PPD or stresses of new parenthood?

[lin_z_ttc1]

I'm almost 8wks PP from my first, a beautiful litte girl named Marley. She was more than planned, DH and I TTC for 3 1/2 years, and did 6mo of fertility treatments to finally get pregnant with her. I want to start out by saying I LOVE HER VERY MUCH, and I WOULD NEVER HURT HER. With that said....

We've battled colic over the past month or so. We changed her formula, and got her some dr. browns bottles, which seemed to help, along with some tummy soother medicine. Some days are near perfect, others she cries inconsolably for hours on end. I get so frustrated I give her to DH and walk away. She never "works up to" a cry, she goes from fine, to the most shrill, ear ringing scream you will ever hear in 2 seconds flat. I never scream or yell directly at her, because I know its not her fault, but I have lost my temper and elevated my voice and said things like "what can I do?!?!" "HUSH!" etc.

I feel so guilty, because I'm afraid she picks up on the resentment and frustration I have at times. At night is when I'm so low on patience DH becomes the primary caregiver. I feel like she likes him more, that she will begin to start wanting him for everything, because mommy didn't comfort her, or tend to her needs as much as him. She already smiles at him way more than me. I feel bad for not being as patient and helping DH with the night feedings and changings. I feel like he thinks I'm a horrible mother (although he's never said it) because at times I can't even hold her, I'm on such an edge.

We both work so I feel bad that he's losing more sleep than me, however, I will make the bottle for him, and sometimes sit up and talk to him while he tends to her. I feel bad for not feeling bad about leaving her during the day while I work. I haven't had much, if any seperation anxiety. I can't really tell if we've "bonded" yet, but I do love her. I can sit and hold her for hours while she sleeps or when she just looks around contently. I just sometimes feel like such a failure because I'm not as nurturing, or compassionate, or patient as I thought I should be as a mom.

I prayed to God for months and months to give me a child, but now I question if I was ready or good enough to have one?

Sorry its soo long, I would just like to know if this is normal or not...

[seattlemom2plus]

Some women are actually getting their placentas dried and capsulated after birth to help with PPD and even their own menopause.  Unfortunately most hospitals in the U.S. consider your placenta bio-hazard waste and will not give it to you after birth.  One woman in Las Vegas fought for this though and the courts agreed to have the placenta released.  Sorry for the off-topic but it just made me think of this situation---

Yes we do have a transition to make after birth, not only are we adjusting to a new schedule and motherhood, but also have to contend with our hormones just going back to normal.

Definitely keep us updated on how everything is going and misslollipop was right thank goodness you recognized that something was not quite feeling right to you.

[misslollipop]

Glad you went and saw your doctor, no one tells you how hard a newborn is to care for and as ,much as we all love our children at least you saw the signs of something not being right and acted on it. good luck and hopefully everything is now falling into place

[seattlemom2plus]

Hang in there, I am curious did they test your hormone levels recently.  My girlfriend had PPD and one of the ways they were able to check her was through checking her hormone levels to see if she was imbalanced after the baby was born.

[lin_z_ttc1]

Sad to say it got much worse, and eventually I went to my dr. who prescribed paxil. I didn't like the sexual side effects, so now I'm on wellbutrin, which I think is helping some but its too soon to tell for sure. I'm just ready to be ME again lol Thanks for all the responses!

[seattlemom2plus]

Some moms can take about 3 months to feel adjusted to being a new mom with their hormones.  Keep in mind too you have a lot going on right now that you are juggling that is new for you.  You are working, and not getting a normal sleep pattern, which can make your emotions go crazy.  Best advice would be to just be patient with yourself. Thanks for keeping us posted.

[lin_z_ttc1]

Thanks for all of your input ladies I really appreciate it. Marley has been doing much better lately, sleeping around 6hrs a night for the past week, which has helped out A LOT! I got kind of worried because I had to go to a town 3hrs away to get a bridesmaid dress Sat., and the entire week leading up to it, I felt no separation anxiety, no sadness or apprehension about leaving her all day with DH. My coworkers told me I needed to call my dr. because they said I SHOULD be freaking out about leaving her all day, but I didn't. Well Sat. gets here, and I'm ok, feeling some guilt because I wasn't a wreak. But I really did miss her! I called DH like 5 times just checking on her, he told me that she heard me on speaker phone, and her eyes got really big and she started looking around the room for me which melted me :0). All day yesterday (Sunday) I held her, and talked to her, so I guess I did have some anxiety about leaving her.

