hello all,
for a while now I have suffered from severe HIV OCD. I have "contracted" hiv a million different times, a million different ways. From accidentally drinking my friends drink, getting "poked" when pumping gas, getting "poked" when opening a door to a store, shaking hands, stepping on a needle, etc. I know in my mind that it is completely ridiculous but i can not seem to shake the fact that it is basically impossible to get in these ways (just after saying that, i had to knock on wood). I had about 4 HIV tests in the span of 7 months (which is completely ridiculous, i know). I often have bad thoughts about people with HIV, which i DO NOT mean. they pop into my head, and i feel so bad after they happen. I often check my body for new things, and when i do find something new, i think i was poked by an infected needle. I am sexually active -- i even made my newest partner get tested before we had sex.
I am so sorry for rambling, but I have no one else to talk to. My friends dont understand and when i do try to talk to them, they dont understand. I am so grateful that I have found this website -- it is such a relief to have complete strangers who are willing to help.
So, after my long ramble.. my question is, does anyone out there suffer from HIV OCD/anxiety? how do you deal with it?
Thank you so much and God Bless.