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PLZ, need help, Multiple Fractures, Ankle rebuilt twice after major MVA

Hello, I am new to this...I survived a major MVA, I had multiple fractures to my upper/lower body (head trauma sternum,femur, ankle, patella, pelvis etc.) major damage was done to my ankle. I was on a Life Flight to our States nearest Trauma Center. My ankle has been built, and rebuilt twice. Because the hardware was not set right the 1st time 2-3 months later my malleolus collapsed, and the ball of my foot was split in half.

My 2nd surgery was done by a different surgeon, and I am pleased with the outcome...I was plain Blessed.Ankle's range of movement is better than expected, and I can walk with a somewhat normal gait. However, the pain in my ankle is tremendous and increases with activity. I do not know what my disability level is,dont think i want to know.
It's been 8 months since hardware was removed, and so far (I believe) good.I have a scar across my face (from the tip of my nose out) and my knees, both ankles.

I was a strong independent woman (single mom for 6 yrs) who had her own chainsaw, cut her own wood, fixed her own car, you name it...Jane of all trades... Other than the chronic pain (arthritis), the stiffness in morning, atrophy, lack of activity. My body out of whack (because of odd gait). I am a mother of 2, I lived a very active life, loved to dance, hike, ski, was training to compete in figure, and powerlifting. With the trauma my body sustained my mind and body will never be the same...or so it seems. I do believe in miracles...I am alive.

In a Nutshell, at first I wasn't going to let it beat me, I fought HARD, I worked HARD to get out of the wheelchair I came home in. I was doing GREAT. 2 years later, the pain, meds.,almost NO quality of life I had no home healthcare at all, very little support. It's all catching up on me...I feel like I'm Grieving. My self esteem...Nada, my memory...*****, can't hold a job, and I can't run with my kids, I'm at a loss. I don't know where to start. I have a rock in my stomach all of the time, depressed, I just want my life back to the best of my ability, healthy, strong all around. I am not my children's mother, I am but a shell.

My family needs me, I need to be accountable, I want to be. I just need help. I live in a rural area, it's hard to get to the PT, counseling, etc. I need Help. I need my children to have a mom that can be there for them, and be a wife...someone my husband can rely on. I want more...I just don't know where to begin...Please? HELP? Anything? I need to get better...so I can give back. I am a real, my life is real...I know other people who have been through worse, I want to be an EMT. I am would love any kind of help, advice, ridicule, but please remember I am a bit fragile right now...Thank you for listening...
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