deputy sheriff

[Me74744]

I was assaulted by two of my fellow deputy sheriff's. This job was my life.  The only thing I ever cared about. The case was filed in Winston Salem, NC. I finally settled--for nothing. Lawyers fees--etc...I have quite the story to tell. however, I know I am slowly dying. I have tried to contact---well, my husband has tried to contact Oprah-Ellen Degeneres-Dr. Phil...he is so angry.  I don't care ABOUT THE PRESS.  i JUST WANT TO ADMIT--i HAVE PTSD. I have denied it for soooo long. I want to get better.  I refuse to go to face to face counselling. I just need to talk.

[Kavbear]

It must be horrific to have had that trust violated. I do not know about Christian counselors but I do know that therapists are not allowed to violate your trust and speak to anyone about what you tell them.  I have been in a domestic violence group with someone who gets help and sees someone under a false name because their spouse is a local doctor who is well known and seems to find ways into this persons life. The person spoke with the therapist during the first session before that person KNEW ANYTHING and came to an agreement.
The press is not going to bring you back to life and my further traumatize you so I would forget that for now until I was in a better place mentally.
Often there are free services available for abuse victims, most places in our country you can now dial 211 and get lists of places.
Take care of you.

[Me74744]

Thank you for responding.  I no longer trust anyone. I will only tell it all to someone online. The last Christian counselor I spoke w/ had to give all my secrets to the lawyers.
I want to get better.  I need to tell my story.  My husband thought the press would dive on this. I don't think that would have been best.  
I'm silly thinking I can get online counseling for free.  We lost our home and have filed bankruptcy.  I have no insurance.  You know…?  I feel that I could help others …from my experience.  But, I gotta get well first.

[ss547]

Sounds like you could use a good therapist who specializes in treating people who have experienced abuse. Have you talked it through with your husband or is that too difficult? I know you said your refuse to go to counselling but the next line you write is that you need to talk! Perhaps talking to a counselor does not seem comforting but after a few session and discussing what you have kept bottled up in a safe confidential environment can help you. The feeling of slowly dying sounds like depression kicking in and it seems to be taking away your energy and life. Talk to friends or family who you can trust and consider to be close enough to be comfortable with discussing the assault. Find activities that clear your mind even if it just for 5 minutes, eventually you will be able to keep it off your mind for longer the more you practice. Don't let this destroy your life because that's when the people who did this to you win. Keep fighting the good fight!