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My 10 year old son innapropriatley touched a 3 year old girl.
I am devistated. My 10 year old son touched his best friend's 3 year old little sister innapropriately while playing over at their house. The mom called me and brought it to my attention and told me she initially wanted to call the police, but ultimately decided not to. My son admitted to me that he did run his hand along her privates. I asked him why and he claimed that on a previous visit the child had taken off her underwear and was running around naked and he "got thoughts in his head". I do everything to protect my children from harm, I never thought one of my own could do this to another child. I've been searching the internet for help, but everywhere I turn the sights claim that these type of children have been molested themselves or that there is family violence in the home and this just isn't the case in our situation. I myself was sexually abused as a child and as a result have dedicated my life to law enforcement to help others. I'm at a loss here. I really need help.
just came across your post, noticed its been 5 yrs since, would you mind telling us what's transpired since and the outcome....how's your son doing since?
This is really weird...i didn't know they sent little boys under the age of 15 to jail for once touching a girl. Boys at that age are curious and I'm sure he didn't do it with any mal- intention, so to send him to jail even for a day is outrageous. Don't they usually send them to a juvenile home??
I'm sorry to hear that happened to you at such a young age and thank you for your prayers. My son continues to go to therapy and is doing ok despite everything. He is doing well in school but has been having problems sleeping at night. He never had problems before but now can be found lying awake past 11:00 at night! He says he has nightmares about being in jail and is scared he might have to go back. I try to reassure him, but even that is hard because I just don't know. I just let him know that we are doing everything we can for him and that we love him. We have alot of support from our friends and family as well. Our pediatrician and school principal, vice-principal, councelor, and therapist are writing letters of character for him and we are hoping that will help us when we go to court. Thanks again for your support and for sharing your story with me.
I'm a nanny of 3 boys and mother of a one and a half year old son and 9 year old daughter. I recently read a book called, "Boys Should Be Boys; how to raise healthy son" and in it there is an entire chapter dedicated to pornography. In fact, every book that I've read on raising sons specifically dedicates at least a chapter to the subject of boys and sex. The book pointed out that porn on the internet isn't anything like the Playboy porn that young boys might have been subject to a generation ago - and that it's bound to have drastic effects on a boys perception of what's acceptable and what's not outside of the internet world.
I've recently been agonizing over how soon to have the sex talk with my daughter (step-daughter whom my husband and I have full-custody of) and before I had the chance, a male friend of hers started asking her to show her privates during a playdate with a few of their friends -- which she came to me and told me about the second that it happened (luckily I was right in the next room doing laundry so it stopped there). I DO believe that it is normal behavior for a young boy - especially one who's been sitting at a computer with his buddies for however long being allowed to get all worked up beforehand - he is NOT a monster, just learning how to control his new feelings, which are hard for any boy to control.
That being said; when I was fifteen I was outright attacked by a very good friend of mine - someone I'd been friends with for years. The first time it happened, I was too stunned to have any idea how to react. He waited until we were alone and pinned me to a walll and touched me without saying anything or reacting to my hitting him repeatedly. When our friends returned, he stepped away from me like absolutely nothing in the world happened. I stayed away from him for a week until he came up to me in school and did it again -- again, walking away as soon as someone rounded the corner to see what was going on. As soon as I told my mom she fought tooth and nail to have the boy registered as a sex offender. He called my house crying, begging to just talk to me to work it out which my mom obviously never allowed to happen. And for years I struggled with guilt about letting my mom take it too far since he was only fourteen and he was sure to be scarred and humiliated even more than I was at the time; finally realizing after all of these years that something had to be done - deviant behavior taken that far would be a scary thing to have go unpunished especially as he grew older.
BUT EVEN HE WASN'T SHACKLED AND PUT IN JAIL!
My point is that I beleive your son was misdirecting his hard-to-control feelings and that while something definitely needs to be done to correct his compulsion -- that he also needs to know that he is NOT a monster. He's a good kid that simply did something unacceptable. In the real world there are consequences for doing the wrong thing - even when it wasn't necessarily completely your fault. I would honestly be concerned about filling his mind with a self-fulfilling-profecy: being told that he's a criminal and having him beleive it to the point of continuing to behave like one. He's learning the harsh realities of consequences in the real world and the monumental difference between what's portrayed as acceptable (even desirable) on the internet and what is actually acceptable in the real world. It's too tough a lesson for a ten year old, but just be with him through it. Don't condone the behavior, but let him know that you are by his side and that you will help him get through it.
My prayers will definitely be with you and your son and the little girl's family.
I've recently been agonizing over how soon to have the sex talk with my daughter (step-daughter whom my husband and I have full-custody of) and before I had the chance, a male friend of hers started asking her to show her privates during a playdate with a few of their friends -- which she came to me and told me about the second that it happened (luckily I was right in the next room doing laundry so it stopped there). I DO believe that it is normal behavior for a young boy - especially one who's been sitting at a computer with his buddies for however long being allowed to get all worked up beforehand - he is NOT a monster, just learning how to control his new feelings, which are hard for any boy to control.
That being said; when I was fifteen I was outright attacked by a very good friend of mine - someone I'd been friends with for years. The first time it happened, I was too stunned to have any idea how to react. He waited until we were alone and pinned me to a walll and touched me without saying anything or reacting to my hitting him repeatedly. When our friends returned, he stepped away from me like absolutely nothing in the world happened. I stayed away from him for a week until he came up to me in school and did it again -- again, walking away as soon as someone rounded the corner to see what was going on. As soon as I told my mom she fought tooth and nail to have the boy registered as a sex offender. He called my house crying, begging to just talk to me to work it out which my mom obviously never allowed to happen. And for years I struggled with guilt about letting my mom take it too far since he was only fourteen and he was sure to be scarred and humiliated even more than I was at the time; finally realizing after all of these years that something had to be done - deviant behavior taken that far would be a scary thing to have go unpunished especially as he grew older.
