Cannot breastfeed...feeling guilty

[Courtcoop]

Don't know why I thought it was a possibilty after a double mastectomy to breastfeed.

Wishful thinking perhaps. I thought, just beacuse they removed all my breast tissue, the glands are still present just inderneath the skin. My boobs are bigger than before and hurt like heck so thought "perhaps I can BF"..why else would my boobs hurt with only implants?!

Today,  DR said "highly doubt it "  as the milk comes from glands AND breast tissue (which I have no tissue).

I was very lucky and the removal was done under the breast fold, nipple in tact, sensation still in 75% of my breast and full feeling in nipples. Reconstruction after 9 months after the removal done last summer..they look pretty normal, so I guess I just overlooked my issue....ahh.. wishful thinking.

I was so looking forward to be able to breast feed, I almost feel like a failure in a way..non-maternal abilities for my child to have a healthy start.

The bonding part is also what I feel I will be lacking.

I am a bit bummed out. Don't know why I thought it would be ok...what was I thinking...anyone else unable to BF?

[taiyahsmom]

I hate that I feel ashamed I didn't breastfeed my children by choice. All three are super healthy, happy, and smart teenagers (and one preteen) I remember the nurses at the hospital making me feel like a mass murderer for choosing formula. First time I was 17 and already freaked out and other times I worked full time and it was too difficult. Your going to be a wonderful mommy and your DP will get more time with baby too. I'm sorry you can't and wanted too but it won't stop the bonding and baby will still be great! I am thinking about at least trying now that I am wayyyy more mature but it doesn't work for everyone so if it's meant to be it will and this time I am not going to let anyone make me feel less of a mother because of it. Hope your feeling great!!

[Alba333]

Hello again, now about this non-breastfeeding stuff, let's not pretend, hell it's down right horrible yes, I've experienced it myself having 2 completely healthy and big enough breasts!! Not only that but it is embarrassing that I couldn't get them to work properly.  It makes you feel inadequate especially since there is no explanation for the milk not seeming like it wants to come in.  Long story short, I found out that all this time, it was not my darn breast with the problem!  It was that I didn't feed him every 20 min. until my milk just comes in.  I wasn't aware that babies are supposed to get fed that much and you have to keep them stuck to you basically all day till THEY make it come in for you.  (It's a supply and demand thing) Yah, now I know!  Needless to say that with all the Breast-help lines and 800#s I called no one could tell me this little secret about breast feeding!!!!  My own mother and mother-in-law both never breastfed so they couldn't even help me with advice.   Well,  it's a lot more complex than it looks!  Here I thought that it was just my darn breasts!  Maybe my nipple rings that I removed  had scared something that blocked my milk, hell I was reaching for straws at this point!!!!   See now it's all coming back to me and I so feel the RAGE!!! AGAIN!!  I tell ya I still have trouble letting go of coulda-woulda-shoulda!!!!  At any rate, I survived emotionally and you will too! You've already come this far.  My son even ended up colicky because of the formula and oh sooo gassy!! poor baby!  I have a lot of info . about which formula to use for this that works miraculously if you need it.  I have used them all!  Also I doctored up my sons formula so it is SUPER NUTRITIOUS for him and I did feel alot better for doing that.   Good Luck!  Alba

[Courtcoop]

thanks wanting4#1!!!!!!
I guess I am getting ahead of myself as I am only 7.4 but DR raised these issues today....

[Courtcoop]

Thank you so much girls...I feel much better.

Alikat...what a trauma! So glad things turned out just fine for you and your little one! God bless you!

Athena...wow...that is great! Aftre I told my mom (she assumed I could not anyways) she said the same thing "Just imagine, having DP getting up every 2 hours and you can sleep"...it might turn out ok after all....:-)

Thanks for the support...

[wanting4#1]

Oh, please don't feel like a failure.  You are everything but...look at what you have already survived and beaten?!?

There's so much more to being a Mom than being able to breastfeed and you are going to be able to show your child your strength, your love, your everything because you survived...always remember that!

[Athena_M]

I know how sad it is not to be able to breastfeed.  I was not able to breastfeed my son because I was taking meds that passed into the milk.  

It was heartbreaking.  I had to give him formula and one lady asked, "Oh do you give him formula in public and breastfeed at home?"  I was devasted and crying.  

I was in a Mom's club and everyone was breastfeeding their children.  But guess what?  My son was the happiest baby in the group of 15.  

Everyone had cranky babies and alot of it is because what the mom eats the baby does too.  So if you eat something spicy then the baby gets that in their system.      

My son was the only one sleeping through the night at 6 weeks because he was on formula and didn't get hungry during the night.  Since he was getting so much sleep and taking 3 hour naps he was alot more cheerful and happy.  

My son has a high IQ too.  

I hope that this helps you feel better.  There are positives to not breastfeeding.  

Oh another thing, my son never ever got a cold or anything during those years he was on formula, whereas my friends babies where getting sick alot.  

For bonding you can still do skin to skin contact.  The day after I gave birth one of the nurses stuck my baby in my shirt and said, " You need to do skin to skin contact".  

I know it is heartbreaking, but your baby will sleep through the night, take long naps, be healthier, and will be happier too.  

Hugs to you Courtcoop

[alikat1205]

I couldn't for different reasons.  I had a complete rupture at birth and suffered extreme blood loss and shock, which "shut down" a portion of my brain temporarily (apparently that is the portion that controls lactation), and my milk never came down at all.  After having a traumatic birth where I felt less "womanly", it was a double loss to feel like I failed at BF too.  But you know what, you are not a failure!  You can be maternal and feed your baby with a bottle if you need to do so, and your baby is going to be fine, and is going to bond with you too.  :)