Sleep attacks

[Claire84]

Hi, every couple of weeks my boyfriend tries to strangle me in his sleep. He has nightmares that someone is trying to hurt me and he thinks he's attacking the predator. This started about a year ago and each month it is getting worse. The last time it happened he blocked my wind-pipe and hurt my neck. Please help us as we don't know what to do?

Thanks
Claire

[ggreg]

Dear Claire,
I used to have nightmares where bad people came up on my porch and threatened me.  So, I made a strong mental note a few times before bedtime that I could most certainly tell those maniacs to get the heck outta there.  Next time I had the nightmare, I yelled at all those bad people to go away, and they went away.  Very empowering.  

Dreams sometimes represent subconscious daytime feelings, which in his case he may feel trapped.  Your boyfriend can overcome this notion by realizing he has the personal power to control his life better, by positive thinking in the face of adversity, and partly by making changes in his life that he can and partly by talking openly about insurmountable problems, and also by putting more happy activities in his life to offset stressful situations.  Daytime exercise also helps a person rest better.  

In the meantime, take a soft bathrobe tie and wrap it around his arms above his elbows and tight to his chest, to keep him from hurting you.  In his dream, if he notices this, he can remind himself he got a tetnus shot in one arm and a flu shot in the other, to explain to himself why his arms won't work.  The dreamer does not recall he's told himself these things.

Once he tells off the predator a few times and quits having those dreams, usually this takes place within just a couple weeks, he can remove the tie.  If he still manages to strangle you again, since you can't yell while that's going on, then smack him hard, or kick/squeeze him you know where, or dig your big toenail down his leg, or set of some sort of alarm system, to wake him up.  Then sleep in another place for a while... in fact, many couples sleep apart on account of snoring and various other nighttime stuff, but you don't hear about it so much becuz it's nobody else's business where a person chooses to sleep.  

If he continues to have these scary sleep activities after a month, he might need to visit a neurologist about this, because it could be he has a little disorder of some kind that might benefit from short-term sedating medication.
GG

[Abhijeet Deshmukh, MD]

Hello.

This is indeed a serious issue. I was wondering if he is under some stress. May be his job is stressful. This is a treatable situation. Nightmares are usually not so violent. He probably has a lot of aggression and fear inside him. Sleep is a state when all the hidden emotions come out, in dreams ( and nightmares) of course.

He could benefit from mild doses of anti anxiety drugs. Please get him assessed by a Sleep specialist and if possible, by a psychiatrist.

Do not let this issue affect your relationship. Always remind him that you know he is not doing it on purpose.

Regards