Now what?

[Pattypop85]

Well sh!t really hit the fan yesterday. My baby's father has been out of a job for almost 3 months. I am five month pregnant now. I'm working pt and starting nursing school in a couple weeks. Between buying books for school, maternity clothes and baby stuff I am barely getting by. I recently gave up my apartment and moved home to lessen the stress financially but I get no help from the father. He lives at home and has never had any financial obligations. He got a good job a few weeks ago but failed the drug test for smoking weed and they didn't let him start. He gets money from his parents and he goes and buys beers, cigarettes and junk food. He hasn't taken me out on a date in months. Yesterday was my anatomy scan. I'm having a boy!!! :) my mother and him were there. He was very happy but in his own world. It was like he was there by himself. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me but he's emotionally not present. We left the doctors to head to baby's r us. It's a good 20 min ride. The whole way there he didn't talk to me. He sat on his phone telling his friends he's having a son. We got into a fight once we got to the store. I lost it. I told him he was a loser and he picked a shopping carriage and threw it at my car. My car is dented and the passenger door barely opens. I'm disgusted with him and how ugly things have gotten. I have given him ample time to get a job but my patience for his excuses is nonexistent and now this. I am already stressed finically and he goes and damages my car. He doesn't have any money never mind money to fix my car. I called his father after it happened and he replied with "what were you two fighting about" What does that matter? He damaged my car!!!!!! I can't stop crying and my anxiety is through the roof. I didn't sleep last night very well and I'm a mess. I don't know what to do. :'(  

[Pattypop85]

My mother called his father yesterday. You said it perfectly, you can't fix stupid. We are taking a break and it's done for now. I'm not stressing over it any more. I'm going today to do my registry with my mother and I couldn't be more excited!! He's the one who's missing out. I'm in a good place in my life and before my baby is two I will be finished with school/a registered nurse and will be able to provide for him. I'm sad things aren't the way they should be but I can't fix it. I can only do the best for me and my son and that is to be happy and positive. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it :)

[Pulga21]

You can't expect your childish boyfriend to grow up because you are pregnant. It is you who needs to grow up and move on. Sadly not only he's immature, but hes selfish and not ready for what's to come. He defiantly doesn't deserve you nor your baby. He's become a burden in your life when you're in a situation where you need a man the most. If he's not ready for you guys now, then what good is it to you in the future?. You need a man to help you grow and better yourself and not a kid whos interested in not working and spending mom and pops money on weed because he knows that one way or another you will provide for yourself and HIS baby. So why should he worry when he has you supporting his son and hes got his parents who provide for him so he can go have fun while you're struggling. And your inlaws... what the hek are they thinking? They're obviously in lalaland too, along with their child. I'm not judging you, I myself was with the wrong guy for a very, very long time and I can assure you they sound pretty similar. And mommy was always providing for him too and getting him out of trouble every single time he f***** up. It took me a long time to realize it was causing me more harm than anything. N i already knew how bad the situation was, yet for some stupid reason i couldnt let go. I was angry, bitter and so unhappy. Lucky for me I never intended to get pregnant from him as I figured it wouldn't fix things in any way and I would be stuck with all the work and responsability of not just 1, but 2 kids instead. You know your relationship is messed up and you know some things will never change. You know the answer to your own problem, but confronting the problem and putting it behind is the hardest thing to do. until you pull yourself together and do it, you will actually be relieved, stress free and happy! And that's the greatest feeling in the world!!! You'll look back and get mad at yourself for not doing it earlier. You gotta a long way to go, reach out to your friends and family... you will pull through just like many of us have. You shouldn't have to sit around and wait for a miracle to happen, you can't change stupid, you can't change selfish and you can't turn a kid into a man unless they want to. If he really cared about you and his son, you both definately wouldn't come last in his agenda...

[mommabear2015]

Seriously! I think about it like what will he do when the baby won't stop crying or a toddler is being crazy?? It makes me cringe thinking that he acted that way just being told the truth.

[GeekMom1213]

He didn't just "get angry". He got violent. He damaged her property - if a stranger or a drunk driver smashed up your car wouldn't you call the cops and press charges? Same thing - but more dangerous, since he is intimately involved. The next attack may be on her body and not just her property. I personally would file a police report and press charges, if there is any more negative contact I would file for a restraining order.

[Zara830]

Sorry but putting a restraining order on someone for gettinf angry sounds crazy. If you feel threatened then by all means you should do it but having a baby is stressful on both parents. Distance is probably a good option. It doesn't sound like you're ready to let go of him either. It's completely your decision. Ask your mom what she thinks since she was there.

