Taking to herself and nervous behavior

[mountbike2]

Hi,

I wrote about this earlier this year but I still have concerns. My 7 yr old daughter continues to talk to herself. She is very bright and likes to tell herself stories. She has a sibling and plenty of socialization thru church, soccer, Girl Scouts, family events, etc. She has been writing stories in her iPad and journal lately. But, my concern is that she'll do this not just in the bathroom, but in public (ie soccer field, church, etc)

Furthermore, she has a "stimming" behavior where she stretches her arms when nervous or anxious (which is a lot). She will do this and talk to herself at the same time. She is a very intense child. She cries over things that other kids wouldn't even think twice about (ie she couldn't have pancakes at school because she already had a packed lunch, her iPad was left at home, etc) Her teacher also said that she plays with her earrings during class.

She does not have autism or asbergers. I guess I am looking for strategies to deal with the anxiousness, the talking, the crying, etc.

A home, we reward positive behavior with stickers. If there is bad behavior, we give a warning, then time out, then early to bed. Please advise and only sincere comments please.

Thanks

[mountbike2]

Can you give me some tips on helping with the perfectionism? I believe this is a big source of the anxiety. Thanks

[specialmom]

Hi there.  Well, I also have an out of the box child.  My son has sensory integration disorder.  We've worked on it for a long time so to most, his issues aren't even noticeable.  (yeah).  He can have some quirky things that he does too.  He and I talk about things rather openly.  We work on what is not great in terms of friends.  The good news is that so far, no kids seem to be noticing or making fun of her for this or excluding her.  Sadly, that stuff does happen.  My son has been bullied in the past (he's 9 now) so we talk about 'blending in' and not being a target.  We are open about this.

something like that---  if I was concerned it would impact him socially or make him a target for someone teasing---  I'd point it out to him.  "hey, you are talking a lot to yourself in public.  It's okay to do and in fact, most people talk to themselves a little bit---  but you don't want to do that when around other people.  At church, school, etc. to limit that.  It could be what she does for comfort to herself and you can help her find other ways to self soothe.  

The stimming is best to make no mention of.  My son used to spin.  he then did a finger rolling movement.  That was his nervous systems way of trying to regulate.  I let it be and tried to say nothing about it.  In truth, he doesn't do any of these actions currently.  

Is your daughter a perfectionist?  That is often an outpouring of anxiety and something my own son deals with.  We work on this and I have tips for you if you also battle that.

We know a boy that had stims, ocd like things, lots of anxiety, very sensitive, emotional etc. and they could never figure out why.  he definitely was different though without any type of diagnosis.  No big deal until it starts to set you apart in a negative way from your peers.  At that point, you work on the behaviors.

If she cries easily---  help her with other ways of self expression.  Using words, having go to things when she is upset like taking some deep breaths, opening and closing her fists tightly, counting, etc. are helpful.  Give her alternatives to the behaviors that hinder her.  

good luck