I'm not sure if I have PPD or not. Right now I feel fine, so I'm going to hold off on making an appt with my midwife, and looking into medication. I think for ME, its just been a whirlwind of emotions trying to establish a new life as a MOM :0)

[lil_lady25]

This is totally normal! You are in a new situation (something that you have never experienced) and you have a lot on your plate. Not only are you a mother to a colicy baby but your also working and being a loving wife. I totally feel for you. I also have not had anxiety about being away from my twins since I went back to work full time. I'm not sure if it's because the girls are ALOT of work, or because daddy watches them during the day and they dont go to daycare too often. It does get better, and my ped said that colic goes away in the third month. Your almost there! :)

[Kathy421]

Thank you for posting - you bring up some very good issues.  This is my first child (2 months old) so I may not have a lot of advise or experience, but can share what I am going through.  I too had been ttc for years and went through 3 rounds of IVF.

I am learning that being a new parent is very difficult.

First of all we have to deal with all our hormones - which has made me very emotional (I would cry at everything in the first two weeks, but has definitely gotten better).  Next we are sleep deprived (my guy wakes up every 2-3 hours).  Then we deal with the stressors of being a "good parent" - are we being a good parent?  are we holding the child enough?  too much?  should we swaddle?  not swaddle?  are we breastfeeding?  what formula are we using?  are we "bonding" like we should be?  the list goes on and on.  Then we deal with "cranky" or "fussy" babies.  I did some reading about colic - it usually occurs at 2 weeks, peaks by 6 weeks, and disappears by 3-4 months.  I'm hoping my guy

You are not alone in your feelings - I'm glad you are writing about it so we can all share our experiences.  I have learned to just take it one day at a time.  I'm glad your husband is helping out as well.  Just think about all those single moms out there who have to deal with all of this on their own.  My husband is going on a business trip for 10 days, so it'll just be me and the little one.

I think the first things we should do is eat right, exercise, take care of ourselves, do something special for ourselves. I also have gotten into the habit of "wearing my child."  I bought a special sling - I wear him for at least 2 hours per day.  I will usually go for a walk while wearing him - gives me exercise and helps us bond better.  I will also wear him while I do house work, ie:  vacuuming - he seems to really like it.  He will cry when I am not walking or moving though.  I have also bought the video and book "The happiest baby" by Karp - and have learned about why babies have colic, as well as some techniques for calming the baby.  

Please keep us posted on how you are doing and any techniques you have that make it easier.

[lorane1046]

Hello. I did suffer from PPD and used the med wellbutrin which made a world of difference! I also read the book This isn't what I expected  and it REALLY helped me through some very tough times:)   Also the book Down came the Rain helped by Brooke Shields (who went through many IVFs) really helped me understand that what I was feeling was felt by other moms who loved their babies too:)  Talk to someone it helps too!!

[lin_z_ttc1]

Thanks you I really appreciate your insight and your support! I feel some better, Marley has slept 6 hours a night for the past 3 nights, and I can honestly tell you that rest has made a world of difference. She's not nearly as fussy, I feel I can cope a little better when she gets upset. I still feel kind of jealous, I guess you could call it that, at the fact that she is so mesmorized by DH. I mean I do think its cute, she's such a daddy's girl, but the fact that she always follows him with her eyes when he's walking around, and stares so intently at him constantly, when I can't hold her focus for more than 10 seconds at a time, is kind of painful. In my mind, the reason she clings so much to him now, is because I haven't been as emotionally, or physically available when she gets upset.

I keep telling myself that it takes a LOT of work to be a parent, and this too shall pass. I've got back into going to the gym after work, and that too helps alot. I get to burn some stress and focus on me for an hour before I pick her up. DH continues to be supportive, and more than helpful, and while I don't think I'm suffering from PPD (or maybe I just don't want to admit it yet) I am keeping a close eye on it. If it doesn't continue to improve or gets worse I will be making a call to my doctor very soon.

Again, thank you soo much for your kind words of wisedom, I really needed to hear it! :0)

[VaniDavila]

I think it's just the stress of working and being a new parent. I was in the same situation with my first daughter. She would cry for a long time at night and I was the one having to deal with her. My husband would try to help, but he seemed helpless. I also have fertility problems so I had to be on meds for both my daughters. Now that I have my second daughter I have noticed that I have more patience with her than with my first. I am not working right now so maybe that's the reason why I have more patience. I'm sure that with time, you will change the way you feel. As she grows she will be comforted easier.