Am I babying my 10 year old at bedtime?

[Tippytoad]

I have bn a single parent for the majority of my sons life. For ease reasons when he was a baby i had him sleep in my bed as it was the only way he would sleep through the night and since i was working full time and on my own, a good night sleep was imperative.  However, he is now 10 yrs old and although he goes to sleep in his own bed, after i have read him a bedtime story & given him a few minutes of snuggling, he will come into my room in the night for the slightest thing, he has pins & needles which he needs me to rub out, he's had a bad dream, there's a shadow in his room. When i was on my own it never bothered me as he would climb into my bed and i would be none the wiser as i am a good sleeper, but i am now living with someone and he works shifts so his sleep patterns are messed up anyway, but everytime my son comes into the room he wakes my partner up and he can't go back to sleep. I have talked to my son about reasons for coming in and have said that nightmares and feeling poorly are completely fine but that he needs to start to figure out settling himself down if he wakes up. Now he seems to say each time he comes in that he has had a nightmare.  How do i discourage the need to 'need' me to sort things out and encourage him to settle himself without him feeling like i am pushing him away? I am being told  he needs to toughen up and i am babying him but i feel like a **** mum when i turn him away in the night :-( Any useful advise would be appreciated.

[Tippytoad]

Thank you for the words of support. I will get going with it :-)

[margypops]

It is hard isnt it but you do have to be tough, forget the babying phrase you are a caring Mom, so when he comes in you send him back to his room, be consistant no mixed messages by letting him in sometimes, it will only take a few nights and its done. You could still have a cuddle with him and a story before he goes to sleep in his own room, tell him thats what is going to happen and stick to it. Good Luck