Aa
anyone comfortable to share OCD symptoms??
I am a 21 female have been suffering from OCD all my life , im just curious what other peoples out look on it is, what rituals consume there daily lives. maybe it will help me open up my OCD mind!
thank you kindly
any feed back would be greatly appreciated
i also have a lot of information im looking forward to sharing!
Saidee
thank you kindly
any feed back would be greatly appreciated
i also have a lot of information im looking forward to sharing!
Saidee
I have OCD and have had it for at least the past five years in a more severe form. I hate it! I am manic depressive and take 150 mg venlafaxine daily.This was about th 10th tablet it took to ease my depression. I had always had minor ocd throughout my life, checking things, checking doors etc and like alot of people mine seems to be in 4s! I also have the germ branch of OCD which i feel is the worst part of it all. I am hugely paranoid about catching HIV /Aids and have an intense fear of blood and germs, especially other peoples.I am married with two kids and am 31. Having kids around you and trying to live with OCD is aweful and i feel i am messing up their life for them with my so called ways and rituals :/ Alongside the depression they feed off each other so if i am having a bad bot of depression then the OCD is extreme.I feel it is majorly controling my life.Last week someone had leaned on our car and left blood on my husbands door handle which he could have touched at some point and this has been driving my OCD crazy! I know there are no risks of anything being transmitted but still there is that naggng part in my brain that tries to convince me otherwise.I feel it is a constant battle to even maintain my life.As a result of the car and blood i have not been able to get back into the car yet and have not been able to face anything.Today is my first day out of bed.I had posted to the doctors on here for reassurance and they have given it saying that dried blood carries nothing and that it is not usually something people worry about it, just makes me feel even less normal :( I have been watching Monk on dvd - the detective with OCD? I can relate to him so much and the lyrics at the beginning of the show literally some up the world i live in.My husband helps as best he can and the kids try to do their bit but the youngest son - 12 - also shows signs of OCD and regularly antibacs his hands etc. We must have shares in antibac handwash and creams!! I am waiting for a referal to come through so i can have CBT to help with this, it can be done through your docs if you ask for it.It would be nice to talk to others who see the world as i do and maybe hopefully exchange hints on how to make it more livable!
I'm 14 years old "turned 14; 2 days ago" and i believe i have OCD. Most of my friends make fun of me because they think i'm making up **** when it irritates me very... I don't know if i've actually been diagnosed with OCD or if it's just something mentally wrong with me, but I have many symptoms. One of the things I do that irritates me SO MUCH, is that whenever im running a mile at school, i'll breathe in, with my hand behind, and swing it forward from the momentum, and breathe out. I start to think to my self that that space i just swung my arm through is pushed out of place and i have to keep my arm in front of me, breathe in, swing it behind me, and breathe out to fix the spot. THENNN i need to fix the spots that were broken all around it, like a square or something, it consumes alllllll the time i need to be running... sounds very stupid, but i have to deal with it, everysingle day... as i speak right now, im rubbing my foot up and down my computer trying to fix the spot i screwed up by breathing in then out at different locations... OK, here is something that none of my friends know about me, and its one main symptom that you have OCD, I have fetishes where, i can think about having sex with animals, and even people i think are really ugly and disgusting and get more turned on than to some really hot girl... it's very very wierd and sounds wierd... i never understood why i have those fetishes... but thats my daily, time consuming OCD i go through, best luck to all(:
I am 14 and sadly suffer OCD. I think it may be mild with comparing to the rest of your stories. 4 is my number. I have to do things in 4 sets of 4 if that makes sense. For instance in my back room there are french doors a sofa and a mirror behind. I have to look in the mirror left and right 4 times then in the french doors 4 times and repeat 4 times. Shoes have to be in the same line, one can't be slightly infront of the other. I have to swallow a lot and if i touch something with the left hand I have to touch it with my right hand aswell. Even if the taps are off, I have to turn them so I know they are completely off and won't even drip. I have to turn the lights on, walk in my bathroom, look in the mirror. Walk out turn the light off and repeat four times. If something has been pulled out of the microwave like a second early, I have to press stop so it returns to 0:00. I have a feeling that something is crawling, but nothing is there :/. If I'm in a shop, I have to look in the mirror as I walk past and make sure I've looked in the mirror 4 times before I can leave the shop. If I brush past something on my left side, I have to go back and brush against it on my right side too. I have to make sure my light switch is off go downstairs and run back up and check 4 times. I have to kiss my little brothers goodnight 4 times and they have to say I love you back. If someone walks past my living room window in the street I have to glance at them 4 times and 4 people have got to walk past as well before I can leave the room If i don't do many of these things I fear something bad is going to happen. Please help, I want to nip it in the bud now before it gets out of hand.