[Star3789]

I agree with mommabear.  The police told me throwing things is considered abuse.  What he did is pretty serious!

[MzFancyPants]

Distance yourself! It was the best thing I did. It sounds like he's mad because you told him the truth and it hurt his manhood! Big deal! If he can't take legitimate criticism then he's definitely not ready to raise a child. Hopefully within the next few months hell realize what an *** he was and step up. But you can't wait for that. You just need to continue to focus on you and that baby. And pray.

[Pattypop85]

Thanks ladies. I've tried talking to him and explaining what I need from him. He says all the right things and has all the right answers and nothing changed. I haven't heard from him since he threw the carriage. I've tried giving him space before. We have seen each other twice in the last two weeks including yesterday. When I'm not with him, he doesn't call. If I call he doesn't usually answer, I'll get a call back hours later. I stopped calling. Nothing worked. I hear him saying how much he misses me, or loves me.. It's all just words. I've had enough. I just hope he gets the money to fix my car. I have enough finical strain, I shouldn't have to drive around with a broken car.

[lucindah]

My partner is abit like that but he dont smoke weed and has still got his job when the baby here it will be different story... but I mean if he cant get his act together tell him to do one and the money he spends on fags junk food etc he could be helping you... I would tell him if he cant give up weed fags then do one but it up to you as it your relationship

[m_r_p]

Sounds like he has anger issues? I've made my husband pretty mad and he's never thrown anything at me or my car. Honestly, his behavior is unacceptable. You have to decide if it's worth putting up with his crap or not.  I'm not sure I'd be able to do that personally.

[Ashymc]

I would give you two time to cool down. Let him start to miss you! Distance makes the heart grow fonder.  The more he realizes how much you have been there for him I'm hoping he'd turn around.  His parents Def should be encouraging him to better himself in the long run but now for that little baby coming. Take time to yourself relax and get your own thoughts together.  Look to friends and family for support! As far as your car goes hopefully he'll grow up n find away to fix it

[hbatz1989]

Is it just me or does this seem to be a trend lately? I am 25, I have a 3 year old boy and today is my due date with my second son. The last time this baby's dad even attempted to come to an appointment was the gender scan. Mind you he is 10 years older than me and already had 3 kids of his own before we got together I feel like he is the biggest p.o.s. out there.  He is constantly telling me I made the decision to have the baby so I should have to pay for it. I had to start working attempted 6 1/2 months pregnant because he wouldn't help with anything.  He has very terrible anger issues which caused me to have very high blood pressure and stress out all the time. I personally chose to remove myself from the situation completely and he doesn't want anything to do with me or the baby now. In my opinion it's for the better for me and my kids. You have to do what's best for you and baby. It's a mothers instinct to grow up when your pregnant, men just don't have that. It's like it's not reality until they can actually hold the baby and realize that you HAVE to have a job to afford diapers and wipes and whatever else is needed. Good luck to you!

[Zara830]

Wow that was the negative end of the spectrum. He isn't abusing her. He doesn't have a job. If you want to work it out you can talk to him. I would definitely ask him to find a way to pay for the car repair even if he borrows from his parents but I wouldn't call the cops and do anything drastic.

[inkedkelly]

Its rough im in a very bad situation as well. In my opinion best thing to do is cut ties with him even just for a while. You are cartying his child and thats pure lack of human respect. I dont know the magic words to tell you hun. But in my situation im choosing to completely remove myself from the negative situation. Im gonna go stay with family for a bit jus so i can relax and get to the calm states we need to be in during this. Positive energy your way and i truly hope the best

[mommabear2015]

I'd go file a police report and then get a order.of protection. If he snapped like that once he will do it again. Ive been there what if he threw that at you and hurt the baby? You need to.do.something drastic now. if you file a police report he will have to pay for it. I.would seriously think about.your baby and not.worry what he things anymore. soon enough you with be Be able.to.provide better for your son after schools done. All he will do is drag you down and use you.

[Zara830]

Hey Patty, I hope you have a better day than yesterday.  Stressing is no good girl. Baby's dad sounds a little immature. You know the saying that women become mothers during pregnancy and men become fathers after birth...maybe it will take for him to see your little guy before he straightens up. He doesn't have much time and his parents should be encouraging him to do better not only for you and the baby but for himself. I hope everything gets better for you two.

[alyjay2015]

He seems very lazy and irresponsible I would be prepared to haft to do this on your own..