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ptsd and pregnancy. husband and me
I think this pregnancy is making my symptoms worse. I just notice that this pregnancy is making me avoid drugs and drinking --that I've been doing since I stop taking my meds, mostly the drinking part. The meds were working but made everything dull. The drugs (weed) made relax, happy. The alcohol help me forget but caused too many blackouts that caused consequences (driving accident/wasting a whole year) and regrets (i could have been helping out my mother or something much more useful). But since mid 09, since I stopped going to therapy, stopped taking meds--I guess I thought I can run from this on my own--but instead I've picked up bad habits.
I met my husband just last year and for the first time
Since I gotten pregnant it got me thinking of changing. For her, for my baby in my tummy.
Although I also feel like everythings coming back. I feel so worried and scared. So unprepared for this. Even though my boyfriend, now my husbands doing great at supporting me with baby coming. But even our relationships taking a toll because of my past. And its the triggers. I would just cry when he's not home. Sometimes doing certain things would get to me--I can't focus on the present. I'm so irritated. I think late in the pregnancy is the reason I'm feeling so fearful now. And getting these visuals. How can I tell him? How do I apologize for today when I rejected him when all I wanted to do is love him back? How do I explain my mean reaction today?
I love that I'm sober and I don't wanna go back to that. I love that I can be lost in his arms.
But my behavior lately has been so ugly. I hate feeling like this. He doesn't deserve it.
The only time I ever talked about it to him was when I was drunk on the beach. He told me I told him some things. Things I wouldn't tell anyone. And I should be able to talk about this (at least a bit) to him but... seeing how the first time I told him I can't remember it. It makes me nervous to tell him. Its not like I have a shot or a bottle to help me. And I don't wanna rely on that anymore. I just need to talk to someone. Its so much easier writing to strangers. Or people who goes through it too. I don't know how to tell him. Although I don't know how to tell him that I'm experiencing PTSD all over again--and now. More than anything I need to talk to him. But I don't know how much I can say. I don't want him ... I don't know. I don't want this thing stopping me from loving my husband.
I met my husband just last year and for the first time
Since I gotten pregnant it got me thinking of changing. For her, for my baby in my tummy.
Although I also feel like everythings coming back. I feel so worried and scared. So unprepared for this. Even though my boyfriend, now my husbands doing great at supporting me with baby coming. But even our relationships taking a toll because of my past. And its the triggers. I would just cry when he's not home. Sometimes doing certain things would get to me--I can't focus on the present. I'm so irritated. I think late in the pregnancy is the reason I'm feeling so fearful now. And getting these visuals. How can I tell him? How do I apologize for today when I rejected him when all I wanted to do is love him back? How do I explain my mean reaction today?
I love that I'm sober and I don't wanna go back to that. I love that I can be lost in his arms.
But my behavior lately has been so ugly. I hate feeling like this. He doesn't deserve it.
The only time I ever talked about it to him was when I was drunk on the beach. He told me I told him some things. Things I wouldn't tell anyone. And I should be able to talk about this (at least a bit) to him but... seeing how the first time I told him I can't remember it. It makes me nervous to tell him. Its not like I have a shot or a bottle to help me. And I don't wanna rely on that anymore. I just need to talk to someone. Its so much easier writing to strangers. Or people who goes through it too. I don't know how to tell him. Although I don't know how to tell him that I'm experiencing PTSD all over again--and now. More than anything I need to talk to him. But I don't know how much I can say. I don't want him ... I don't know. I don't want this thing stopping me from loving my husband.
Best Answer
its hard and im sure the changing in your hormones doesnt help your cause but i would suggest going back to therapy it might help you be able to open up with your husband about your feeling..i know for me it took going to therapy before i started telling my boyfriend now fiance about what i was feeling, and im sure he understands youd be surprised what we dont tell our significant other they sometimes already know. just relax ( i know easy said then done) start back at therapy and just take it one day at a time
alcohol & drugs will worsen the symptoms of PTSD i have flashbacks when i drink too much and i always have nightmares every night i dream of combat :)
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