Parenting Toddlers (1-5) Community
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Avatar universal

mean mommy

i have been haveing major trouble controling my temper with my little boy I had so much patients before pregnancy but now it's very low I yell when he doesn't listen which I hate I feel so bad but i can't control it I've gotten so b#%*&< and it seems like he has gotten so willful if I tell him not to touch something he looks me dead in the face and slowly touch it and he knows what he doing he's only 1 for god sakes idk what to do and the sickness definitely doesn't help any advice
9 Responses
Avatar universal
I feel you, I've shouted at my boy so many times :(  mines 3.5 so I've tried to explain that growing the baby makes me tired and grumpy.  I really really try to give him tonnes of praise everytime he does something good.  But I think the pregnancy definitely stresses them out more than we, or they, realise.
Avatar universal
I've been the sameway with my daughter shes 4, it's good that you realize what's going on because at first I didn't till she said mommy you always being mean now... Now I try to give her lots of attention & let her know I love her its just that the baby makes me very tired. Just give him as much attention as possible.
Avatar universal
I have a 16 month old and oh my gosh!! Boys I swear!! He gets a spanking when he uses up his 3 warnings. He knows he is doing wrong. But yes I have a low temper too. That's why we use 3 warnings.
Spanking at 16months how do u feel about that? I feel my daughter doesn't understand why she's almost 16 months.so I don't really spank I feel bad like she's too young
Avatar universal
No he is not. He knows what he is doing. My son is very smart. He does stuff when you tell him 'no'. Yes, he knows what no means because he tells it to us when he doesn't want something or to do something. Also he can tell you all done after eating, more, and please (his signs). He also says lots of words and knows who is who. Even with his cousins.
Avatar universal
Yes he knows what he is doing and that he isn't supposed to. Normally he stops after 2 or 3.
Avatar universal
Personally I don't spank. Never have, never would.  We use time outs/the naughty corner and that works well.  Yeah  he still acts up sometimes especially when he's tired but he's so it's par for the course.
Avatar universal
I spank because he knows better if I repeatedly tell him to put something down and have to get up as soon as I stand he throws what he's not suppose to be playing with and any time I tell him leave it alone or put it down he either put it down or brings it to me so he understands but I don't ever go crazy with it just one pop but since pregnancy I yell and I don't like when he covers his ears I try not to but it just happens the other night he woke up at 3 am crying I gave him food diaper change and normally that works but it didn't he wanted to play so I cried too because i take my prenatal right before bed because they make me feel like crap so he woke me up and my head was spinning I had a terrible thought and I had to cry to god in my head because lord it scared me my bf saved us lol he played with him a bit
18524847 tn?1465595901
Hi,  ugh, self control is a hard thing for tired moms!  I know--  I am one.  :>)  But remember, we are our children's first teacher in terms of how they control their own reactions and emotions.  I remind myself of this often.  I had a therapist told me that a good strategy is to push your tongue to the roof of your mouth when you are feeling like you may lose your cool and yell.  Taking some deep breaths.  Slowing down the situation and be mindful rather than impulsive in the heat of the moment is always key.  This means understanding when you are amping up in anger/frustration.  When you sense your getting heated, that's when you start using your strategies to stay cool.  Deep breathing, making fists --  opening and closing them which slows the heart, going to a corner for a second to regroup, etc.  Yelling often just makes situations worse as does spanking in my opinion.

I'm not perfect but I try these things to stay calm under pressure and hopefully my kids will use these same strategies themselves.  Because when we lose it . . .  they start losing it and mimic us (talk about embarrassing!  My little parrot one time whipped off to her friend something I say when upset and I about died. It's true, they copy us!)  

Most child behavioralist recommend against spanking because it gives a confusing message.  You can't hit but I can.  :>)  So working on behavior strategies in different ways often leads to better results.

I do a lot of rewarding.  Catching them doing good things and heap on the praise. Kids do love this.  And for rules and that end of things, I know what my kids like best.  I have no problem removing a love object for a short time which is the ultimate pain for my child.  Take away the prized stuffed animal they carry around?  Or whatever it is that your child values.  Doing that as a consequence really is impactful.    

It's rough work to be a mama.  But so worth it in the end.  luck to you all (and me too!!)
18524847 tn?1465595901
And just also wanted to add to not beat up on yourself for being human and making some mistakes along the way in parenting.  We all do!!  AND, make sure you make a little time for you here and there to recharge your batteries.  get a sitter or mom helper once a week or ask a family member/friend just to have an hour or two or three to be YOU minus being mommy so when you ARE mommy, you aren't as tired and stressed.  This helps me.  good luck
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