I have lived with OCD my entire life (I'm 28). The good news is that it does get better with conscious effort. While I do think my OCD has morphed in some way into Obsessive-Compulsive Personality disorder, it has gotten a lot better. In fact I attribute a lot of my thirst for knowledge to having OCD since it tends to make you curious about the world.
Anyway, it was horrible as a child. Many rituals. But over time I noticed I didn't have time to do the rituals. This was the beginning of self-therapy. The busier I was the less the rituals. At 28 I'm constantly busy and the OCD, while still there no doubt, isn't anywhere as debilitating as it used to be. I do know that I have OCP and need to start working on ways to cope with that but if I had my choice I'll take OCP over OCD any day.
Anyway, it was horrible as a child. Many rituals. But over time I noticed I didn't have time to do the rituals. This was the beginning of self-therapy. The busier I was the less the rituals. At 28 I'm constantly busy and the OCD, while still there no doubt, isn't anywhere as debilitating as it used to be. I do know that I have OCP and need to start working on ways to cope with that but if I had my choice I'll take OCP over OCD any day.
My 5 year old daughter has OCD...I think she has always had it, but it flared up after a dpt/polio shot. She also has an sensitivity to foods with sulfites. Is there a chemical link to the OCD? It seems to get worse when she has alerigic reactions.
I did a search on the left side of the brain being more dense (left striatum??) in people with OCD, but I think the studies were done using a specialized MRI technique. Don't know if they can pick it up on CT scan (like you had), so possibly the left-sided density means something different in your case. You should ask your doctor about it--it would be interesting to know what he says. I had never read about this before. I thought the only differences they picked up were on PET scan, but you are right about the MRI. I also saw that OCD is now thought to possibly be autoimmune in nature-which I never in my life had heard before. I found that even more interesting and intend to read more about it. You also asked in an earlier posting if OCD can cause tingly, crawly sensations. Saidee, I have never personally had that (associated with OCD, anyway) and have never read it is a symptom, however, you are right that anxiety (particularly panic attacks) can cause tingling and even numbness, so I guess it is possible OCD could be the cause of your tingly/crawly sensations if you feel really anxious as well.
Before i respond to all your note annie, you said that you have some medical/neuro issues your trying to sort out....that is also why i am on this site actually!.... I have been to many docters over two years, all i keep hearing is i may have MS. I have been experiencing crawling, tickling sensation all over my back and arms, hot/cold sensations on my scalp, pain in different area's on my body. I've had no answers really for the past two year. I went for a CT on the 8th it came back showing somthing wrong with the density on the left side, automatically im worried about MS.... but since then i have been doing alote of research.... i really didn't think that OCD could be the cause of this, then i came across MRI images of a brain with OCD and a normal brain ....the one with OCD look very much less dense then the normal brain....it also said people with OCD have significantly less density in the white matter of the brain...."could this be what showed on the CT ", I also discovered that anxiety causes many weird sensations,such as the one's im experiencing and anxiety is the main cause of OCD....right!?!
I don't mean to throw another one of my issues at you, i just thought maybe if you were experiencing similar sensations or had an abnormal CT, maybe it could aswell be linked to your OCD, im hoping that mine is , so i can consintrate on one thing.
I have alote to say to the rest of your note aswell but i have to run to work.... i will continue.... when i get home!!
Best of Luck!
Saidee
Saidee,
I can't remember everything from your post right now, but I will respond in part (and then respond more later if I have left anything out). First of all, thank you for sharing all that you did regarding your OCD. It was quite interesting to read it. As far as my being *thorough* in my response to you, well, I think that's my OCD talking (LOL). I tend to be overly thorough about everything I do. I'm always afraid I will leave something out/miss something!
