Feelings hurt and questioning my decision...

[soon2bemommieof2]

So I am 29 years old and working. I have a masters degree in a medical/allied health profession in which I currently work. I have a 10 year old son and and 18 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I and mm newly engaged to my wonderful fiance who also works full time. Technically I am self employed but I work through an agency so I do not get maternity leave or any benefits. With 2 incomes we are doing pretty well but without my income it'll be a struggle. My fiance wanted us to get married at the courthouse before baby comes then have a ceremony 1 year later in Jamaica. I convinced him to just wait and get married next year on Jamaica after baby come because I will qualify for state assistance while I'm off with baby. It won't be much at all but it will cover medical for me and baby and maybe I will get food stamp benefits and child care assistance when I initially return to work. My fiance agreed to wait for this reason. I talked to my mom about it and she made me feel terrible. She said I have a ghetto mentality for making that decision and told me she would buy the m baby milk if its that serious. It's not about buying milk but she made me feel like I am a horrible person.  What do you think?

[MamaMacMurtry]

We are in a very similar situation (although I'm thankful that our families are supportive.) Today is actually my due date & after doing some research, childcare in our area is very expensive. If I were to go back to work after David is born, more than 2/3-3/4 of my weekly income would go to daycare, depending on hours. We've decided that for the first 6-8 weeks, I'm not going to work at all to allow us the best possible chance at developing a successful breastfeeding routine. In the meantime, I'm going to look for a part time, second shift job (like 6-11pm 2-3 nights a week) to help us make ends meet. That way, when daddy gets home from work, he can take over with the baby & I'll head out, leaving him with pumped milk for baby. In addition, we are applying for State assistance, honestly whatever we can get, be it WIC, foodstamps, housing subsidy, heating fuel assistance, and/or cash assistance. We already utilize the benefits of the local food shelf when we need to & I am not too proud to admit that Vermont is an expensive state to live in & start a family. I am not ashamed of the fact that we might need help for awhile until we get our feet under us. To me, if money is going to be tight anyway, I would rather the reason be because I am staying home & raising my son, rather than because I wen't back to a full time job I really don't like & don't feel appreciated at & most of my check has to go toward childcare. Not to mention, if I go back to work full time, we would "make too much money" and wouldn't qualify for any sort of assistance, so ultimately would be in worse shape, financially. Our plan is the best one for our family's survival & that's all that matters to me. I think you are making the best decision for your family too & that your mother is being rude and narrow minded. There is nothing ghetto about a hard working American realizing that they need help & figuring out how to get it. Good luck with your little one & the rest of your pregnancy. Hopefully your mom will come around!

[chloegc1023]

I would say in the meantime it is a smart move.  It's true what most say on here, the system is created to keep ppl where they r, not for ppl trying to improve themselves.  It really needs to be revamped where they should be helping those trying to improve themselves and show proof that ur actually trying to do better with ur life/financial situation instead only helping those who r too lazy to do anything except have more kids so they can stay in the system.  I ended up having to sign up for Medicaid since I lost my insurance at my job thru no fault of my own due to office politics/change of company.  We were already trying for a baby when I had insurance and I got pregnant a couple weeks after I lost it.  I thought I could sign up for obamacare since I thought I qualified for enrollment outside of open enrollment, well, I was outright denied!!!!  I tried to go the route of paying insurance, but as it turns out I was able to sign up for Medicaid, which I thank God I qualified for.  Ive been paying into these benefits for years, so I don't feel bad using it.

[Scuttles88]

Married couples dont get much help..SO TRUE. We "make too much money" to qualify for anything. I'm a teacher in NC for crying out loud. My husband is in finance. We pay all our bills on time and dont take on any new debt and we budget the heck out of every paycheck. Hardly raking in the dough lol.

[blessedx2]

I'm in the same boat and we choose the same to wait to get married until after we have our 2nd baby. For prenatal care I needed it. I had insurance through my mom but she lost her job, we could've gotten married just so I could have insurance but decided that wasnt a good reason to jump the gun. As posted above married couples dont get much if any assistance. And fiancially we couldn't afford a big hospital copay bill anyway. Dont let her bug you. Like you said its temporary and you pay taxes, its your right.

