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Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
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Avatar universal

Sleeping with Mommy

     My 4 year old grandson, with my daughter's approval, sleeps in her bed every night.  Daddy is there, too, with the Little Boy between them.........all night.  Is this healthy - for ANY of them??  My daughter becomes EXTREMELY defensive whenever I've mentioned it  - - twice in the past year, to be exact.  I can't think this is a good situation.  She never slept with us when she was little.
    She is a well educated Special Ed teacher, with 6 Autistic children in her classroom and is very patient and compassionate with her students, as well as VERY permissive with her own son.  No set bedtime, lots of candy and sweets and he basically is in charge of the entire househld.  He doesnt' throw fits and isn't bratty - but is becoming such a little wussie ittle Mommy's Boy that I'm becoming concerned for his "normal development."  Or am I just an "interfering Mother"??  
9 Responses
1047073 tn?1264674012
Hi there, My daughter sleeps with me on the bed as well, but we don't have a daddy sleeping with us, it is just the two of us, my situation is a bit different than your daughter's, I stay with my mom and there is only one bedroom available for the both of us cuase we are a big family living together...My sister is going to be moving out in Jan 2010, then we going to convert her room into little one's room.

As for your daughter situation, I don't think it is healthy for the little one to be sleeping with them, they do not have quality time with each other, and later on it will cause problems, and they will end up fighting...she is basically pushing her husband away to make more time for the little one, which is wrong cause a man only tollarates it for so long...!

As for the sweets before bed time..that is a big no no, He might not be gaining weight now, but wait and see in a couple of months time how big he will get, the chances of him sukkeling with his weight as an addult is very likely...I believe a child should have a healthy diet and a balanced diet, My little one is sukkeling with her food at the moment, but she gets a sweet once a week, not every day...His teeth will rott from the inside out...It is not healthy for the little one

I know it is difficult for you as a grand mother to watch this happen and I know that you do not want to interfeer...but you are only concerned for the little ones well being...Try approching your daughter in a more suttle way, maybe take her out for some coffee and sit down and tell her that you don't want to fight with her but you would like to talk to her in a nice way, and ask her to please here you out...!

I hope it helps a little..
Good luck and God speed..!
1039620 tn?1272597604
While my son has never slept with me, unless he was sick, I can see your point. The parents and the child both need their own space. I don't think there is a lot you can do except to keep trying to talk to her in a non-accusatory way.

It almost seems like she is 'using' herself up with her students at school and doesn't have the time or the patience for her own son. This is a tough situation for a grandmother to be in, you don't want to make her angry, but your points are quite valid. I wish you the best of luck for all who is concerned.
1072551 tn?1258206866
I think a lot of it is just opinion, as far as the sleeping situation goes. I don't really think the Mommys Boy thing has much to do with sleeping in her bed.
1006035 tn?1485579497
I don't see the big deal. He is still very young. Co-sleeping is a pretty heated topic and I think it's really up to the family to decide what they want to do. In some countries it is very common for children to sleep with their parents. Having lots of attention from parents like that does help children grow up to be more confident because they aren't afraid of mom and dad leaving. My daughter starts out in her bed each night but ends up in ours and we don't mind. I slept with my parents a lot growing up and then spent almost every night sleeping with one of my sisters. People make a bigger deal out of it than they should.

Yeah they shouldn't be giving him very much candy, but it is up to them. It may only seem like they are giving him lots of candy to you, but maybe they don't do it so much when you aren't around. You have to be so careful when it comes to judging the dynamics of another family, even if the people involved are related to you; they are still going to do things differently, and perhaps in ways that you won't like.
Avatar universal
My son just turned 4 today and he sleeps with me and my husband. He is in no way a mommy's boy. He knows who is boss in the house and is a very intelligent and smart little boy. I really don't think that letting your child sleep with you will make them grow up any different than a parent that does not allow their child to sleep with them. I slept with/or in the same room with my parents a lot when I was growing up and I think I turned out ok. I agree whole heartedly with diva2317 people do tend to make a bigger deal of it than they should.
933846 tn?1353456048
Well I'm really gulity of this. My daughter slept with us until she was 18 months and all of us couldnt fit in our Queen sized bed anymore. :D Plus I breastfed and it was easier for me. For the past month my daughter has been sleeping in the bed with me because my husband has been working overnights. I tried to get her back in her bed again last night but I see its going to be a fight. My husband overnight ends this Friday so I need to hurry up because even with a King sized bed now its still not enough room for our 4 yr old and us.

I really love when she sleeps with me but I'm starting to get less and less sleep plus we have another baby on the way. I think its really better for the kid to sleep in their own bed and have fun in their room. So I think its ok sometimes but when it comes down to it the kid needs to be in their own room.
Avatar universal
No need for fussing over this co-sleeping situation- your daughter is doing a great job and you should be proud that you raised her well enough to know that she is doing an out standing job with your grandchild. There could be many reasons why she chose co-sleeping with her baby as a bonding situation for them. It could be that she feels that she doesn't spend enough time with him during the day. It could be that she wanted more time as a child growing up with you and remembers the fear of sleeping alone in her own room and doesn't want that for him. It could be that she spends time with the autistic children all day long and thanks God everynight for her baby that he is healthy and happy and well adjusted. It could be that she just loves him and misses him. if this is her first baby she probably doesn't get enough of him. Give it time granny he will be so big that he will eventually get out of her bed or she will start weening him out of her bed. in the meanwhile they are only little once for such a short time. I personally co-sleep with my son every night he will be four in 2 weeks. and he absolutely loves sleeping with me and I love sleeping with him. I know that this time is limited but i am soaking each night up with him to the fullest soon he will be in 1st grade than jr high then hs and before i know it sending me emails from college sleeping next to his girlfriend. So I see why she is enjoying these precious moments with him. You never get this time back ever- they are only little once so enjoy every smile every good night and every single bedtime story because it really goes too quickly- I hope this helps-
384896 tn?1335297931
They're gunna have to do something about it.
I hate to say it but you're not gunna be able to do anything about it. They're gunna have to handle the situation themselves.
They'll get tired of him being there, interferring with their intimate life n what not and wish they'd never let it go on for as long as they did and will have to deal with the consiquences.

I understand if you're a single parent, or if it's a baby, but 4 years old is TOO old.

My daughter slept inbetween my husband and I till she was 4 months old and I did regret letting that happen because it was hard to get her to sleep in her crib all night long at first even though she's a year old now and still sleeps in our room.
But even still now and then I'll let her take a nap in the bed with me while my husband is working but NEVER at night time. And she doesn't give me lip if I don't want her to nap with me in my bed.

I think there should be a certain cut off point for EVERYTHING, and they should have cut that boy off from sleeping with them a LONG time ago.

Oh well. There's nothing we can do about it- they'll suffer the consiquences soon enough. Let that be their lesson learned.
Just wait till that 4 year old toddler turns into a 13 year old teenager and still refuses to sleep in his own bed.
1006035 tn?1485579497
see, I don't think children NEED a cut off point. I think it's cruel to take away things that comfort a child. The world is a hard enough place to live in without these small things. And that's exactly what they are, small things. There's no need to make mountains out of molehills. Especially when it comes to someone else's parenting. If my daughter still wants to sleep with us when she's 13, I don't give a flying cr*p. My mom always said if we wanted to take our pacifier to college she didn't care and I agree with her. I'd never take away a loved blankie or stuffed animal. I was even taught in my college psychology courses that regression is a healthy way of dealing with the world. So, please don't judge.
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