Aa
Last Name Issue
my bf broke up with me 2 weeks before my positive pregnancy test but he had been telling me he thought I was before the breakup. Once I got the positive result, I let him know along with the fact that my hcg level was very low and had to take progesterone to hopefully prevent a miscarriage, as well as the date of my first appointment. That has been the only appointment he has been to and has made excuses the rest of the time. I'm now almost 33 weeks, I rarely see or hear from him and he hasn't helped me at all to get ready for our son. Now that I'm getting closer to the end, I'm wondering if I should give the baby my last name or his. Since our breakup he's also barely been involved with his other children from a previous relationship so I'm assuming it will be the same with my little boy. This is a huge decision, my friends and family say to give my son my last name because my ex doesn't deserve it since he has been and most likely will continue to be uninvolved.
Any thoughts??
Any thoughts??
Don't give your baby his last name! It makes sense for baby to have yours Since the "father" won't be involved anyway.
Your last name.
Well i can say i went threw the same thing with my first daughter , didnt see her Dad until she was comin out the womb so i ended up giving her my last name 6 months later we got back together and now we are married with our son on the way . So thats honestly a decision u should pray on.
Awww you didn't fail your baby! You're concerned and sound like a great mom! I used to feel that way too with my son but I look at him now and he's so well rounded and well behaved and hasn't missed out on anything. I realized that kids don't necessarily need both parents. Some people will try so hard to keep a family together but in some cases it's better for the parents to not be together and the kids still turn out just fine!
Im in a similar situation. I have decided to hyphenated the last. I know some guys are old school and want their last name. My baby daddy hasn't done anything or gone to any apt but he says he wwill be there when the baby comes. I personally hate hyphenated last names but I'm gonna do it and remember you can always change it later. I plan on doing that. By the time she is in school I will have dropped either mine or his. It just depends if he is sticking around and helping.
Thank you, amarie0082! I do feel very fortunate that the father of my two daughters has made some very drastic life changes since our breakup. So much so that I've found myself wishing this baby was also his at times. I feel like I failed my baby by getting pg by someone so selfish and uncaring.
I would go with your last name, too. I wish I had, but my first baby's father was there for me, he was a good dad until my son turned 2. He left and by 3 had phased out of his life completely. He came back for a few days when my son was 5, and was gone again until a week after he turned 10. He is currently still in his life, but I think the only reason is because I had asked him for his address to send the paperwork to change my son's last name. He told me "No" and that he wanted to see my son again. I made him take me to court. Anyway, I just wish he had my last name. I have since gotten remarried and he is the only one in my household with a different last name. He still wants to change it, but his father won't allow it.
Anyway, it sounds like your daughters' father is a great man.
Anyway, it sounds like your daughters' father is a great man.
Thank you, anasun87 and everybody! This has been on my mind since coming to terms with the fact that he was putting forth very little effort to even act like he cares about anything to do with the pregnancy or our son. His sister, who has been such a huge blessing throughout my pregnancy, is even telling me to give her nephew my last name. But she also knows first hand how lazy he is as a father because she's raising his two daughters. So I think I've finally decided that I'm going to give my son my last name. Thank you ladies so much for sharing your experiences and those of other Moms, it's helped more than you know!
Do your last name! Im in the same situation im def planning on giving my baby girl my last name. :)
Thank you very much, miss_lucky! Unfortunately, its not a lack of having time for our son or his other kids. He's just so self-absorbed and feels like showing up to give his other kids a hug should be enough for him to be considered a good father. He went as far as to be around our neighborhood on Christmas eve and day but he failed to stop and see his daughters although they stood in the front picture window of their house as he left. His picture should be next to the definition of a narcissist and deadbeat.
I'd give baby your last name!! I've been through it and I so wish I gave my first my last name cos now I can't change it without his permission (as he's on the birth cert ) and he won't agree. This time I am giving baby my last name :) different father but same sort of situation. Especially when you don't know for sure if they will even have time for baby :( you can always change babies name later on to his if things change :)
Thank you, Amy1830! The laws in NY sound very similar to those here in IL regarding name change/adoption by a new spouse. I just want to do right by my son, I honestly couldn't care less how my son's father feels about it since he has been so uninvolved during my pregnancy.
In my opinion I would definitely give the baby your last name. My sons dad and I didn't get along my whole pregnancy and I ended up giving him his fathers last name and two months later we broke up. He has paid about $2000 total in over 9 years and hasn't been in my sons life at all. Now my son is 9 and it really bothers him that he and I don't have the same last name. I plan on trying to change it but I'm getting married next year so I'm waiting until then so that we (including the new baby) will all have the same name. But I think it's still a hassle because you either need permission from the father or you have to go through a court process. (In NY at least, I think all states are different.) If you name him as the father on the birth certificate he has to pay child support regardless of the last name. But you said you don't care about child support, neither do I. So it might be better if you just left him off of it. I wish I had done that too. Because my sons dad was in and out of jail and even when he wasnt he wouldn't bother with my son. Then suddenly one day he would call demanding to see him and legally, he had gotten a small amount if visitation rights so he was allowed to. But my son doesn't know him and doesn't want to see him so I don't think it's fair to just pop up every couple of years for a month or so. I don't allow him to see him now when he does that, but it makes me worried because I think I'm legally supposed to. And I'm also worried that when I take him to court to change his name that he will try to get visits just to spite me because he always told me never take him to court he hates going and will fight me in whatever it is I want. I think if I could go back in time I would just forget about involving him in any way. That's my long story and your decision is up to you! I don't know if any of that helps. Financially I think you can do it without his money anyway. I did. But I didn't have any other kids. So I guess our situations are different there. Good luck!!!
I'm sure if I give my son my last name, the ex will probably refuse to sign the BC but I'm almost to the point that I don't care about that or child support. Honestly I'll be surprised if he's at the hospital very much, let alone when its time to fill out/sign the BC. If I hear from him, its through text message and he just asks how I'm doing then drops the conversation once I reply. The few times I've had him show up at the door (and I live right across the street from his mother, sister, and his 2 children) is when he wants to "hook up" as "just friends". Ugh this is such a hard decision to make as a mother. I have 2 daughters from a previous 9 yr relationship and I've never had to deal with this because their dad and I were together throughout the pregnancies, he was always there, made every appointment he could which was most of them, and is just an awesome father. He's even offered to take my son with our daughters during his visitation time (3 days every week). I just feel so lost over this...
My cousin was in the same boat. She gave her son her ex's last name then after a few years legally changed it to hers because her ex barely was in the picture. She said it was a hassle and wished she'd just given him her name from the start. So if you think he's not gonna be there then give him yours, its a name but it will help make you closer!
My friend was in the same boat ...and gave her son her last name ...but also since she did that her ex won't pay for anything
My sister had the same problem he was never there but when it came down to the birth certificate he was there and wanted the baby to have his last name as soon as she got out the hospital he left for two years
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
