OCD - fear of contamination

[lola099]

I have OCD. I have recently stopped taking my medication as I really hate taking them. I was ok for a while and now it has reappeared and in a bad way.

I am in a constant fear of contamination and if that isn't enough, I am afraid of chemicals in cleaning products and disinfectants to kill this contamination that I fear. Oh, I know, it's a viscious awful circle.

I know my thoughts are irrational. Totally. Even still, there seems to be a part of me that believes in them, because if I didn't why would they still be there?

I have rituals, that make no sense, that I superstisoulsly repeat because in my head this will help the outcome of the situation.

I am going back on my meds, this is a given.

Im just looking to see if there is anyone else out there that can relate, perhaps offer advice...

[tazbomb]

God I hear ya!! I said the very same thing just the other day, " I just want a normal life".  We would give anything not to have this crippling illness.  I too have a constant fear of hiv and contaminating everything and in turn contaminating my loved ones.  I spend 90 % of my time cleaning and seeking reassurance.  The thoughts of not doing the compulsions sends me into a panic attack.  There have been a few times including today that I have told myself I want out! Today was the closest I ever came because I just wanted to go asleep and never wake up!!  I am struggling at the moment so I can't really give u advice, but sometimes it just helps a tiny bit to know that someone out there understands exactly what you're feeling.  I'm sorry u feel you have to let go of your relationship.  I tried to do it but my partner wouldn't leave and I suppose part of me wasn't brave enough to push him away hard enough though believe me I tried.  I will admit that even though he is a rock sometimes, other times he just adds to my problems because  feel I have to protect him aswell.  There have been times I have resented him for triggering off a problem.  As a couple, the only thing we ever really fight about (and fight about a lot) is my ocd.  So if you're not too deep in the relationship, I think it's a wise move to let it go and work on YOU and try and get the help you need now so that your future relationships can be about love and happiness together.  Lets hope we can both get through it and actually feel the joys of life again...

[Jayswife3]

Thank u sooo much!  I wish I felt strong...I feel sooo weak!  I am trying sooo hard to be healthy for my baby!  And I know these thoughts are sooo stupid and make no sense...but its like I can't escape them!  
Thank u for the book advice....I ordered both of them!  I will try anything to get better...hoping this and therapy helps!  

Thanks!

[JGF25]

Bravo for you!!!!!  The truth is I didn't get through it so you are doing great!  After 12 weeks I had to go on medication during my first pregnancy.  For my second, I just stayed on a low dose of medication the entire time.  I didn't breastfeed because I was taking meds.  There are many people on the Anxiety forum that have posted about being pregnant and having tremendous anxiety.  Many of them got through it.  You are more than half way there.  Really, you may not feel strong right now but you really are a very strong woman.  

This is the thing, there is your health and then there is the health of the baby.  If either one is being severely compromised, then that is a problem.  You mentioned going to therapy and I think that will help you tremendously.  

Also, try to pick up the book The OCD Workbook:  Your Guide to Breaking Free from OCD.  It may teach you some tricks to deal with the contamination thought you have.  Also there is another book by Joseph Luciani called Self-Coaching.  This book explains how to self-motivate yourself.  Yell at yourself if you have to...get mad.  Say STOP at the top of your lungs if that makes you feel better.  

Keep us posted...

[Jayswife3]

Its really hard!  Im 23 wks!  How did u get thru it?   Im going to breastfeed but I hope I can get back on meds

[JGF25]

Hi there.  I know exactly what you are going through because I had the same problem with my first pregnancy.  How far along are you?  

[Jayswife3]

I feel exactly the same!  it is really.hard when people dont understand!  I want to get to point where I feel normal and dont have.to stress about this!  I have an appt for.therapist n I will get on meds as soon as I can but cant now!  I hope the meds continue.to help u!  Good luck!!