When is enough enough

[mrscass]

Hey ladies, 24 wks today... Not really a pregnancy related question, but so desperate for any advice.. My husband is in the bar again,last weekend he went out fri and then left to go to work sat but decided on an all day drinking session, he ignores my calls all the time when he is out, claiming he cant hear his phone, well I found out he was in the bar and went and asked him what the hell he was doing, cut a lonh story sshort he made me cry and I left while he carried on with his family and buddies, he rolls home about midnight, next.day when he rises aftrt midday, he apolpgises again, like always I accept apology thinking he means it, but tonight he out again and ignorin my calls.. Back to square one, he has frequently stayed out all night including last xmas eve!.claiming to just fall asleep mates sofas, am I expecting to much, will he change when baby is here,.so confused and scared right now, do I leave and give up on my marriage? Any advice ladies please..

[Kirstie_MHModerator]

We have a community for people living with an alcoholic - it's under Alcoholic, Living with an:
http://www.medhelp.org/forums/Alcoholic--Living-with-an-/show/217

You're getting some great feedback here, so I'm not chasing you out of this community, but wanted to suggest another community here that might offer help and advice for your situation.

[AnnieBrooke]

Good luck, mrscass, please post after your first meeting.  I think it will matter a lot to you to even just walk in the door.  The site has a personal message feature -- pm me or I am sure Stacey would also not mind, if you would like, as you move along this road.  There are other forums on this site that might be helpful, too -- click the "Forums" list at the top of the page.  

[stacey10]

no I didnt stay with him, and so happy that I dint it was a nightmare of a relationship, I also went to al anon for a while but I already knew none of it was my fault, his choice to do what he was doing, I decided that I didnt want that in my life and knew he would never change, had 2 children to him and never looked back once I kicked him out :)

[mrscass]

Thank you ladies, you have just added to what I know I need to do.. Yes I have picked up al anon flyer from my clinic, and got the local contact no.. I will call them...thank you so so much.

[cutter1974]

It isn't going to get better, unless he is willing to get help and change. He is an alcoholic.  This situation is not good for you and your baby.  Al-anon would be a good start for you. I hear it is very informative and helpful. Maybe they could help you decide what is best for you and baby.

[AnnieBrooke]

MrsCass, are you in the United States?  You really need to get to Al-Anon.  No more wishful thinking, a baby is going to add stress, and if you add stress to the life of an alcoholic whose main number is avoidance, guess what will happen.  More avoidance and drinking.  He is not going to be hit by the Magic Daddy Fairy, especially if you just take it and take it.  Please go to Al-Anon tonight, or tomorrow.

[mrscass]

What did you do stacey? Did you stay with him?

[stacey10]

I've been through what your going thru and in my experience they dont change when baby comes along, sometimes it gets worse, and as hard as it is, your really much better off without that type of behaviour in your life, you def dont need the stress of it all now, or when you have a new baby, he sounds like he needs to grow up a hell of alot, and you should be his number 1 priority not going out and drinking nd doing god knows what else!!!

[mrscass]

No you were being honest, thats what I wanted, im to ole to be playing games, I dont no about housing, im just lying in bed trying to get my thoughts together, he still not home is 1am and if he was there would be no point talking when hes so intoxicated, I feel like my heart is breaking, but seriously thank you, no point asking a question and wanting people to not tell me their honest thoughts, I just thought he would man up, we lossed a baby couple yrs back and been ttc ever since, I thought our pprayers had been answered..

[AnnieBrooke]

Do you have a place to go, or if you told him he had to leave (and you stay put), would he?  Can you support yourself?  Not that I am saying you should stay if you can't, but it will affect where you go (i.e., to an apartment of your own, or home to your mother).  I would frankly not stay another minute in the situation the way it is.  

I am so sorry, I do hope I didn't sound unfeeling, but really sweetheart, you know and I know that he is being an a s s.

[mrscass]

Thanks annie I dont have any friends or family locally to ask, but I guess I just wanted someone to confirm what my head was already telling me..my fantasy family was just that, mine not his.. Love ***** sometimes..

[AnnieBrooke]

He won't change when the baby is here.  Why would he?  You keep forgiving him.  He's behaving like a jerk and an alcoholic, and you are saying it is OK.  Time for some serious thinking and some action, on your part.