OCD and Fear of HIV

[Jozie77]

Hi All
I am so pleased that I have found this forum, as I feel quite alone and have no-one really to chat to about what I go through except my therapist, but often I think that she is just appeasing me.

My story is that I think that I have had ocd in some form or another for most of my life.  When I was a teenager I suffered from anorexia, which I have heard is a form or an expression of ocd.  And I have always basically been paranoid and very much always assuming the worst.

The latest obsession that I have is HIV.  I had protected sex with a friend of mine over a year ago and am completely convinced that I have now been infected with HIV.  The friend has reassured me time and time again that he is negative and plus we used protection.  But everynow and then my ocd flares up and nothing that anyone says can convince me otherwise.  The friend thinks that I am a complete lunatic and we hardly speak to each other anymore as a result of all this.

This isn't the first time I have thought I have had HIV, in the past I have worried about this and despite negative tests I still remained convinced that I have HIV.

Is there anyone out there who can relate to me?  I would love to hear from you.

Please if you are going to tell me to just have an hiv test, don't respond as even though I know is is the most rational thing to do, I can't.

Thanks

[Annababa]

Hi there! I'm so happy i found this site. In my country there are no sites like this. Nobody talks as open about OCDs as here.
I can relate to eveyone of you and wish for every each of you all the best in fighting this horrible OCD.

My OCD started about 2-3 years ago when i had protected sex with a guy. I was pretty young, growing up in kind of a bubble. Newer been proparly informed about STD's. After we had sex he told me he might be HIV infected. That was the worst night of my life. My bubble and nice uncaring life just kinda "poof" exploded.
Since then i'm having irrational thoughts about getting infected. I developed several "rituals" to prevent getting infected such as washing my hands as soon as i touch something thats suspect to me. (I know that i can't be infected just from touching something. infact i know everything about HIV, but there is always the what if?)
This whole fear drives me AND others around me crazy. I try to control everything around me. I have no social life anymore although i live in a serious relationship. One of my biggest fears is to hurt him.
It feels uncredibly good just to write this down, since this is the first time i feel like i'm not alone with this problem.
I would be really greatful if someone could give me some tips how to start to fight this or ease the irrational thoughts.
I wish you all the best. (and sorry for my english)

[oldie573]

Thanks mate, here is hoping...I suppose will keep gnawing at it but your kind words helped and lily,too. Good job.

[JGF25]

You do not fall under the guidelines for being at risk for HIV infection.  So no, I do not think from what you have written that you have anything to worry about.  Take care.  

[oldie573]

freind, you don't want to know you have to do it annually and everyone has to do it and the result is sort of announced...it's the law tell me do you think I am safe...never had anal or vaignal sex since the last test but oral yes, largely protected no ***. Since you shwoed concern

[JGF25]

Lilly is right...there is no need to test but you say you "have to do the test."  What does that mean?  Where do you live that you are being made to do a test?  

[lily168]

Check this one for example on oral sex - no reason to worry

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---International/Oral-Sex-Clarification---HHH--MD/show/1092121

and kissing - no reason to worry

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/HIV---Prevention/kissing/show/1835199