***I'M SORRY FOR THE LONG POST AND RAMBLING"
I have so many emotions and thoughts running through me right now that I'm having a hard time getting my head clear.
I saw my OB today at 37w 2d. We scheduled a c-section for 39 weeks - Sept 24 - because the baby is breech and I'm high risk. I have been trying various methods at home to get the baby to turn head down for weeks now, but so far no luck. My doctor initially thought I might be a candidate for an ECV, which I wasn't thrilled about (afraid it'd hurt the baby), but today he completely ruled it out. The baby is measuring big, my 3 year old was a big baby (9lbs 10oz at 36w 3d) and he doesn't think I have enough amniotic fluid to attempt an ECV and be successful - especially without causing me too much pain. I told my Doctor that I think I'd like to try the ECV anyways because I'm not concerned about my pain but I'm terrified of the c-section. He thought doing a dry run of the procedure might ease my mind. He ended up putting a small amount of pressure on the top of my abdomen and the pain was pretty intense. He said that confirmed his thoughts that I am not a candidate for the ECV. He will do an ultra sound on me on 9/24 to confirm the baby's position - if the baby is head down, he will induce; but if the baby is still breech, he will move forward with the c-section.
I'm so flipping nervous and stressed about having a c-section as well as the recovery (I'm a diabetic which means the recovery could take MONTHS and there could be complications with the recovery). I know that I shouldn't worry about what could be, but I have a 3 year old and I'm a stay at home mom - most everyone I know works and the one parent I have locally is disabled and showing signs of dementia (she's not allowed to be alone with my 3 year old let alone have her in my house caring for me, the new baby and my 3 year old - scares the crap out of me just thinking about it). And it's not like we can afford to pay for help - this pregnancy is costing us all our savings (it's taken MANY years to save what we have) thanks to new health care nonsense and my husband is going from an hourly to salary position in October (which means he's losing a big chunk of pay - about the cost of new car which means I may have to get a night job in the near future just so we can keep our house - but he'll still make too much for anyone to give us a break). So, I'm stressing BIG TIME about how I'm going to manage everything without any recovery complications.
Also, I'm freaking out about the idea of my baby being cut out of me instead of giving birth - that's what the idea of a C-section is to me. The thought of not being able to give birth to my baby brings me to massive tears. I just feel so depressed, hopeless, anxious, nervous and scared. Plus some other emotions that I can't quite think of the names ;/.
Please don't get me wrong, I look forward to meeting our new bundle of joy. I trust my doctor and I ultimately want what's best for the health of our baby. I'm just having a very difficult time with the whole c-section thing.
If anyone has any positive stories or feedback to share, that might help ease my mind a bit.