where is this coming from?

[lashty]

Just recently the father of my 6 year old son brought my son home to me very distraught.  After talking with him he said that his girlfriend walked in on our son (rob) and her 3 year old daughter (mel).  The girlfriend said she saw robs pants down and what looked like mel giving him oral sex. This is only the 2nd time he has been over to his father and girlfriends house, and has only been seeing his father for about 2 months once a week.  Not only in defense of my son he is very immature for his age and is more a follower not a leader. I just cannot see him initiating this sitiation.
When talking to my son he says it wasn't his fault and mel asked him to do it.  it was an acccident he says.  I'm torn as to wether or no to believe him.  I honestly do not think it was him, but his father and girlfriend do.  I know his girlfriend and her daughter... they used to be very good friends of mine.  Her daughter is very smart for her age and acts out a lot.
I am trying to set up a counseling appt for him as soon as possible but in the mean time I don't know how to deal with his father and her girlfriend and the accusations that it is robs fault.  
This breaks my heart, I am a survivor of child molestation, more than once.  and it still haunts me to this day.  I am currently and have been seeking counseling.  I just don't know how to handle this particular situation?

[lashty]

Thank you! I have done my best being a single mom, working third shift, and raising two small children.  I have done the best I can in hopes that my children will grown to be two strong, independent, caring people.  I have an appt set with a therapist and I agree thats it's best to not allow his father into his life until I check with him.  on the legal side.  I am  very hesitant of filing for custody, I am afraid he will fight for half and I would not be able to deal with that.  as of now I technically am but legally there is nothing set.  Thanks again for your advice.  It helps, really it does!

[specialmom]

I am sure you are very emotional about this, I would be too.  You sound like you've tried to provide a stable and safe home for your boy and I would be livid if that is ruined by others.  I think the girlfriend sounds toxic to be honest.  Are there any court advocates in your custody or lawyers involved?  I would honestly think about talking to one at this point.  You are this child's advocate and protector.  Some expert advice would be so helpful.  At the very least, talk to the therapist about that side of things and get advice from them.  I'd be hesitent for any visits until therapy has begun . . . don't know if that is possible . . . but that would be my inclination.  Good luck

[lashty]

Thank you for your thoughts...it was expressed how much i didn't want him to be at his girlfriends bc I know what type of a person and parent she is... she watched both of my children for about 6 months until I realized the type of person and people she had in and out of her house.  I've always been a very protective mother, and people say that to me all the time, that I need to loosen up... he's getting older.  This is exactly the reason why i'm so protective? his father has been in and out.  i asked him that when he has our son, he is always with him, doesn't leave.  that is his time to spend with him.  and if he does need to do something, we live very close our son can come home.  Of course all this happens when his father runs an errand for fifteen minutes! I'm heartbroken, I honestly do not think it was my sons doing, I really don't.  But I'm also not being nieve, I'm Making an appt with a therapist and taking percautions that he is not by himself with other children, until I know this will not happen again.
In expressing this to his father he seems to think that it's our son and he has seen or been around it. That it is his doing.  Our son is actually pretty immature for his age, probably due to the fact that I have monitored the things he watchs the places he goes and I am constantly watching him when there are play dates and such.  For his own protection.  at this point I am just very confused on how to deal with this, with his father, his girlfriend calling me with her "concerns", i'm an emotional wreck!

[specialmom]

It is so hard to tell when you have little kids involved.  the little girl is only 3.  I would be so devestated if I were you.  You must be heartbroken.

I'd first get to the bottom of whether or not anything has happened to my child.  I'd take him to a therapist (being careful no seeds are planted in his head that aren't true) and I would question him yourself.   Don't act mad.  Tell him how much you love him and you just want to understand.

One of those two children has either been molested or seen this type of thing from their parent or on inappropriate television.  If this dad has only been in his life for 2 months-----  is this the right thing for him.  I always think it is best if a child has their father in their life---- but not a come and go dad that thinks he has to shlep his poor kid to his new girlfriends and things like this are happening.  

Can you talk to his dad?  Can you express that you don't want him at the girlfriends?  Can you express that you know your kids and you are suspicious that the little girl was acting this out on him?  Can you request that these two children should be supervised (by the way ----  6 year old boys don't usually have ANY fun playing with 3 year old little girls.  Unless it is a wild game of chase . . . they are not into the same things.)  I'd talk to my lawyer as well.  good luck