OCD is called the doubting disorder. Keep up with your therapy....you are not gay especially if you say you would rather die than be attracted to females. Think about this okay.....our bodies are hardwired to react a certain way to people. I'm heterosexual...when I look at good looking guy, my body reacts without thought. When I look at a good looking girl, no reaction. I'm hardwired to be attracted to men. I don't have to think about it. It just is.