Pressure to get pregnant

[T42]

I'm a newby. I have been lurking for awhile but never needed to aska question until now. It's not really a question but I could use some support and I know the women here are great at that! :-) My dh is alot younger than me (Im 37 and he just turned 30).  We both want a baby really bad but I haven't been able to get pregnant with him. I have a daughter from a previous relationship but she is 14 so its been a long time since I was pregnant. I have not seen anyone about infertility because its only been about 6 months that were trying but I feel alot of pressure. My husband is so sweet and doesnt push but I know he wants a baby so bad and so do I. Sometimes I get scared hes gonna leave me if I cant give him a baby but I know that is crazy. Im embarrassed to talk to other people because I think they think Im too old to have another baby. But Im a good mom and my dh would be a really good dad.

I dont know. I read about the lady whos boyfriend doesnt want kids and it made me so sad because I know so many of us want them so bad. I dont know if this is the right place to post this but I think I cant get pregnant because Im getting older.  I think I just need some hugs and maybe some ways to increase my fertility. We have really bad insurence so I cant afford anything fancy.

[PamelaBee]

Hello and welcome to the forum!  First let me say, you are not too old to have a baby.  As you can see from the many posts here, there are women 35 and up and into their mid/late 40's having babies or actively trying, me included!  You mentioned you were TTC for 6 mos?  If you go to your OB, he/she will probably tell you to keep trying for up to 1year.  There are many women on this forum with far more experience than myself regarding fertility options, so I couldn't advise you in that arena--and I'm sure the replies will start pouring in!  I think it's great you both want a baby, and unless you are seen by a RE and told otherwise, I would continue trying, target your fertile/ovulation times during the month, and enjoy the process!  Good luck!

[SoCalTricia]

Well, first off, 37 is NOT old! I'm 40, and almost 13 weeks pregnant. (I have an 18 y.o. and a 9 y.o.). I would make an appt with your OB/GYN for a check up. Tell him/her you have been trying for six months and ask for all the tests to make sure you're "in good operating condition." If you are over 35, I believe, they will start testing after six months of trying to conceive. Please keep us up to date regarding your progress, and GOOD LUCK!

Tricia

[Luckejem]

All I can say is, have faith and don't give up. I am 37 and with two children, ages 22 and 18 (yes, big kids) and I am now trying to get pregnant at age 37. Do I care what  people think, if  I'm too old, nope.. not at all. It comes down to what you want, what you can handle.  What I do suggest is to get to now your body, track your ovulation dates and cervical fluids, you can go through ovulation kits, calendars and what not. If all fails, then go see your doctor. you'll be fine, oh and welcome.. keep us posted.
Jo  

[T42]

Thank you so much. You all make alot of sense with what I should do about my doctor.  Sometimes that seems like the easy part since there are alot of things we can try if we still cant get pregnant. I feel worst about feeling like Im disappointing my dh :-( Please keep the responses coming! You all are great!

[asta11]

in few months I will be 40.Never had kids, never pregnant not Iike I tried hard, simply I was not in good relationship like now. I might be getting married, but so far no pregnancy...instead diagnosed with endometriosis, had laparoscopy in sept 08 and still need another laparoscopy....My boyfriend is divorced with 2 kids, does not pressure me to be pregnant, he is not for invitro at all................I can't make peace with myself not to have child at all............hearing my friends are pregnant now ...age 37,40.......i'm happy for them trully,but it breaks my heart...............

[SoCalTricia]

If you *really want a baby, that's a serious conversation I'd have with your potential husband *before you marry. I have two friends who knew that motherhood was something they wanted in life - they both gave their SOs the ultimatum, saying "This is what I want. If you don't want it, we need to go our separate ways." One of them ended up getting the a-okay from her then-boyfriend (married now) and she is due in May. The other ended up divorced, but she is happy and looking for a mate that wants the same things *she wants. The bottom line is, no matter how much you love someone, having a child is a HUGE life event - and if you want/need that and miss out on it because of the person you are with, then you can't help but resent them. And how healthy is that relationship, anyway, if you aren't on the same page? Anyway...I'm sure I've babbled on long enough - but I want to encourage you to do some soul-searching and decide what YOU really want...then find out if your boyfriend is willing to do what it takes to help you achieve your dream. If not, then you have some decisions to make! Either way - good luck!

