How should I tell my 9 year old?

[jennycaje]

When my daughter was born her biological father was a meth addict and I wouldn't let him see my daughter. When my daughter was one I met who is now her step dad and she thinks that he is her real dad. My daughter has met her real dad a few times when she was younger and since last year he has seen her more and he has been sober for three years and now wants my daughter to know who he is. How should I tell my 9 year old that her step dad is not her biological dad but this other guy, who she thinks is a family friend is her real dad?

[Kay0201]

I agree with the previous post. You need to be honest with her she is old  enough to know who her birth father is. Just tell her that he had made some bad choices in life and is trying to do the right thing now and wants to be in her life. And maybe when she gets older (if you don't tell her now) the reason that he was not in her life before because of drugs, but she may understand that now, you will have to decide that one for your self if you think your daughter should know that part of his life. It is better to hear this from you than from someone else. Good luck!!! I hope I could be of some help.

[5kidsmom]

Hi--I have three birth children and two adopted children.  Both the adopted children were foster children we had and we have had many many others in our home.  I also work with foster and adopted children.  Both have always known they were adopted.  One of them is very interested in every detail (Birth mom was a meth addict, no birth father on the certificate, etc) and I am very honest with her, the other is not.  First do NOT use the word "REAL"  that means the other one is "Imaginary".  Use "Birth" and "Adopted"--be honest, tell her your job is to keep her safe and that her birthdad was making bad choices at the time and her adopted dad loved her so much and wanted to keep her safe that he adopted her.  Just be open, and straight forward and don't put it off any longer--tell her you probably should have told her earlier, but you did not and now you are.  Good Luck---Kids are smart and love your honesty!  Take care.