HOCD giving me negative thoughts?

[LadyOlivia]

I am a 16 year old girl, I have been having thoughts about if I am turning gay and questioning my sexuality for the past months. I know I am straight, but my thoughts are giving me pictures of lesbian sex. It is scaring me to death and I don't want to imagine these things. When I discovered porn around age 7 or 8, I became addicted to sex. When I got bored with hetero. porn, I watched lesbian porn and it aroused me. Not the actresses doing the scenes, but making my vagina feel good. Guys in porn never make women feel good. I have NO interest in women at all! All my crushes have been on guys and in fact, I had my first real crush on a guy! But, I am afraid that those lesbian fantasies (it didn't include me in them) are going to come to real life and I have a few female friends who are mostly bisexual and it makes me uncomfortable when they talk about having sex with a female celebrity. I don't like it. My anxiety has been like a raging monster that is giving me false information when I already know my TRUE self. Even, when I see pretty girls who adore their beauty and who has a nice body, I get nervous that I might "hit on them" and giving me false arousal. I feel disgusted that porn is making me like this. I am crying because I don't want to become gay. What can I do to get this demon out of me?

[LadyOlivia]

No, I don't have access to counseling. I have watched gay porn with men and I do get aroused too. My real crush was a boy! I don't see myself being with a woman and having sex with one. I had a real orgasm about boys. It felt good. My brain goes through thoughts every day thinking that I'm gay, repeating the words "wife" and "girlfriend", I even got scared of thinking of marriage between a girl but they come and go. Those thoughts make my brain tired and give me headaches. I almost believed those thoughts were true, but they're not. I haven't had a boyfriend in 6 years. I haven't been letting my thoughts bother me now, since I am starting to eat more and have positive attitude. How can I still beat these thoughts down for good?

[JGF25]

Hi there.  Ideally you should see a psychologist to see if you do have OCD. I believe that who we are attracted to is built into our chemical makeup, i.e., our genes.  You don't just wake up one day and end up being somebody else.  Our genes are what flood our body with hormones when we see something that excites us.  Anyway, the bottom line is if you cannot see yourself walking hand and hand down the road with another woman or having any type of sexual relations with another woman, then you cannot possibly be gay.  Porn is the great catastrophizer.  The reason is because after you have watched "normal" porn for a while it gets boring and so you go looking for something more exciting and when I say exciting I mean different.  Just because you had a reaction to two women in a porn video doesn't mean you are gay.  It just means you are excited about something different.  Now if you were to watch two men together I'm sure you would probably find that interesting as well because it is different.  

Do you have access to counseling?