I’m in the same exact predicament asking you because first off this year so has been flushing toilet for me; in other words it’s been hell from January from jump. First I was suffering from HOCD from 11th January 8 years after another book was thrown at me. The thing is I stated to have HOCD from that date and it successfully sheereed and bury my true inner self which I honestly want back. The reason that it successfully sheered me was because of a decline of testosterone. By the beginning of March tocd started to come in my life and both HOCD and TOCD teamed up and actually ruining my life because each benefit from my decline of testosterone. Every night I keep being worried about the execution of being comfortable of being cisgender is getting executed by HOCD and tocd is actually destroying my life and soul. The only alternative way to have this dealt with is to start testing my brain via new cognitive skills and I also feel that I won’t even survive for even less than two months because the benefits of HOCD and/or TOCD and their goal is to align unwanted stuff and brainwashed my body at least into legitimately thinking that that what I wanted to do which I don’t want to be a girl I wanted to be with one I don’t also want to be gay as well because I feel like these two are recleansing my actual history and dealing with this is trying to eat me som more The life I love and have prior to January is going upside down
Keep up with your therapy. You can always discuss medication with your doctor to see if he/she thinks an increase would help you more.
It feels like a fear over abutting else, and I just get anxiety because I'm frustrated because I don't want to have these thoughts anymore, I am on some meds, but I think I might need to get them fixed, it didn't help that when I was young and growing up I used to be called girly man by a family friend, it really pissed me off every time I heard that, I don't wanna be a girl, and could never see myself in the typical female persona, I feel like if I was trans I would be saying I wish I was a girl, instead I find myself saying I wish that I no longer have these thoughts/ fears
It feels like a fear over abutting else, and I just get anxiety because I'm frustrated because I don't want to have these thoughts anymore, I am on some meds, but I think I might need to get them fixed, it didn't help that when I was young and growing up I used to be called girly man by a family friend, it really pissed me off every time I heard that, I don't wanna be a girl, and could never see myself in the typical female persona, I feel like if I was trans I would be saying I wish I was a girl, instead I find myself saying I wish that I no longer have these thoughts/ fears
Hi there. Glad you are in therapy. I have not experienced your specific thought...we all have different things that we fear. But the key is to become desensitized to the thought. I'm sure your therapists are teaching you ways to do this. It also isn't uncommon to look back into your childhood and try to find out what triggered the thought. Obviously Bruce Jenner isn't doing anyone with OCD any favors but if you listen to him, he will say that he has always felt trapped in the wrong body. You don't feel trapped in the wrong body. That is a big difference. You can't force your body to be something it isn't. Can you imagine what it would really be to feel like you were in the wrong body and feel like you can't change it. That must have been hell for Bruce. You on the other hand, from what it sounds like and from what your therapists have concluded, is that you have OCD and you need to learn to think differently. Retrain your brain if you will. Have you ever tried medication?