Advice and encouragement

[AdamThomasAnastasia]

I am new here and wanted to share my story and ask some advice.  I am 47, for the last 15 years I have been looking after my father who suffered several strokes.  He died this past May.  I had a long time to deal with his passing and I am coping well with what happened.  I wanted to get married and have children like most women, but with things being what they were, I just never had a chance.  Now, I am free to start a new life, I can do whatever I want and go wherever I want, but all I can think of is how I missed out on being a mum.  I want to have a child very badly.  Perhaps because of the way things were, I never really let myself think about it because felt I would just fall apart if I started to think about children.  I know I will be an exceptional mother, I am highly intelligent, caring, have my own home and a loving extended family, okay, sperm is missing but I'll find some kind soul who will want to help me.  I want to really try to have a baby.

Anyway, that's the background, here is my physical obstacles.  I am some 40 kilos overweight, but it will be gone in four months, see the gym trainer tomorrow.  I have high blood pressure and slightly enlarged heart (normal range), but I've been told that both are because of the pressure I have put on my body from my weight and the one time I lost 15 kilos, the hbp dropped, I almost came of meds.  I am on hbp meds but I know that in four months with the weight gone, so will the meds be gone.  I also went on antidepressants after dad died because I became anxious and depressed.  I was quite lost for three months, after 15 years of dad being my life, I didn't know what to do or how to feel, it freaked me out, but I am fine now, so I think that I will be off those in the next three months.  I'm also seeing a great naturopath-doctor, my energy levels are up, I'm feeling strong and happy.

So, someone tell me, am I nuts to want to have a baby at 47?  I could be taking it easy, travel, go to classes, but I don't know those seem empty compared to being a mum.  I helped raise my sister's two children, I know what's involved and how hard it is, but I really think I am up to it and even if I wasn't 100% up for it, I don't think I am up for never being a mum and living a lonely life...lol, the local old crazy cat woman.

In August, I'm going to travel overseas, where I will go for IVF, and as far as anyone need know when I get back, I got strong genes and had a wild time...oops!  I can feel it in my bones, I am doing the right thing, but God, I'd love to hear someone say it, its a life changing experience, scared to death.

[Ashelen]

Ouch. OK guess I'm not welcome here either...wow. And I do research, actually, so I think that just like her saying people over 40 shouldn't have kids, saying that people UNDER 40 don't research or parent well is quite cruel. I only stop by this forum occasionally because I am friends with so many of the ladies here and I like to be able to offer advice if someone has a problem that I have experience with (tearing during delivery, kidney stones, pain management, etc)...and I never felt unwelcome before...I've always defended the rights of women that other people consider "older" to have children and it kinda hurts that people who don't want to be judged by their age do the exact same in reverse :-(.

[mjmom69]

I'm a little late on this too but I just don't understand why a 22 yr old would come on the 35+ site and criticize someone. Everyone here is always so supportive and encouraging as it should be. That is why we are here. No one that young can even begin to understand. Most young women TTC do nothing before they get pregnant and certainly do not research everything to death like we do. We know our odds and they aren't really much worse than a younger woman. If you can still get pregnant, why not if you really want it. I feel no different now at 41 then I did with my 1st child at 32. I am healthy and active and always have been. There is no way as a 22 yr old, I could have been as dedicated to my child as I can be now. I'm sure that's not the case with every 22 year old but like I said, we are here to support and encourage. If you don't want to do that, don't come here and criticize. I applaud all of you wonderful ladies for having the courage to do what you're doing. I wish you all lots of SSBD!

[sassysissy244]

I am 50. If I could get another bundle delivered from my birth canal I would be simply happy. I would not bat an eye at the dream, go for it. Older mums are better prepared to do child rearing the correct way. I have nine my youngest is 6years old. Some were supportive, some were jealous, some were mean but not one have asked to care for children or give a helping hand. I am educated and self supporting. I would do again in a heart beat.

[peekawho]

Hmm.  I'm late to the party, but it looks like our ProudMumToBe has left the building.  Ash, I know you understand that people were reacting to her judgemental and negative comments about older mothers.  I think they were just saying that she is young, and when you are young, you view old people in a different category than you would later on.

I know when I was 22, 50 was just about dead.  Blue hair and a cane.  (ironic that I might be ready for the cane, eh?)

ProudMum, if you are still reading this, lighten up and try not to look at age as the determining factor in proper parenting.  As Ashelen said, we certainly are not saying that 22 is too young to parent, so don't put older parents down.

[Ashelen]

I completely understand I just wanted to remind everyone in what is (and should be!) a very emotionally-charged topic.

I also agree with everything you've said in your first paragraph. I, too, have heard comments like "she's too old to be having a baby!" but then...remember...there are plenty of people who say "she's too young to have a baby!".

Either way, you know I agree with you and I just wanted to leave a gentle reminder because my feelings were a little hurt (not by you, you've never hurt my feelings Amanda, LOL). I realize this is not my forum so dropping in was a little rude, but just because one young poster has a rude opinion about age and pregnancy doesn't mean we all deserve to be lumped!

no hard feelings whatsoever towards anyone here!

[adgal]

Hi Ivy!!  Thanks for dropping in.  And thank you for the reminder.  I hope I didn`t come across that way as that was not my intent.  For me, my frustration comes from hearing comments like one of the posters made that it is irresponsible for me to be having children in my 40`s.  There are many young women who are excellent mothers (such as yourself, don`t be so humble girl!), I just would not have been one of them, and I knew it.  So to me, it would have been far more irresponsible to have a child before I was ready.

Age is not the defining factor in what makes a good mom.  Maturity is iimportant, however as we all well know, that does not necessarily go hand in hand with age.  I think what is coming out here is frustration as this kind of negativity is something we often hear.  And sadly, most of it is misguided.  Bottom line is that every child being brought into this world should be done so with much thought ahead of time.  And every person is different.  I have met women much younger then myself who are wonderful parents, and I have met women my age who just shouldn`t be allowed to reproduce.  But to judge based solely on age is wrong...and rather ignorant.