ttc with pcos

[minamilana]

Hello everyone! Hope for your help. I’m stuck, have no idea what to do. I’m 33, married, no kids. I was diagnosed with PCOS 5 years ago. Of course it was shocking ‘news’. We were ttc for a long time. We’ve been dreaming about having children for 8 years already. But my doctor told me about medical treatment, that medicines will help and I have all chances to get pregnant. We put all our hope in this treatment. I spent years in clinics, buying pills and other stuff. We spent so much nerves and money on this. Unfortunately no result. Only now I understand that everything is not that easy as I thought. I really believed that I will be that lucky one, who will get pregnant thanks to treatment. I can’t understand, why me? What have I done to deserve this. I’ve read so many stories about successful treatment. I’m happy for those women, but it makes me so sad nothing helped me… There are so many reports in the news about women, who throw their new born babies out. I personally know a couple of women, who made an abortion and not once. I’m not judging in any way! Different situation can happen in life. I’m just asking why God gives them unwonted children? And here I am, who wants to have kids more than anybody else, but I can’t. I don’t mean to be rude. I just have all this feelings and thoughts inside… They don’t let me live happily. I can’t accept childless life. What should I do? What options do I have?

[minamilana]

Hello everyone who is reading my thread! I decided to update it with some news. As you guys know I went to hang out with my friends recently. And my friend announced her pregnancy. So she called me and we had a really weird talk. She told me that she noticed that I was upset by her news. I tried to explain that I was happy for her but I was just sad because of our long ttc. And here the weird part started. She was interrupting me all the time, telling some nonsense. Then she told me “this's not my fault you will never be able to have children". And I was just like "what are you talking about?!" She hung up on me and left me in shock condition. Honestly I had no desire to call back and argue with her, trying to defend myself. Yes we've been trying to conceive for 8 years and nothing worked for us. But that doesn't mean that we will never be able to become parents! She already made a decision for herself as she said I will be childless forever. I really didn't expect to hear such words from her. I don't know if I should continue to be friends with such a person. Instead of support I received a knife in my heart. How could she be so mean? She knows about my fertility struggle. I guess she knows that those words are painful for me. And she throws them to me so easily. Words can really ruin everything. Though I was really pissed and then I was really sad... But I don't let this situation influence my intentions.

I've already mentioned that I'm thinking about using donor eggs. I made some research. I think this option is perfect for our situation. My next step will be consulting with my doctor. If he approves I will start a thorough search. It would be really nice if someone shares the experience using donor eggs!

[minamilana]

Hello everyone who is still reading my thread! How have you been? A couple of weeks ago I decided to search the internet. I was hoping to find some information or stories of other women who have same situations as I do. I thought maybe I could find some ways out from my infertility struggle. I found some information about donor eggs. I was thinking maybe this option will suit our situation. But my research stuck even not started. The reason of this is actually I am back to my depression after breaking out of it for a couple of days. The thing is I went to hang out with two of my friends. We didn't see each other for quite long time. And they invited me for a dinner. Usually I refuse to go but this time I was feeling a little better so I decided to go. We had a little chat. We were laughing and remembering great moments we spent together. And then one of my friends said she has some news to announce. And guess what? She's pregnant with her third baby. I was shocked and I could barely hold my tears back. I feel myself such a bad person. Instead of being happy for her I felt sorry for myself. I know this is wrong and of course I made everything to seem like I was so happy to hear those news. But I actually wasn't. And it's not because of her or her news or her third baby but because of me. I know that they didn't even plan to have a child. They didn't even plan to have the previous two. For them it's just easy and they can have a child whenever they want (or don't want). And then she was like "At first we didn't know if we want to leave this baby or not but then we decided we will keep this child". Well I didn't know what to say. I was just sitting there, trying to smile and not to cry. And then when I came home I let my feelings out. Later that evening I went on my Facebook page. I was hoping to talk with one of my internet friends who also struggle with infertility. And guess what? I was scrolling the news and I found out that one of my ex-friends will have her second baby with a man who made her to do a couple of abortions in the past. I'm not judging. I just don't understand what have I done to deserve infertility?

[minamilana]

I feel so alone now. We've tried literally everything. Nothing worked and it makes me crazy. I'm trying so hard... Everyone around is getting pregnant. Everyone around gave birth, rise children, post their photos in social medias. Everyone around live and enjoy their lives. And I'm just existing and waiting for happy life to come. The most depressing is when people ask if we have kids. When they hear "no" why they just can't change subject? Why they continue to ask questions which cuts like a knife? I hope this suffering will end eventually. I try to stay positive. I try not to give up. But I'm so exhausted...