Please help with MS scare

[Friendlily]

Hi everybody,
I want to apologize in advance because I am anxiety ridden to the core and I hope I dont sound too crazy or insensitive in this post. I am so scared because of symptoms that I have been having pointing to MS..I am having such a hard time dealing with the possiblity of it. I know this sounds awful for me to say but I would rather have something that is fatal rather then know that i may have to live out the rest of my life with this horrible diblitating disease that I cant even die from. The idea of having it has made me contemplate suicide daily and try to figure out how i could just get killed without having to do it myself lol  (my religion is against suicide). But anyway I know i already sound like a nut but I just cant accept it, i have not been diagnosed yet and im sure everyone will tell me not to worry until i am but i really have a feeling that it is MS. I am not one to obsess over the idea of having a fatal disease etc. so i know im not being a hypochondriac and that the symptoms im having are real. I have to wait 2 months to get in with my neurologist which makes things worse. If i did have it i wouldnt even want to see or ever talk to my friends and family that knew me before the disease because it would just make me feel worse to have them see me like that. I dont know what to do to get comfort I pray and try to find hope that its something else but i just feel like it isnt...im only 26 and i cant bear the idea of staying alive if i have this...i hope i didnt depress or insult anyone with this its kind of my way of venting i suppose

[MissLauraI]

Hey I was just checking in with you to see how you are today? How is your testing coming along? How are you feeling?

Be blessed!
Laural

[Friendlily]

Thanks everybody for your comments you all are so strong! I wish i was more like that but ive never really been the type to just make the best of things and stay positive. To misslaurel my symptoms have only come on in the past 3 weeks but they have been numbness/tingling in both my legs which spread to my face and hands/fingers, extremem fatigue, muscle weakness, and some memory loss. I went to the dr. and got blood tests because she thought i could have b12 deficiency but i happened to take a suppliment that day of the test so my b12 levels were extremely high (which at least indicated my body doesnt have a problem absorbing the vitamin) but i had large red blood cells and a low count of them so she still thinks i may have had a deficiency even though i take multivitamins everyday eat healthy dont drink or smoke and i exercise everyday. She refered me to a neurologist to check everything else. She also had me take another blood test to check for autoimmune problems which i didnt know a blood test could tell if your body was attacking itself? I am sorry you have had so many issues without any kind of explanation im surprised they never checked for that earlier.
Cainer thank you for your kind words also, i wish i could say i am a strong one but im sure time will tell it would be more than i could handle lol but you guys are beauitful for commenting and just having you guys to talk to right now makes me feel better, thanks again for your quick responses and for showing concern God bless and please keep me in your prayers as i will you :)

[MissLauraI]

I know a little how you feel. My first "attack" was at 26 and I was freaked out to the max (see my profile for timeline of symptoms).

I spent years after without much after effect though-- after a month in a wheel chair and then almost complete recovery. In fact MS was never considered until recently. I am now 52. I am new to all this but want you to know that there are different kinds of MS tracks.

Most people that I have read about have what they call Relapsing Remitting MS. This means that there will be attacks that will often be spread apart...sometimes for years like in my case (if I end up with an MS diagnosis). Often these leave residual issues that we learn to live with. Just like if you broke your leg and it never healed quite right.

Many many people live very functional, independent lives with MS. The percentage of total disability is not as high as you may think.

Please don't despair of life no matter what!!!! I know how frustrating and scary waiting is. I have been in the waiting process for awhile now. Waiting on dr.s, waiting on appointments, waiting on test results, waiting on answers.Most people go through this.

In the meantime though, being here on this forum you will find a lot of caring and knowledgeable people who will share their stories with you. You are not alone here.

Whatever our futures hold, our lives have extreme value so don't take yours away OK? Despite physical problems, I love my life. I would have made a huge mistake if i had ended it at 26.

Maybe you can share more about what you have experienced that led you to the doctor, Also I would really encourage you to get emotional support from a professional that can walk beside you and help you in this process.

Be blessed today and know that you have come to a good place. Hugs to you and welcome to the forum.

[cainer]

HI!! Well hang on if your at the end of your rope- tie a knot!  hang on- you are so young -but you have probably have years and years of being-ok- it usually doesnt just stike us down.  i remember my first thought was im doomed- but  doin ok, yeh it *****- but there are lots of things to live for! and like you my religon - stops  me  we are stronger than most, maybe thats why we have this? i imagine that thought that your suggesting has went through all of us- or most, it will be ok-  big hugs! cainer