BUT EVEN HE WASN'T SHACKLED AND PUT IN JAIL!
My point is that I beleive your son was misdirecting his hard-to-control feelings and that while something definitely needs to be done to correct his compulsion -- that he also needs to know that he is NOT a monster. He's a good kid that simply did something unacceptable. In the real world there are consequences for doing the wrong thing - even when it wasn't necessarily completely your fault. I would honestly be concerned about filling his mind with a self-fulfilling-profecy: being told that he's a criminal and having him beleive it to the point of continuing to behave like one. He's learning the harsh realities of consequences in the real world and the monumental difference between what's portrayed as acceptable (even desirable) on the internet and what is actually acceptable in the real world. It's too tough a lesson for a ten year old, but just be with him through it. Don't condone the behavior, but let him know that you are by his side and that you will help him get through it.
My prayers will definitely be with you and your son and the little girl's family.
"As a parent, I can't help feeling that I failed somehow."
I see failure of society. In our times we cannot shield children completly from various sexual content without taking world out of their lives. Innapropriate touch of much younger child is no light matter (it may be repeated behaviour, also source of it is important), but making such a fuss out of it will only stigmatize both of the children - especially in this case, where it is one time accident, without sexual harassment of boy as cause. I don't agree with very strong mother's reaction (pumped by fearmongering media) - she will only disturb her daughter - but parenting is her job and responsibility - I have respect for that. I can't however accept reaction of authorities! Arrest? Night in jail? "2nd degree felony punishable 2-10 years in prison"? How and when we created this monstrous entity? Why our society treats children like that? What kind of sick which hunt is this? Truly the sleep of reason produces monsters.
I see failure of society. In our times we cannot shield children completly from various sexual content without taking world out of their lives. Innapropriate touch of much younger child is no light matter (it may be repeated behaviour, also source of it is important), but making such a fuss out of it will only stigmatize both of the children - especially in this case, where it is one time accident, without sexual harassment of boy as cause. I don't agree with very strong mother's reaction (pumped by fearmongering media) - she will only disturb her daughter - but parenting is her job and responsibility - I have respect for that. I can't however accept reaction of authorities! Arrest? Night in jail? "2nd degree felony punishable 2-10 years in prison"? How and when we created this monstrous entity? Why our society treats children like that? What kind of sick which hunt is this? Truly the sleep of reason produces monsters.
Thank you for your prayers. Since I last posted we have had to obtain an attorney. The district attorney for our county is going for Indecency with a child which is a 2nd degree felony punishable 2-10 years in prison, and my son would have to register as a sex offender. Some days I just don't want to get up in the morning, but I have to be strong for my child.
Wow, i am so so sorry with all that you are going thru. I dont even know what to say but know that I sympathize with all involved, it must be so hard. I hope your son is not traumatized but hopefully he will get help and healed from whatever damage has been done and hopefully they are getting the little girl help and she will not be affected long term by this as well. You are all in prayers (((hugs)))
I'm at a loss here. I hadn't updated because I had only gotten one response. I just figured noone could relate to what we are going through. Since I last posted the family decided to file a report with the authorities. My son has been fingerprinted, had picture taken, and put in jail. He is 10 years old. The courts could not get to him the day he was arrested so he stayed in jail and we had court the next day. He was brought in-in jail uniform and shackled at the feet. My heart sunk.
Throughout this investigation we have learned that he has been exposed to pornography at the accuser's home. His friend has a computer in his room, (also 10 years old) and I guess there are no parental controls on it. There are other boys looking at porn on the computer ranging in ages 7 through 14. I'm thinking my son is over there playing soccer and video games and he is looking at pornography. Because the child is 3 years old, they are turning a blind eye to where the source is coming from.
My son is now on house arrest...cannot go anywhere but school and church. Even the principals are in shock that they put him in jail. He will continue therapy sessions and I can only hope that this experience will not traumatize him.
Throughout this investigation we have learned that he has been exposed to pornography at the accuser's home. His friend has a computer in his room, (also 10 years old) and I guess there are no parental controls on it. There are other boys looking at porn on the computer ranging in ages 7 through 14. I'm thinking my son is over there playing soccer and video games and he is looking at pornography. Because the child is 3 years old, they are turning a blind eye to where the source is coming from.
My son is now on house arrest...cannot go anywhere but school and church. Even the principals are in shock that they put him in jail. He will continue therapy sessions and I can only hope that this experience will not traumatize him.
Thank you for your response. I think this is one of the hardest things we've ever had to go through. As a parent, I can't help feeling that I failed somehow. But I do thank you for responding in a respectful way. I've read other posts and some responses where really insenitive and you can tell some of these parents are really hurting.
I think you are doing the right thing and some therapy will be good, we know it is unacceptable behavior and has to be stopped but I also think that children and seemingly boys do have these early sexual feelingsso while , we have to protect our children, the feelings are a normal part of child sexuality. What you have to address is the fact he acted out his feelings.Think also that whilst you are observant about child molestation, it is still good to check out all avenues with relatives, Babysitters etc.
No responses but just to update, I made an appointment with my son's pediatrician so he can refer us to a therapist. I don't take this lightly at all. I feel for my child but also for the little girl and her family. I know right now they think my child is a monster and that hurts me deeply. We have been in eachothers lives for a few years now and it saddens me that my son has caused so much pain that they can never trust him again. I'm worried how things will be when he goes back to school. I just want to do whatever it takes to ensure this never happens again and I am deeply sorry.
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