So scared I will slip into psychosis or become schizophrenic

[ChazzMichaelMichaels]

I have a rather unique form of OCD.  I am much more triggered by obsessions than compulsions.  You can basically describe me as a mental health hypochondriac.  For the past year I have feared that i will lose my grip on reality, start to hear voices or hallucinate that will cause me to do something terribly bad or eventually lose everything that I have in my life.  I know this is a product of my own mind, but the fear of not having control over what will happen or "what if" im not just ocd? what if i have something else? what if ive been misdiagnosed? It drives me crazy every single day and i try and reassure myself by thinking other thoughts, but those thoughts get weirder and weirder and i end up just spiraling out of control into fight or flight panic mode if that makes any sense.  
My compulsions are looking for constant, positive, and relative reassurance that I am not schizophrenic or a physchotic.  EX) Ill look at articles for an hour straight on google reassuring myself that i dont have the symptoms of a physchotic, or i will call a member of my family and just ask them, "Hey if i was crazy i wouldnt know it right?" It even drives my family crazy because i ask that same questions over and over and over.  Im just carrying out another compulsion of mine right now by asking you guys if im going bonkers but I really need it right now.  First time here by the way, looking for a good support network!

[superbuster]

Manifestations of Psychotic Episodes

A typical psychotic episode manifests itself in one or more of the three following ways:

1. Hallucinations: believing something is there that actually is not there. Hearing something strange and knowing that it is strange is not a hallucination. The hallucinator perceives the voice; their brain says, "That's Dad calling me," with no doubt at all. The non-hallucinator hears the voice and says, "Could that possibly be Dad calling me? But he moved out a year ago." If you are not sure what you heard or even if you wonder if it is a hallucination, it is not a hallucination. A hallucinator is absolutely positive (though they may have their doubts later on). So, during a psychotic episode, you usually "hear voices."

2. Delusions: believing something is true that couldn't possibly be true. I'm not talking about believing that Bill Clinton never had sex with Monica Lewinsky. I'm talking about physical impossibilities or grandiose ideas such as believing that you were born on Mars or that you are Jesus Christ come back to life.

The most common delusion is paranoia: fear that gets way out of hand. You may be constantly afraid that bad things will happen to you or that people will hurt or betray you. You may pick up your gun every time you answer the door.

3. Problems With Communication

Probably the most common thing that happens during a psychotic episode is that you have a lot of trouble talking straight. Your words and sentences get garbled -- all mixed up like a "word salad." Each individual phrase or sentence makes sense, but they are out of order and you never quite get to the point

[Mahm7]

I’m going thru sevre stress anxiety and depression it now became treatment resistant and condition worsening day by day. Level of fear increased to very high level creating high stress and anxiety. Suffered badly due side effects n both eyes catracted then Gulucoma dried eyes now with daily itching and blurrinesd . Due sevre  headatch n untreatabiluty by Psychitrist . Seen Neurologio did  Special Blood/ urine tests results car Okalso Brain MRI came ok., den nurologist

[hesson81]

fearing physchosis is probably so easy to do, because I think of OCD as a fear of uncertainty disease. A lot of the things you can fear, you are for some reason uncertain about it...

Question: do you normally have moments in the day or other days where your feeling okay or not obsessing (the answer is probably yes)..

When you do start to obsess or fear, think about what's going on. What's inducing stress on you, Foul relationship, job,...something??  Don't get rid of those problems, but identify what's causing you stress.. Focus on that. That's the problem, It's going to be so hard to kick the obsession because it's already got you into pretty bad anxiety/pannic. So what I suggesst is pin what the problem is, and ride through the anxiety, try and enjoy it (that's hard), focus on the end of it all, and remind yourself it always passes.  

And give it lots of time.

[anonymous9264]

I feel like I have the EXACT same flavor of OCD. When I first got the diagnosis, as comically ironic as this is, I obsessed and obsessed that the diagnosis was wrong and I had schizo affective disorder or epilepsy.

I also did a lot of hallucinogenic drugs my freshman year of college and was convinced that was somehow making me go insane and have hallucinations or seizures or something like that.

