Bf keeps undermining me

[junebaby2]

My bf works ALOT of hours and doesn't see our son (almost 3) as much as he'd like. I feel like he is overcompensating for this by spoiling him and constantly undermining me to be the hero parent.  Just now our son refused to walk from the car to the patio at the restaurant (a whopping 30') I said "our table is right there a d you can walk like a big boy." Then he throws up his arms and smiles at daddy, who of course caves and says "want daddy to carry you? Ok" I say thanks a lot with a tone and he says "someone's hormones are raging" which really adds insult to injury. This might not sound Like a big deal but we live on the 3rd floor and I'm 5 months pregnant AND have spinal injuries. I deal with a 20 min tantrum every day (which bf never sees or has had to go througg) about going up and down the stairs vs being carried because my bf won't stop carrying him.  Which he defends because 'he never gets to' And its not just this.  Its everything.  Buying toys in the store, watching movies in his room way past bedtime, etc etc etc.  Ugh.I don't think this has ANYTHING to do with hormones, its practicality and parenting as a united front, and putting your own short term emotional gain aside for the long term sake of sons development. Thoughts?

[KristiGG]

Lol! Just say "doctors orders...no more carrying him, so he is learning to walk".  It will make them feel bad.  My son does that at my daughters preschool.  He will just lay on the ground crying and then start pathetically crawl towards me.  It sounds awful but I just say "fine I am going to keep going, you stay there, ill be back" and he always comes immediately.  Of course I never do leave him but I will give more distance between us than he is comfortable with or if in our house I will stand right outside the door if he wont come to the garage and as soon as I hear him coming I open the door for him to join me.

[junebaby2]

The best is when he's screaming on the stairs 'that he can't do it' or 'doesn't want to do it' and neighbors will open their doors to see what's the commotion and look at me like I'm negligent or abusive piece of dirt parent for 'making' my son walk up the stairs.  Of course no one ever sees that when we do get to the top he's all excited and confident and saying "I did it" !

[YoungLadyDay14]

Yea I agree with u. The two of u have to sit down and come to some type of compromise. Children are smart they try to divide and conquer. If he doesn't learn young he will have more trouble when he gets older. Wish you well!

[KristiGG]

Ugh my husband does the same with my kids when it comes to carrying.  When pregnant with my son I was told by a doctor that I had to stop carrying my daughter but evenings and weekends daddy just did constantly.  Now pregnant with my third I am having same problem with my son.  With my daughter I finally just started saying mommy cannot carry you anymore, when daddy is home he will but it hurts mommy when I carry you.  I am not doing so well this time around tho bc I have to get my daughter to school and activities so I just give in when he doesn't cooperate.  He also weighs like 10 pounds less then she did when I was pregnant with him.  Maybe just saying you have to wait for daddy, it hurts mommy to carry u will help you with him?