[Skittles_2_1_15]

Yes what all the ladies said above i totally agree.. Its not abuse and people like us that actually work sometimes things happen where we might need it also.. We pay for it with every check we get shoot... lol if i was you i would get it now almost after i stopped working and get foodstamps for you and your oldest daughter it is suppose to be temporary so use it miss lady...

[soon2bemommieof2]

Thanks everyone for the positive words of support

[soon2bemommieof2]

Mayday2014 good advice to keep my financial decisions to myself...I will follow that advice from now on.

[soon2bemommieof2]

Wow rosealie I'm sorry thing we're so difficult for you but I'm glad things have worked out.

[rosealie23]

When we had our first baby I told my husband the same thing. I knew we would be better off if we waited to get married that way I could have insurance for me and baby and food stamp and cash benefits. I wanted to do that for a year and a half until I was able to get back to work and finish collage courses I was taking for a promotion. He was working and thought that was enough so insisted we get married. Because I was out of work for so long breastfeeding and going through my husband's insurance from his job with high copays I could not afford to finish school and had to quit. I was working in a medical office and was hired on because I was going to school for a degree in the medical field when I quit school not only did I not get a promotion I got fired because they hired me for a medical position and I was not getting a medical degree. My advise you are doing the right thing because the government is not set up to help those who are trying to help themselves and doing the right thing. It is set up to take care of those who do not want to help themselves. Single women with no job and 10 kids can get help their entire lives but a married couple one working and the other on maternity leave unpaid and in school with a child can not get help not even medical for baby...  I finally finished school and have opened a home childcare for medically needy children but I struggled to get what I have and it was with no help from the government... if I would have not got married they would have supported me and my kids forever but since I did they could not even give minimal assistance till I finished school. Wait the year you need to get married. Good luck...

[MayDay2015]

There is NOTHING wrong with that.  My man and I doing the exact same thing  right now,  I just turned in my proof of pregnancy to Social Services today. We know our intentions are not to abuse the system forever, but to temporarily assist me in having a healthy pregnancy. My best friend did the same thing with her 8 year old. You are FAR from the only one doing this, so don't feel bad/ashamed. BUT you should keep your financial plans to yourself, especially from judge mental  people. Do what's best for your household, no matter what. Some people are just jealous that they can't or didn't think of  the  same thing. Good luck!

[MayDay2015]

There is nothing wrong with your plan. M

[Scuttles88]

Some people are having babies to STAY on public assistance. This is not the case with you. It sounds very temporary and it is not ghetto at all. A lot of people feel like only a certain type of person uses government assistance and that is not true. Don't let your mom or anyone else place this negative stigma on you. You have a plan and it sounds very reasonable. Go for it.

[binghamashley]

I agree. You're doing the smart thing. When I found out I was prego, my fiancé and I had a lot of discussion about that stuff too because where we lived, I wasn't going to make enough to even cover daycare and  several other things. Anyway, good call and the important thing to remember is that it isn't your mom's decision and you don't want to rely on her.

[soon2bemommieof2]

Thank you that makes me feel better. Definitely will only be temporary. I plan on going back to full time work within 6 months of baby

[ashleighgama]

I agree with all the comments above

[Lindsay_Berger]

I think you were very wise in your decision making. It sounds like you will be using the system temporarily for the reasons in which it was intended. You do not sound like you are trying to live off the system permanently n skew it to give you the most advantages you can get. Don't feel bad about doing good for u n ur family.

[nkeever90]

I think you should go for it. You are doing it for the health of your baby abd the stability of your family, if your mother doesnt see it that way then thats her fault. I wish i could have done that but my husband and i have been married for three years and he makes to much. Dont feel ashamed because it sounds like you have your feet under you, you are pregnant and need a break i say go a head every momma needs a little r and r you go girl

[addysmama04]

You are not a horrible person for wanting to get assistance. You pay taxes, you are entitled to it even if it is just for a short time. My husband works and I have been unable to find work so we get assistance. With out it I would not have prenatal care. Nothing to be ashamed of. People are quick to judge those who use state assistance and I understand it, but not everyone who is on it abuses the system or will be on it long term. Do what you need to make sure you and baby are taken care of.

[bralynn2014]

There a lot of people on assistance who take advantage of it. If your doing it to better yout family and for the right reasons and as a temporary assist than you're not doing anything wrong. Do what u feel is best...people are gonna judge you regardless. Its better to make sure you guys are doing everything u can for your family and let negative comments go.