When I got the diagnosis I thought "but I don't have any compulsions, I don't close the door three times or anything like that." I was expecting a diagnosis of GAD or Depression. But later I realized that internet research was a compulsion and basically my worst enemy. Also smoking cigarettes has been a compulsion, although it's all mixed up with addiction.

I have a really messy apartment and I'm scatterbrained and even sort of ADD, so I really didn't think the OCD diagnosis was correct. Of course I was basing everything on stereotypes and instead of doing more research on OCD I did more research on Bipolar disorder and Addiction.

I always have that "what if" thinking though and this is really reassuring. For a while I was convinced I had a brain tumor that was causing visual disturbances, or that my drug use had caused me to have hallucinations.

[Jss1979]

I have been struggling with this form of ocd over the past 5 years or so. It is VERY reassuring to read all of your posts and know that I am not alone. I didn't even know this type of ocd existed until just this last year.   My therapist and I have concluded that I have been experiencing both Ocd and some symptoms of PTSD on and off for the last 5+ years of my life, and both conditions are attached to traumatic experiences in my childhood and early adulthood. Things are alot better for me now, but I seem to usually Carry the "what if" thinking and, at times, still doubt myself as to whether or not I am ok. Reading some of these posts is like reading a chapter out of my own life, and it is validating  to know other people experience themselves in a similar way.    

[hmf099]

i don't have any time to write right now but feel free to message me, i have been in the same place.

[raj5792002]

i also suffer from same kind of ocd...i have the same fears that you have...in fact i sometime even feel that there are some noises cuming out from me though i know that those are just creation of my mind... i also constantly fear of misdiagnosis...have u tried UVOX (luvox)? ...however i also wanted to know onething...does anybody know how effective if ECT , psychosurgery and gamma knife treatment...if someone can reposnd to that it will be helpful

[c472]

I'm so glad I'm not the only person with this, I have this exact form of OCD and this exact fear. It's mostly the "what if" all the time, and worrying about being labelled schizoid, and what if I go insane and have no control.  What if this happens, what if XXX anything, then what.  What if I get fat cause I loose my ability to control what I eat, and then look like a heffer.  What if?  I hate this.  I'm on Celexa and suffer from Aspergers and anxiety, and get moody due to lack of sleep and food.  Glad there's another person with obsessional OCD that has no compulsions, although I do suffer from vocal tics at times of high stress or intense happiness.

[rana64]

can you tell me if is really any good medicine for OCD? a medicine that really works? and if so, what kind of side effects it have? and how will interact with klonopin and prozac?....thanks

[rana64]

wow, you are really having hard time in your life, i feel like that some times, more and more the last months and like you this is driving me crazy, but I'm now reading a book call bran lock and one of the things i read a minute ago  was this...." It's NOT insanity, is brain lock ",is not that you will go crazy but your OCD is so strong that let you to think that...I hope you can find a good terapist and also a good psychiatric, try to find DBT teraphy, I had read that is the best for our problems with OCD....

[ChazzMichaelMichaels]

ive recently have been having a lot of trouble focusing and holding conversations without dosing off. I really have to give that extra effort just to get up in the morning and be even remotley productive.  The stress mentally and physically from dealing with the intense anxiety has taken its toll on me and i have slipt into a rut that im trying to work my way out of. My sleep schedule is getting a little better though, and the knowledge that this all stems from my disorder is much more comforting than not knowing why I am feeling the way that I am

[ILADVOCATE]

Schizophrenia like all other psychiatric disabilities (including ocd) is treatable so it should not be feared. I have schizoaffective disorder and have made a full recovery with an experimental antipsychotic  in Phase II FDA study (google "Dr. Javitt, glycine"). This will be documented in a psychiatric journal. But even with current medication, psychosis can be brought into relative remission. That said from what you describe I do not believe you have schizophrenia but a phobia of various illnesses in general. I know because I probably have some form of ocd as well and always had a fear of diseases and even now get a little edgy when someone coughs and worry about that new flu strain. However, one important thing I don't do is feed my fears by looking up information that will frighten me (chances are most of the people I run into who are sneezing have allergies). I'd suggest unless you have specific health concerns try to avoid reading about things that frighten you but if these obsessions to worry about diseases in general take over your life then I would speak to a psychiatrist about it and if medication isn't working cognitive behavioral therapy is helpful in addition as regards ocd.