Saidee, you would be surprised how similar people's symptoms are who have OCD--that's why you can relate to what I wrote about mine--the counting over and over (to 4 in your case), evening things out, etc. I also do the same sort of thing you do with regards to not looking at a tree/object so that everything will be ok/safe, except that I do it sometimes when I walk with the cracks on the sidewalk (mine is more of a pointless mind game, though--maybe left over from my childhood, I don't know--and I can't say I actually fear something bad is going to happen if I do step on the cracks). You mentioned you saved worthless/pointless things (can't remember what exactly)-couldn't throw them away. I do the same thing with newspapers, packing material from boxes, etc. I used to save hundreds of Snapple bottle tops (don't drink it anymore, which is a good thing!) with the little messages inside that would say things like "Most people have eaten an average of 4 spiders while asleep during their lifetime," and other useless information like that. I would tell myself that maybe my nieces and nephews would want the tops, and then I would never ask them because I knew they wouldn't want them! Sometimes I save stuff because I am afraid of throwing out information that I will somehow need later, but some things I save forever because I feel like I would be throwing out a part of myself/my life (old clothes, Christmas cards I received from 20 years ago, etc.).
I'm sorry about your dad's accident. I hope he recovered from whatever happened to him. That would make sense that you would get OCD or it would get worse if you already had it around that time, because it would be a very stressful time in your life. I understand why you feel like you have to turn around and check in the parking garage because you are worried about your mom's safety. You probably feel like you have to do that so nothing happens to her as well. I think a lot of OCD revolves around trying to prevent bad things from happening-to ourselves and those we love. I also had a similar experience about 10 years ago. My oldest brother, whom I was closer to than anyone in my family, was in a really bad car accident and on a ventilator/life support for six weeks, and I was afraid that if I thought certain thoughts or didn't say certain things to God in my prayers or didn't pray a certain number of times (and I am not particularly religious), I would somehow cause his death. Of course I intended to pray for him, anyway, but there was a real OCD-fear attached to my prayers and a fear that if I pictured certain things in my mind I would bring about his death.
I am glad you have your mom to talk to about it and she has been understanding. A lot more is known about OCD now than when I was a kid (or even your age, 21). I also felt like a freak when I was little (especially elementary school years). I also knew I was different but didn't know why, because I couldn't figure out why I did the nonsensical things I did, and at that time I knew of no other kids that had OCD (although there probably were a few). If you go onto an OCD website, do any reading on the web or get a book on OCD, or listen to a talk show about it, you will find a real commonality of symptoms among OCD sufferers. That is really not surprising since it is a disease of the brain just like any other disease with common symptoms.
Saidee, if you are not on medicine for it I would try to get on some. There are a lot of different ones and you might hit upon one that will help you. Also, cognitive therapy helps some people, but of course that is expensive and sometimes the meds alone are enough to make a big difference in quality of life/functioning. It sounds like your OCD has really affected your life. You also sound like you might have some problems with social anxiety disorder(?) You mentioned you thought kids were talking about you when you were in school. I imagine that contributed to your dropping out. Or did you just feel that kids might be talking about you because you felt different due to your OCD? A lot of people with social anxiety disorder ALSO have OCD (and in fact I have both). For me the social anxiety disorder (or the social phobia as they used to call it) was (as a child) and still is more of an issue than the OCD. I managed to make it through high school with good grades and get into the college I wanted to go to (I also felt like others were talking about me (not paranoia, just great insecurity/felt constantly scrutinized and under a microscope by others-always afraid I would say/do something stupid and humiliate myself), but I had to drop out due to my social anxiety disorder. That was devastating for me at the time and greatly affected the course of my life. So I know exactly how you feel about not being all that you could be. I hope you can get on a med that helps with the OCD if possible. There are also drugs for social anxiety disorder-if you do suffer from that--(MAO inhibitors and some of the other antidepressants) that you and your doctor might want to consider if you think you might have that too. You sound like a nice person and I hope you get the help you need while you are still young.
Right now I am dealing with a medical/neurologic problem, and waiting to hear news on that-that's why I started reading and then posting on this board-but I don't mind in the least talking about OCD or other mental health issues. I guess because it is an anonymous forum it's easier to be open about things. Stay in touch if you want on the forum and I will do the same.
I can't remember everything from your post right now, but I will respond in part (and then respond more later if I have left anything out). First of all, thank you for sharing all that you did regarding your OCD. It was quite interesting to read it. As far as my being *thorough* in my response to you, well, I think that's my OCD talking (LOL). I tend to be overly thorough about everything I do. I'm always afraid I will leave something out/miss something!
