I've never felt like this before I need help!

[John_Donn]

So I'm 15 years old, 6 "4, pretty good looking, texting lots of chicks, ya know? I'm into Beatles music (sorry for those who think it's the devil's music) and I until recently I've been a confident intelligent guy. But recently I've had some challenging thoughts towards gayness. Now I've never felt gay in my entire life. I've always masturbated thinking about girls, always loved the idea of making out having sex etc with a girl. But now all the sudden I feel gay. Not like the way I walk or talk. But the way I feel. I've looked up a lot online but I've never found something that quite fit what's happened to me. So here does nothing.

It really started when I first looked up porn. (Straight porn) I was 13 and curious about sex. I felt bad and told my parents, they told me it was perfectly natural. Then I did it again (I know I'm stupid) only this time I saw some gay imagery. To be short and sweet I looked at it thought it was weird and closed the window to look at more straight porn. Another thing. I had a very sheltered childhood (okay when I was younger) and at this point I didn't even know what homosexuality was. So me and my dad talk a lot. And I had almost forgotten I had even looked up porn A second time. And we started talking about homosexuality, the cause what it is etc... And he said that it mostly comes from abuse, like early exposer to pornography, rape, and other different kinds of abuse. Now my parents are very liberal (not who they vote for but as far as philosophy) and when I said that I thought that being gay was a little creepy they said things like not to judge them, love them, be friends with them, that kinda stuff. And I have gay friends, lesbians and men, my cousins are gay for instance. But I've never felt gay before. Until one day when I was masturbating I thought about the gay porn I saw. I masturbated to it and, well, it was just as attractive as masturbating to girls. Afterward I felt anxiety and embarrassment to an extreme. To the point that I started doing worse in school. Then I forgot about it for a while. Until a gay guy stalked me on Instagram, I blocked him. But then it kept running through my head, "Did he like me because I thought I had gay characteristics etc..." And from then on I was a freak about it. I would do things like turn a doorknob so many times so that I wasn't gay. Or look up gay porn and straight porn to see if I'm straight or not. Note: I always felt attracted to the straight porn, however, when I masturbate now, it's more difficult to masturbate thinking about straight imagery than gay imagery! But whenever a girl's real close, or I see some erotic imagery I never get arosed by the gay imagery. And I'm not a homophobe! I just feel horrible about this because I know what it's like to feel straight and this isn't it! Anyways I just need some insight into what has happened, any help is appreciated.

P.S. It's just the sexuality not the relationship part of it.

[123tushar07]

It looks like you have symptoms of ocd, do you have other symptoms also like checking switches,door  repetitively,washing hands again and again,doing things in a certain order?