.
It's about reinventing myself. I haven't figured out how to reinvent myself this time but I hope it will come.
For you, I wonder what your love of gardening will springboard to. I believe there will be something, you know how gardens are----they bring gifts of different colors. Maybe there is something new that will help you enjoy your gardening in a different way. I know it can't replace it though.
sending my love
Red
But...I know you didn't ask for advice.
For me there are many seasons that 'trigger' sorrow and grief, some are related to my MS; but most are not. I had a traumatic childhood of various assaults that I don't talk about. For me, I look forward as much as I can and work to not think about the past.
It's about reinventing myself. I haven't figured out how to reinvent myself this time but I hope it will come.
For you, I wonder what your love of gardening will springboard to. I believe there will be something, you know how gardens are----they bring gifts of different colors. Maybe there is something new that will help you enjoy your gardening in a different way. I know it can't replace it though.
sending my love
Red
Yes your grief is real and a horrible thing. No one wants to lose those things precious to them. My life has been full of loss and physical restriction.
I learned one thing while being hospitalized for many months at a time in my teenage years, it was like being in jail I could not see out a window and my movements were restricted. I personally learned then I have to concentrate on what I can do not what I can't. Sometimes I was restricted just to sitting in a chair for months at a time. I recited every poem I ever learned in my head. I thought of everything I ever had been taught. I cross referenced what was going on in a time in history through literature, science, etc. all over the world. I painted with out brush or canvas.
Between that an an abdominal childhood I learned to create my own world. I can create anything I want in my mind's eye. My paintings are not of the dark world I lived but of the inner world no one can touch. They are happy and bright.
My favorite poem I recited to myself is Wordsworth's I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud about recalling daffodils.
He says "for oft when on my couch I lie in vacant or in pensive mood they flash upon the inward eye which is the bliss of solitude and then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils".
Tell us what your inward eye sees of your garden. That is if it will not make you sad.
I hope you feel better soon.
Alex
I learned one thing while being hospitalized for many months at a time in my teenage years, it was like being in jail I could not see out a window and my movements were restricted. I personally learned then I have to concentrate on what I can do not what I can't. Sometimes I was restricted just to sitting in a chair for months at a time. I recited every poem I ever learned in my head. I thought of everything I ever had been taught. I cross referenced what was going on in a time in history through literature, science, etc. all over the world. I painted with out brush or canvas.
Between that an an abdominal childhood I learned to create my own world. I can create anything I want in my mind's eye. My paintings are not of the dark world I lived but of the inner world no one can touch. They are happy and bright.
My favorite poem I recited to myself is Wordsworth's I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud about recalling daffodils.
He says "for oft when on my couch I lie in vacant or in pensive mood they flash upon the inward eye which is the bliss of solitude and then my heart with pleasure fills and dances with the daffodils".
Tell us what your inward eye sees of your garden. That is if it will not make you sad.
I hope you feel better soon.
Alex
Sumana,
I think you touched a chord here on this forum, at least for me. Today, Memorial day, is now a "sad" memory for me. I always was in the parade here, tapdancing (!) with my tap dancing group. We were a bunch of mom's who met at out kids Gymnastics program, and formed our own tap dancing group. We had a teacher and met 1 X per week.
So much fun, even though my kids were always horrified. at least the older ones. I loved it with my sequin flag vest and hat! Well it was 2 miles I tapped though the town, and now I am unable to walk it.
Now just 3 years later, I don't even know if I will be able to make the parade. Going to be about 85 degrees. I will need to be dropped off at the spot, and stay there. A few of my kids are in the parade, scouts and sports, so I want to go.
So yes, Sumana, I hear you and agree, some days are sad thinking about a particular day and what it used to be like.
Mary: You offered many words of wisdom. Thanks.
Michelle
I think you touched a chord here on this forum, at least for me. Today, Memorial day, is now a "sad" memory for me. I always was in the parade here, tapdancing (!) with my tap dancing group. We were a bunch of mom's who met at out kids Gymnastics program, and formed our own tap dancing group. We had a teacher and met 1 X per week.
So much fun, even though my kids were always horrified. at least the older ones. I loved it with my sequin flag vest and hat! Well it was 2 miles I tapped though the town, and now I am unable to walk it.
Now just 3 years later, I don't even know if I will be able to make the parade. Going to be about 85 degrees. I will need to be dropped off at the spot, and stay there. A few of my kids are in the parade, scouts and sports, so I want to go.
So yes, Sumana, I hear you and agree, some days are sad thinking about a particular day and what it used to be like.
Mary: You offered many words of wisdom. Thanks.
Michelle
Ah yes, the grief brought on by happy memories. They are so bittersweet because we would never choose to forego such cherished activities even if we were warned our hearts would break over want of repeating the task years later.
Spring in recent years brought me a mix of excitement about planning my riding challenges and sadness that I would fatigue long before any of my goals were accomplished. I faced the reality of my limitations when I realized doing so could give my beloved horse a chance to have an active, happy life even if I couldn't find that for myself.
My plan had been to visit my equine friend (she lives in Georgia now) while vacationing this month. Mother Nature’s storms and heat and a MS exacerbation changed my plans. When I think I won't be burying my face in Candy's mane again this year, I share the acuteness of your loss Sumana.
Tell us about your garden please. Flowers for the soul or food for the body? What were your favorite soil activities? Can the area be modified at all? Do you have any children around eager to learn your craft? Can your chair handle the outside environment. Do you have arm strength? Would a limited version of gardening encourage you or simply remind you of how nice it used to be?
It's true I may have an idea or two rolling around in my head but I am drifting off as I sit here and anything else will have to wait on some answers from you and some sleep refreshment for me.
Our hearts ache for months as we wait for familiar spring breezes to carry us into activities of renewal. When they finally arrive we realize, as if for the first time that we are now barely more than willow reeds bending in submission to the whims of dis-ease. It is sad.
I'm sorry you are missing your former self so much Sumana. Like you, I count my blessings to have so many happy memories of a strong and able youth. I suspect we must embrace the pain for a time and then find a substitute activity that needs us more than we want it.
Mary
Spring in recent years brought me a mix of excitement about planning my riding challenges and sadness that I would fatigue long before any of my goals were accomplished. I faced the reality of my limitations when I realized doing so could give my beloved horse a chance to have an active, happy life even if I couldn't find that for myself.
My plan had been to visit my equine friend (she lives in Georgia now) while vacationing this month. Mother Nature’s storms and heat and a MS exacerbation changed my plans. When I think I won't be burying my face in Candy's mane again this year, I share the acuteness of your loss Sumana.
Tell us about your garden please. Flowers for the soul or food for the body? What were your favorite soil activities? Can the area be modified at all? Do you have any children around eager to learn your craft? Can your chair handle the outside environment. Do you have arm strength? Would a limited version of gardening encourage you or simply remind you of how nice it used to be?
It's true I may have an idea or two rolling around in my head but I am drifting off as I sit here and anything else will have to wait on some answers from you and some sleep refreshment for me.
Our hearts ache for months as we wait for familiar spring breezes to carry us into activities of renewal. When they finally arrive we realize, as if for the first time that we are now barely more than willow reeds bending in submission to the whims of dis-ease. It is sad.
I'm sorry you are missing your former self so much Sumana. Like you, I count my blessings to have so many happy memories of a strong and able youth. I suspect we must embrace the pain for a time and then find a substitute activity that needs us more than we want it.
Mary
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