Hey, am a 20 yo guy, and am christian... just to let you know. And yeah i occasioanlly have these thoughts as well especially to the ones i love most yet i am a really nice guy... But it's not cause you woul;d actually do them right? I was told it is from a form of OCD....and i have a mild case of OCD. So dont think you are crazy, it is just OCD. soo you probably just had coped with a mild form of OCD all this time and thats why you got those thoughts. And mine fade away after i realize i would never do that, and i am not that type of guy. so dont panic next time, just tell yourself that its normal.