Should older mums lie about their age?

[AdamThomasAnastasia]

I'm wondering whether women here have ever thought of lying about their age to avoid negative or embarrassing questions about being pregnant at an older age, ie, trying to pass yourself off as a 40 year old when you are actually 45, etc.

[arraberiel]

I do respect whatever it is you prefer...to deny or tell people about your real age. It is your life and surely you have valid reasons to back it up.

A good reason I can say if an older woman got pregnant is...she's healthy and proud to be a mom!

[arraberiel]

I agree with you all the way! I never denied my age and will never deny it. I'm having my IVF treatment for the 4th time now and I'm already 44. My dh is 10 years my junior and never did have the thought of denying my age. I am proud to be a 44 year old mom if my pregnancy complete its term.

[PamelaBee]

I was 43 with my first child and 45 with my second.  I am now 47.  I go to playgoups with Moms that are 23!  I also don't look my age, or rather, no one has ever guessed 47.  To those that have asked my age, after I tell them I'm 47, they look surprised.  Believe me, I can take whatever comments or questions come my way, and I'm always honest and have never lied about my age, and never would.  If anything, I feel I am an inspiration to women that are in there late 30's early 40's to know that there still is time...if you want a baby or second or third : )    I think there will always be that group of people that think all women over the age of 40 will have DS babies, or older parents won't be alive long enough to see their children go to college, etc...So, ultimately it is what you're comfortable with and your choice.  People have to stop worrying about what other people think...

[Azwoman]

Well in your situation, it is a little different. Now I do not condone lying to someone youre dating, but some people do get up in arms about older women being pregnant and in your situation, I dont think these people need to even know your age. I honestly would not tell them, just say you're a little older but healthy and your baby is healthy too. This is just my opinion.

[adgal]

I know what your saying about stopping the comments, and sure can't blame you.  But in all honesty, I doubt it would.  One of the things that I have learned in this whole journey is that there are many who will find a negative no matter the situation, and let you know about it.

I miscarried a few times before having my son.  I heard things like "why do you keep putting yourself through this" or "many couples are happy childless".  I stopped telling people in my real life because that wasn't the support I needed.  There are those that wouuld find fault with you having a baby in your early 20's because "in their opinion, you are not emotionally or financially secure enough".  In your 30's because "why would you do that at the height of your career" those that find fault if you go it alone because "a child deserves two parents".  In a young marriage "don't you think you should concentrate on being a married couple first"...and it goes on.  Someone will always find fault, or a reason you shouldn't.  And after the baby is born..yikes.  Opinions on whether you should vaccinate or not, what you are feeding your child, whether you are nursing or bottle feeding, etc. etc.  The list is endless.  So choosing to have a child at 47 is just one more issue that SOME will find fault with.

There is also fortunately, the opposite.  Those that even if they do not agree with your choice will respect it.  That offer positive and helpful advice.  And those are the people I have chosen to surround myself with.  My motto now is that this my life.  This is my son.  I know I am a pretty good mom, and part of that for me comes from the fact that I am older.  Again, not the right choice for everyone, but it was for me.  The only time I have had a negative reaction to that is from people that don't know me.  I have no regrets and as mentioned am trying again for another.  I refuse to hide who or what I am just to avoid negativity.  Because if not for that reason, some will just find another.  

Hope I kind of made sense there.  You need to do what is right for you, so I am not telling you you shouldn't hide your age, just that I refuse too.

I have been on these boards a long time.  There are so many great people here.  I know that when I post something I am going to get the good and the bad.  I choose the advice that makes sense to me, or fits my life, and just leave the rest.  I now recognize some of the comments as just one persons opinion, and although they are certainly entitled to it, I no longer allow it to impact me.  Usually it is incredible support, and I hope that is your experience too.  

[AdamThomasAnastasia]

Well, I didn't mean just because there is any shame to it, but more because it would stop the questions and having to explain yourself, ie, why you chose to have a child so late, etc.  I meant it more as a way of convenience rather than something to be ashamed of.  

I guess I was thinking about the reaction I got in the other thread.  People have told me that I don't look my age, that I look a lot younger, I've even had one person think that I was about 35-38, when I'm 47.  It would make it a lot easier to tell people that I am 40-42, they wouldn't really have anything to say about that.

Funny, my mothers aunt had children when young, stopped and then out of the blue she fell pregnant at 50...this is way back in the old village...no doctors, no medicines, etc.  She was so embarrassed, that she hid her belly right up to the end.  Well, he grew up to be the village doctor and everyone talks about her and her late pregnancy as a blessing for her and everyone.  

I think you are right though about hiding pregnancy because of shame...not good.  I think children will also feel your shame when they come along.  It's important to feel like every child is a blessing, no matter what situation they come into the world.

[adgal]

Actually, never.  I am proud of it!  Here is my personal opinion on that issue...to lie about it means we are somehow ashamed of it, and that just plays into OTHER people's issues.  To be honest though, until very recently I had never really had any negative reactions.  Many of my friends have grandkids and may have thought we were a bit crazy, but crazy in a good way, and all have been incredibly supportive.  Actually, they spoil my son rotten...lol.  A dear friend of mine from MH just had a little girl at 45.  As far as I know, she has never denied her age.  There is just nothing to hide.