Saidee, you would be surprised how similar people's symptoms are who have OCD--that's why you can relate to what I wrote about mine--the counting over and over (to 4 in your case), evening things out, etc. I also do the same sort of thing you do with regards to not looking at a tree/object so that everything will be ok/safe, except that I do it sometimes when I walk with the cracks on the sidewalk (mine is more of a pointless mind game, though--maybe left over from my childhood, I don't know--and I can't say I actually fear something bad is going to happen if I do step on the cracks). You mentioned you saved worthless/pointless things (can't remember what exactly)-couldn't throw them away. I do the same thing with newspapers, packing material from boxes, etc. I used to save hundreds of Snapple bottle tops (don't drink it anymore, which is a good thing!) with the little messages inside that would say things like "Most people have eaten an average of 4 spiders while asleep during their lifetime," and other useless information like that. I would tell myself that maybe my nieces and nephews would want the tops, and then I would never ask them because I knew they wouldn't want them! Sometimes I save stuff because I am afraid of throwing out information that I will somehow need later, but some things I save forever because I feel like I would be throwing out a part of myself/my life (old clothes, Christmas cards I received from 20 years ago, etc.).
I'm sorry about your dad's accident. I hope he recovered from whatever happened to him. That would make sense that you would get OCD or it would get worse if you already had it around that time, because it would be a very stressful time in your life. I understand why you feel like you have to turn around and check in the parking garage because you are worried about your mom's safety. You probably feel like you have to do that so nothing happens to her as well. I think a lot of OCD revolves around trying to prevent bad things from happening-to ourselves and those we love. I also had a similar experience about 10 years ago. My oldest brother, whom I was closer to than anyone in my family, was in a really bad car accident and on a ventilator/life support for six weeks, and I was afraid that if I thought certain thoughts or didn't say certain things to God in my prayers or didn't pray a certain number of times (and I am not particularly religious), I would somehow cause his death. Of course I intended to pray for him, anyway, but there was a real OCD-fear attached to my prayers and a fear that if I pictured certain things in my mind I would bring about his death.
I am glad you have your mom to talk to about it and she has been understanding. A lot more is known about OCD now than when I was a kid (or even your age, 21). I also felt like a freak when I was little (especially elementary school years). I also knew I was different but didn't know why, because I couldn't figure out why I did the nonsensical things I did, and at that time I knew of no other kids that had OCD (although there probably were a few). If you go onto an OCD website, do any reading on the web or get a book on OCD, or listen to a talk show about it, you will find a real commonality of symptoms among OCD sufferers. That is really not surprising since it is a disease of the brain just like any other disease with common symptoms.
Saidee, if you are not on medicine for it I would try to get on some. There are a lot of different ones and you might hit upon one that will help you. Also, cognitive therapy helps some people, but of course that is expensive and sometimes the meds alone are enough to make a big difference in quality of life/functioning. It sounds like your OCD has really affected your life. You also sound like you might have some problems with social anxiety disorder(?) You mentioned you thought kids were talking about you when you were in school. I imagine that contributed to your dropping out. Or did you just feel that kids might be talking about you because you felt different due to your OCD? A lot of people with social anxiety disorder ALSO have OCD (and in fact I have both). For me the social anxiety disorder (or the social phobia as they used to call it) was (as a child) and still is more of an issue than the OCD. I managed to make it through high school with good grades and get into the college I wanted to go to (I also felt like others were talking about me (not paranoia, just great insecurity/felt constantly scrutinized and under a microscope by others-always afraid I would say/do something stupid and humiliate myself), but I had to drop out due to my social anxiety disorder. That was devastating for me at the time and greatly affected the course of my life. So I know exactly how you feel about not being all that you could be. I hope you can get on a med that helps with the OCD if possible. There are also drugs for social anxiety disorder-if you do suffer from that--(MAO inhibitors and some of the other antidepressants) that you and your doctor might want to consider if you think you might have that too. You sound like a nice person and I hope you get the help you need while you are still young.
Right now I am dealing with a medical/neurologic problem, and waiting to hear news on that-that's why I started reading and then posting on this board-but I don't mind in the least talking about OCD or other mental health issues. I guess because it is an anonymous forum it's easier to be open about things. Stay in touch if you want on the forum and I will do the same.
