Can you explain a bit more about the problems you are having? Also, since this is an old thread you may want to start a new one with a little more detail. JGF
Im 14 and I have ocd which challenges my intelligence at math.The real problem is that I dont know how to tell my parents I have ocd.Somebody please help me
I am glad I am not the only one, along with other commentors, who have this thought. I had bad OCD when I was younger which I mainly expressed through physical rituals, i.e. turning the lights on and off in multiples of 4. Because I didn't want this to take over my life after getting so bad, I started coming up with ways to beat it mentally. I was always worried that I wouldn't be funny anymore and that I wouldn't be clever (because I enjoy making people laugh and love learning), so I would convince myself that if I DID give in to OCD rituals that I wouldn't be clever or funny. This pushed it away quite sucessfully but did make it worse in the long-term.
I had a big break down before sixth form studies and it was down to OCD, I had quite bad thoughts about things and felt so low that I didn't deserve to be funny or clever, so surely I deserve to have these qualities stripped. Because I had pushed the thought of having OCD so far to the back of my mind I forgot that it was OCD. It's as if my mind found another way to make me worry in a more rational way, I thought my brain would make itself forget things and never learn again because I didn't deserve it. I went to Uni after this and did really well, every grade I waited for was a worry that somehow karma would make it a low score, no matter how well I did in the exam. I was very trapped because I also told myself that if I discussed it that it would happen. Every test and exam for me was reassurance of my skills in maths. But now I have finished Uni in 2013 I have nothing to test myself with so eventually it gets worse and worse. I have never been for help for my OCD because after years I have learnt how to understand that it is just a fear. I understand where you are coming from because it makes you not trust your own brain and abilities.
Sometimes my brain asks me to chose between being funny and being clever and causes me alot of stress. I also feel that my thoughts are never relaxed, as if there is a constant struggle between my OCD thoughts and my rational thoughts. I've been up and down with feeling low so I guess it's a pattern, especially feeling low when I'm not learning. I don't really talk about this with anyone but after finding this I had to comment. I don't really know what help is offered but if someone could get back to me I would really appreciate it, or just a chat with someone who understands would be useful.
First off Darren, let me say what a relief it was to discover your post, as your symptoms are very similar to the mental torture that is my Pure O. I have very similar, and equally irrational (though still powerfully fear-evoking) mental contortions that cause extreme duress and anguish. I also jump through the same hoops to seek reasurrance, both through performing mental gymnastics to test my intelligence to be sure it hasn't diminished, and too recall past examples of achievements that cause me to believe I may have lost a step. I trust that there is a reason that I have been given this ailment, and I believe that God will work it out for the good, even if that good is not clear to me at the present moment. I have undergone ERP treatment with a very skilled and sensitive therapist, but have since relapsed and I plan to return to treatment. I, along with my wife, will be attending treatmetn together and I am hopeful that we can find some permanant resolution. Thanks again for the post, it is interesting how knowing there someone else out there with very similar fears brings some sense of peace. Keep fighting the good fight and don't give up.
Hi there....Pure O...well that says it all. This is what we do when we have Pure O. We come up with some really irrational stuff and then what-if it and catastrophize it with our doom and gloom attitude. You didn't mention why your doctor took you off the Lexapro which you termed as your miracle drug. So in my opinion, yes you should go back on the Lexapro.
Remember this, when we are suffering from OCD, I mean really in the throws of it, we cannot think clearly. We become depressed because we are sick and tired of the battle. Now I ask you, who can be witty and smart when you feel like you are coming unglued? You are not dumb nor has your personality changed deep down inside...you just are not you right now because the OCD is not being treated.
You have already realized that internet searches of irrational thoughts are not a good thing because you will find what you are looking for and skip over the contradictory stuff.
You need to talk to your doctor and go back on what was working for you. You know for a face from past experience that this medication works for you and so you need to go back to what works. You also have to remember that you did get better and that your life is not always going to be this way because if you can get better once you can get better again.