Aa
I have a recurring thought I can not shake
I thought about going into a gay bar thinking this was a good idea this thought now does not leave me. In,fact I think it made me so,anxious,it gave me permanent tinnitus my ears began ringing after I thought this. Now when I hear my ears ring I remember this thought.
And God does not hate you AND you will not always be this way. Remind me if you are taking meds.
Okay, so you did a visual exposure. When you thought of going into the bar and dancing with the guys, what was your gut reaction? Was it something you could even remotely see yourself doing? I'm thinking not. And if that is the case, then the visual exercise actually is working. It helps in that it makes you realize that you are not the type of person who would do this. The more you do the visualization, pretty soon it will become rote and become a non issue. You won't even want to waste your time on the exercise anymore. I used to have to do visualization on certain thoughts quite often until I got to the "I don't feel the need to do that one anymore."
as far as the backround I have HOCD and I thought facing this fear in my mind would be a good thing not at all. I basically thought of going into a gay bar dancing with a bunch of dudes very provacitively and saying to myself this isnt for me in my head. When I was making progress letting the thoughts be and not judging them I was doing good. Instead I chose to do this mental exposure. I now remember at this moment when I thought this my ears started ringing I have inner ear tinnitus and it has not gone away. Everytime I hear the ringing it reminds me of this tnought. I am convinced God hates me and I dont know what to do anymore. for the rest of my life my whole perception of the world will be changed forever due to this damn thing.
You were making such progress. Remember, you need to take the fear out of these thoughts. You going into a gay bar would just be fueling the OCD and keeping you in the cycle of irrational thinking. Go back to being "indifferent" because remember this was working for you.
I was having my breakthrough too before I thought this bs why did I do it for man. I havent felt better since
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