Annie
Thank you for taking the time to explain everything to me so thouroughly.... I was shocked to see that we shared some of the exact same feelings!! When you were talking about the "need for everything to be even" i was like...., that's exactly it.. I have the obsessions also were if i rub somthing or bump into it, i must do it again to make it feel even. The number 4 is practically imprinted in my brain , everything i do, must be counted to 4 .. must take 4 seconds to put on a shirt, or count 1,2,3,4 1,2,3,4 until i get my shirt on..etc., , i also kept little pointless things like transfers or gum rappers....it really doesn't make any sense but i can see how anxiety is the main force in OCD sufferers. Sometimes i'll tell my self .... " if you look at that tree, somthing horrible will happen", and when i pass the tree and dont look at it .. i feel like ,, " ithings are okay for a while!or like my anxiety is supressed for jus a moment!
Growing up i remember thinking, " i wonder if other people do these things or have these horrifying visions everyday"..but of coarse i was to ashamed to ask.. I new that i was different.. never having a normal, happy childhood. I remember always being worried and fearful.. My mom thought that maybe i was tramatized! >> my father had a traggic accident when i was 10 and almost died.. from that moment i assume my OCD got worse, because my mom really started noticing me acting weird.... I tried my best to cover up my stupid rituals .. but how can my mom ignore me looking over my shoulder a million times, b4 getting to the car in the under ground parking lot....
I always had visions of bad things happening to my mom late at night , when getting out of her car and walking through the under ground.... i guess just being there made me extremly nervous .. because i would look over my shoulder 50 times b4 reaching the car ,, and i really had no control.
My mother is a very understanding, comforting person, i believe she took all the steps necessary to help me open up to her ..
she was the only person i felt comfortable enough to share just a few of my obsessions with,, certain thoughts i've had i don't know if i'll ever be comfortable to share.
....
Life is Crazy isn't it !?!!
Im really hoping with the right treatment i can improve my quality of life.. Im 21 years old, with a grade 10 education =(.. my high school days were terrifying for me .. i struggled with socializing skills and thought everyone talked behind my back .. as if they could see all my insecurities. I found it very hard to consentrate in class, and even though i gave it my all, i found it very hard to understand even simple lessons from the teacher.
my family and friends have always wanted me to pursue a cereer in modeling, i feel that i have failed misserably. In my life period, like i could have been so much more,.... i could be so much more.. but there's this big, fat, ugly wall in my way at the moment..ha!
I guess in a situation like this knowledge is the best thing for me, learning what it is?, how it works, and how im going to get threw it ..
oh by the way my mom say's that she thinks she had a mild case of OCD, but grew out of it, and my brother whom is 44 coincidently.......said that he used to suffer from it but grew out of it aswell.. i don't know if that is possible for a case such as ours??
Thank You so much for taking the time to share this experience with me .. I hope one day we can see eachother on here with Subject: "saying" ((OCD> symptom free)) =)
please keep in touch....
p.s I dont think another 21 year old could have helped with this situation, as much as you have....plus ( the older the wiser ) you know that girl!! ha ha
Take Care
Saidee
My shrink says I have OCD - Im aged 33 - no kids, 2 dogs (my babies) married, on LTD (MS) Major Depression, PSTD, Possible Bi-Polar (although I disagree on that one) I consider my OCD to be very mild to what I have seen and heard. I would say that I have major compulsive 'thoughts' but not major compulsive actions. If that makes sense?
What about you? Does it consume your whole life or just certain things? Is there a trigger?
It drives me insane sometimes but when I notice it I have to sit back, evaluate the situation and try to do what makes sense (usually I do the completle opposite of what would make sense to a normal person). Maybe my anti-depress meds (wellbutrin) help as I have gotten better over the last few yrs - but maybe my monthly shrink visits have helped.
Mu husband has OCD too (it must be in the air) but also suffers from other major health issues that involve extreme pain and childhood trauma.
Are there meds for OCD?
What about you? Does it consume your whole life or just certain things? Is there a trigger?
It drives me insane sometimes but when I notice it I have to sit back, evaluate the situation and try to do what makes sense (usually I do the completle opposite of what would make sense to a normal person). Maybe my anti-depress meds (wellbutrin) help as I have gotten better over the last few yrs - but maybe my monthly shrink visits have helped.
Mu husband has OCD too (it must be in the air) but also suffers from other major health issues that involve extreme pain and childhood trauma.