Tricia

[asta11]

i understand completely what you are saying.............believe me...Maybe my post sounded like he doesn't kids at all, it's not the case. I know he would be happy, but he is not for invitro.....................thank you for responding to me.............

[Helen72]

I know exactly how you feel.  When I turned 34 I started getting a lot of pressure from my family and not being able to conceive made my life a living hell.  I can only offer advice based on my own experience.  1. Do not let ttc pressures affect your relationship with dh.  Ttc should be enjoyable, not a duty that you schedule on certain days.  2. Do not wait to get help.  After 6 months of trying I would ask your ob to run some simple tests to make sure that everything is OK.

Good luck to you!!!
&
Welcome to the forum!

[T42]

Thank you so much.  You definitly understand and I really needed to hear that <3

[T42]

OP here.  Still trying but no luck so far :(  It is hard to stay positive but Im trying.  Ive been a little down and staying away from the boards but Im back now.  Send some good vibes my way please.

[40smama]

T42 - have you considered going to a doctor?  The recommendation is to try six months and if unsuccessful, then seek some professional help.  There's so much doctors especially fertility specialists can do - they can check hormones to see if you're ovulating, do a sperm analysis on your dh, gosh, lots of things - too much to list here.

[LisaRG]

Hello,
I know you said you have limited insurance, but I would ask your OBgyn to at least check your reproductive hormones like FSH and E2 levels on day 2 of your cycle.  This may be covered by your insurance and they can give you an idea on how easy or hard it will be for you to conceive or ovulate.
Do you get a period every month?
I recommend buying the book "Taking charge of your fertility"
Look it up on the web.  It is extremely informative, and can teach you a lot about TTC and how to be aware of your fertile time so you can plan your conception and "catch the egg".  They will teach you to chart your cycle and take your bbt.  It sounds like a lot, but its not.
These are less expensive options for you to start with.
Good luck,
Lisa

[adgal]

All the others gave really great advice, so I will just third and fourth that 37 is not too old...I am 40 and get pregnant quite easily.  However, after 35, Dr.'s do usually recommend some sort of testing after 6 months.  I wish you luck, and hope to be reading about your BFP soon!!

[usuk]

you might wanna tell your OB you have been trying for more than six months even if it is a white lie. i know how you feel. my DH is 32 and i am 38. we have been married since 2007 and still no baby but 3 MCs. we lived together for 7 years before marriage and i know both of us wish we did this sooner. it may have made it a lot easier. so now - take the pressure off you and put it on your OB to get you assessed :)

[cmoretti]

I want to add something because i see that you feel like you would be letting him down.... fertility issues are 50% women and 50% men. It is possible that he has the problem. In fact, it is such a simple test, I would get the sperm analysis done first! I find it amazing all of the tests they do on women only to find out SEVERAL months later when referred to an RE that there is a sperm issue!

[kristine625]

I completely agree with 37 not being too old.  I don't know if this post will be a little outdated- I see that it was first posted in January.  But I am 39 and we get pregnant very easily, every time.  Unfortunately we also miscarry within the first 8 weeks.  I have had three  miscarriages.

I also wanted to comment on the "pressure" thing.  I am feeling a lot of pressure too.  I know that my family does not mean to pressure.  But since I made the mistake of telling them about the first pregnancy (one year ago), my dad especially, has been asking about it.  He always poses it as, "I just want the best for you and your husband"  "I only want the very best".

As if the only way we can ever ever be happy and have a fulfilling life is to have a child.  I know a lot of people feel this way and I would not ever argue with that philosophy for those who feel this way.  But I cannot stand the feeling that I would be "less than" if we do not have a child.

There is a distinct possibility that we will not be able to have children either due to the emotional toll of all of these miscarriages or my body will just decide that it is too late (whichever happens first).

I cannot stand the feeling I get from family that this is what we should be doing and if we don't do it than it is the end of the world.  It is not the end of the world.

Anyway, that is my vent.  Sorry if it's long-winded.

Bottom line, 37 is not too old at all!  I am feeling a lot of pressure too.  I don't know if there is any comfort in knowing that you are not alone.

Take care.

P.S.  since this was first posted in Jan.  I would be curious to hear from T42.  How are you doing??