Are there meds for OCD?
pickle,
You can have the obsession part (obsessive/repetitive thoughts) without the compulsive part (repetitive actions/behaviors) and still have OCD. I'm not sure if Wellbutrin is supposed to help with OCD or not. Yes, there are many meds now prescribed for it including Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, anafranil, Luvox, etc., all antidepressants as well. It's funny that you mentioned OCD in this post, because when you mentioned bipolar disorder in your above MS/bipolar posting, I was thinking to myself that it sounded more like (possible) OCD. Also, I don't know if one can cycle that rapidly with bipolar (go from high/happy to depressed/angry, etc.) within minutes. I won't say it is not possible-cause I don't know for sure-but I knew people that were bipolar and it didn't work that way with them. The change in mood took longer-days-not minutes. I'm sure depression/changes in mood are common with MS as they are in a lot of chronic stressful illnesses with fluctuating symptoms. I go through the same thing.
You can have the obsession part (obsessive/repetitive thoughts) without the compulsive part (repetitive actions/behaviors) and still have OCD. I'm not sure if Wellbutrin is supposed to help with OCD or not. Yes, there are many meds now prescribed for it including Paxil, Prozac, Zoloft, anafranil, Luvox, etc., all antidepressants as well. It's funny that you mentioned OCD in this post, because when you mentioned bipolar disorder in your above MS/bipolar posting, I was thinking to myself that it sounded more like (possible) OCD. Also, I don't know if one can cycle that rapidly with bipolar (go from high/happy to depressed/angry, etc.) within minutes. I won't say it is not possible-cause I don't know for sure-but I knew people that were bipolar and it didn't work that way with them. The change in mood took longer-days-not minutes. I'm sure depression/changes in mood are common with MS as they are in a lot of chronic stressful illnesses with fluctuating symptoms. I go through the same thing.
Saidee,
As I mentioned in an earlier post to you, I have had OCD my entire life. I don't know if you want to hear from someone as old as me (I'm 44)-hopefully there is someone younger out there who will respond and you will have someone to chat with, whom you can relate to better-but I know for me OCD has been a chronic condition. I don't mind sharing about it, it's nothing I am ashamed of-and you shouldn't be either--we certainly didn't ask for it.
From my earliest memories, going back to the age of 2 or 3, I had compulsive behaviors. Back then they didn't know anything about it. My mom (quite frankly) thought I was weird :) and took me to the pediatrician. He just said I was a nervous child and would outgrow the things I was doing. Of course that didn't happen (as I said, they didn't know anything about OCD back then--the late '60s). Well, when I was little these were some of the things I did: I constantly cleared my throat (that was a big one with me, and in fact I still do it though not nearly as much). I also used to cough repeatedly and sniff with my nose deeply. My brothers and sisters used to tell me to shut up because apparently I drove them crazy. I had know idea why I was doing what I did, just knew that I HAD to do it. I would go into my bedroom just so I could clear my throat and sniff. It was like having an itch that i had to scratch; when I scratched it I got relief, but then it would itch all over again and I had to scratch it again. It made me feel really guilty as a child because my family had no understanding of it (and neither did I, for that matter). I also had (and still have, though to a lesser degree) a need to even things out. For instance, if I accidentally bumped my arm/leg into the wall or brushed against something, I would have to turn around and do it on the other side-brush against it with my other arm/leg. I couldn't stand for things to feel uneven--it was almost like the sensation of touch left an imprint on my skin after the object was no longer in contact with it, and that unevenness drove me crazy. Back in my late 20s I went through a period of several months where I had a worsening of my symptoms and it literally took me 2 1/2 hours to take a shower. It was more about the evening of both sides than obsession with cleanliness (I would wash one arm, then the other; then I would have to go back and wash the other arm again because it didn't feel even to me, etc.). I would have broken petechiae/blood vessels all over my arms by the time I was done. The amazing thing was that I would write down what time I went into the shower (say 8 o'clock in the morning) and when I got out each day it would be within 5 minutes every single time (say 10:30 or 10:35), even though I did not have a clock in the bathroom with me. It was almost as if I had an internal clock that told me when it was ok to quit the scrubbing of my body/evening of washing both sides. Eventually it subsided and I went back to the status quo. I also count to 10 over and over. I write the number 18 (as if with a pencil) in my head. I used to check things incessantly (not as bad now)--the stove, the door locks, the windows, the fridge, etc., sometimes to the point of breaking the blood vessels in my fingers from pulling on the door handles. I also save just about every scrap of paper and feel that I have to read every little thing before I can put it into the recyclable bin (am afraid I am going to throw out something I might need or important information). I also wash my hands a lot and am very obsessive about keeping faucets, door handles, etc., in my house clean, but this last thing I see as something that actually makes a lot of sense since it has saved me from innumerable colds/infections that I otherwise would have gotten and made my neurologic/autoimmune condition worse. I didn't get dxd until I was about 24. Later I went on the drug anafranil, which helped me considerably. There are several meds used for OCD, as you probably know. Some therapists think cognitive therapy is most effective treatment (or therapy combined with meds), but for me the drug was what did the trick. Also, as you probably know, it is often hereditary. I found out many years later that my mom actually has mild OCD (the obsessions only) and her aunt had severe OCD. So I hope you don't feel alone in your OCD and I hope there is someone else out there who, if they have it, responds. It really isn't all that uncommon. Good luck to you.
As I mentioned in an earlier post to you, I have had OCD my entire life. I don't know if you want to hear from someone as old as me (I'm 44)-hopefully there is someone younger out there who will respond and you will have someone to chat with, whom you can relate to better-but I know for me OCD has been a chronic condition. I don't mind sharing about it, it's nothing I am ashamed of-and you shouldn't be either--we certainly didn't ask for it.
From my earliest memories, going back to the age of 2 or 3, I had compulsive behaviors. Back then they didn't know anything about it. My mom (quite frankly) thought I was weird :) and took me to the pediatrician. He just said I was a nervous child and would outgrow the things I was doing. Of course that didn't happen (as I said, they didn't know anything about OCD back then--the late '60s). Well, when I was little these were some of the things I did: I constantly cleared my throat (that was a big one with me, and in fact I still do it though not nearly as much). I also used to cough repeatedly and sniff with my nose deeply. My brothers and sisters used to tell me to shut up because apparently I drove them crazy. I had know idea why I was doing what I did, just knew that I HAD to do it. I would go into my bedroom just so I could clear my throat and sniff. It was like having an itch that i had to scratch; when I scratched it I got relief, but then it would itch all over again and I had to scratch it again. It made me feel really guilty as a child because my family had no understanding of it (and neither did I, for that matter). I also had (and still have, though to a lesser degree) a need to even things out. For instance, if I accidentally bumped my arm/leg into the wall or brushed against something, I would have to turn around and do it on the other side-brush against it with my other arm/leg. I couldn't stand for things to feel uneven--it was almost like the sensation of touch left an imprint on my skin after the object was no longer in contact with it, and that unevenness drove me crazy. Back in my late 20s I went through a period of several months where I had a worsening of my symptoms and it literally took me 2 1/2 hours to take a shower. It was more about the evening of both sides than obsession with cleanliness (I would wash one arm, then the other; then I would have to go back and wash the other arm again because it didn't feel even to me, etc.). I would have broken petechiae/blood vessels all over my arms by the time I was done. The amazing thing was that I would write down what time I went into the shower (say 8 o'clock in the morning) and when I got out each day it would be within 5 minutes every single time (say 10:30 or 10:35), even though I did not have a clock in the bathroom with me. It was almost as if I had an internal clock that told me when it was ok to quit the scrubbing of my body/evening of washing both sides. Eventually it subsided and I went back to the status quo. I also count to 10 over and over. I write the number 18 (as if with a pencil) in my head. I used to check things incessantly (not as bad now)--the stove, the door locks, the windows, the fridge, etc., sometimes to the point of breaking the blood vessels in my fingers from pulling on the door handles. I also save just about every scrap of paper and feel that I have to read every little thing before I can put it into the recyclable bin (am afraid I am going to throw out something I might need or important information). I also wash my hands a lot and am very obsessive about keeping faucets, door handles, etc., in my house clean, but this last thing I see as something that actually makes a lot of sense since it has saved me from innumerable colds/infections that I otherwise would have gotten and made my neurologic/autoimmune condition worse. I didn't get dxd until I was about 24. Later I went on the drug anafranil, which helped me considerably. There are several meds used for OCD, as you probably know. Some therapists think cognitive therapy is most effective treatment (or therapy combined with meds), but for me the drug was what did the trick. Also, as you probably know, it is often hereditary. I found out many years later that my mom actually has mild OCD (the obsessions only) and her aunt had severe OCD. So I hope you don't feel alone in your OCD and I hope there is someone else out there who, if they have it, responds. It really isn't all that uncommon. Good luck to you.
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