Aa
Rainbow Pregnancy
With my first pregnancy I wanted nothing more than to become a mother and I was soo excited when I found out I was pregnant. Last December I was at the 21 week mark when I went into preterm labor and lost my son. After the loss of our son, my husband and I have been trying hard to get pregnant. And now I am, but I am finding that where I once felt love and excitement, instead I feel anxiety and fear that it will happen again. I have only known for a week and am only at the 5 week mark, but this isn't shaking. Does anyone have any advice or experience going through this?
Tavi12 I am so sorry for your losses. I know that this baby doesn't replace the ones from your previous pregnancies, but I hope this one will bring you joy and peace. Did most of your anxiety leave at the 20 week mark? Did you find anything would help you be more calm?
That's how I felt I miscarried at 20 weeks and when I got pregnant again I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks I felt defeated like I would never have a baby of my own over 6 months later I feel pregnant again and I was so worried as I was approaching 20 weeks I was having so much anxiety I'm currently 36 weeks and my little rainbow baby is perfect and I look forward to meeting him in 4 weeks or under :) just try to relax and enjoy it pregnancy goes by so fast I wish I would have enjoyed mine more but I'm happy that everything has been going smoothly
Neillila I was wondering how the appointments would work out and I do think more monitoring will help. And yes my husband and I debated telling people and we came to the same conclusion as you. With my previous pregnancy we waited to tell close family and close friends after the 12 week mark and because I wasn't really showing we never made the big fb or insta announcement. And apart of me does regret waiting so long to tell people. As in I cheated him in some way of not celebrating every moment. And because we waited so long to tell people and things still did not go as we would have liked I really don't see the point in waiting again. IMO it will always be hard to lose a pregnancy and you can go it alone, or you can include your friends and family so that you have more support and we prefer the later. I do feel every life deserves to be celebrated and if something awful were to happen atleast I tried to celebrate and appreciate my baby while they were here. So although this may not be the choice others would make I feel this is what is best for our family. And also these posts and talking with you ladies has really eased my mind and made me feel better and I thank you for that. It REALLY helps knowing I'm not alone and I want to thank you all. I hope WE ALL have healthy, beautiful babies when our due dates arrive!
Pregwith3rd786 I am so sorry for your loss. When I hear your story and the stories of other women I strongly believe you will all go on to have healthy babies. Because how could lightning strike twice, right? That is the only thought truly keeping me above water. If God won't give us more than we can handle, he can't allow it to happen again, right? I will keep you and your family (growing baby included
Lousie1986 I am sorry for your loss as well. But you are halfway and almost there, I wish you all the best:) And I have read that usually things get easier when you pass the time when you lost your child, I just wish there was another way. When I first found out I noticed I didn't really feel anything so I thought maybe it wouldn't be real until after I told a few close friends and nope, they seem to be ecstatic. So lately I've just been trying to fake it til I make it. It's a strange feeling knowing they are happier for me than I am.
I also actually did get a doppler this time around and it helped on those days between appointments. I purchased the Sonoline B around my 14 or 15 week.
I changed OBs. Since the beginning at 7 weeks pregnant, I had doctor appointments every two weeks. My ultrasounds were every four weeks. Now that I'm 32 weeks, in addition to the appointments and ultrasounds, I now go twice a week for stress tests. My current pregnancy is going very well and that has helped with my mood too. I'm not going to lie to you. When I was where you are now my emotions were so mixed. I debated about when or even if we tell people... It was a mess. But I will say I decided around the 10th week that this child's life deserves to be celebrated just like the first. It still takes effort even now because let's face it our innocence about pregnancy is gone. We've lived what could go wrong and it leaves scars. But as you progress along, you will be able to breathe a little easier. Hugs again and know you can do this!
I still remember the moment I had to walk into my own house empty handed after carrying her for 38 weeks. That was the biggest heartbraking moment of my life . It seemed like I was breaking into pieces. Didn't have the strength to put my foot down into my own place and also felt like my life ended there n then but I still had to live for my two boys.
I'm really sorry for your loss hun. I also delieved a stillborn baby girl last year august at 38 weeks it was really hard for me and it was so devastating how could something happen to my baby when I was that far along. Not a day goes by when I dont think about her and cry for her. Now that I am carrying this rainbow baby (its boy no3) I'm constantly nervous and scared at the same time (I'm in tears now writing this cant seem to help it). God has blessed me with another baby now I'll b 21 weeks tomorrow. I'm always praying to my God plz give me a healthy baby this time round.
I have had 2 scans already baby is going really well. I have requested for a scan every month to which they have agreed. And for my own piece of mind I bought a fetal Doppler when I was 12 weeks along. Just hoping we all have healthy babies. I wouldn't even imagine my enemy going through what I went through. Good luck to each and every1 of u
I have had 2 scans already baby is going really well. I have requested for a scan every month to which they have agreed. And for my own piece of mind I bought a fetal Doppler when I was 12 weeks along. Just hoping we all have healthy babies. I wouldn't even imagine my enemy going through what I went through. Good luck to each and every1 of u
That's really hard, so sorry you had to go through that :( I had a miscarriage last pregnancy and it took ages for me to stop stressing and actually believe it was a healthy baby. Feeling movement and then getting my 20 week scan helped a lot for me and I'm excited now. Your case is obviously different as it was so much later, with a lot more grief, but hopefully once you get past the 21 week mark you'll begin to enjoy it. Miscarriage and stillbirth can really ruin the enjoyment of pregnancy but hopefully you get much joy from the birth :)
That's reallt
You can always invest in a fetal doppler for your own comfort. I've heard of a few women on here buying the Sonoline B I think it's called. I might get one of those for my next pregnancy.
Maw4389 that is awful and I am so sorry you had to go through that. But it is truly encouraging knowing that you were able to try again and get a healthy, beautiful baby. I am soo happy for you and thank you for sharing your story, it brings me hope.
They ****** up on my blood work for the quad screening so it ended up coming back normal when it really wasn't (don't ask how they did that but they did...also the harmony blood test wasn't available at the time), and the guy that did my ultrasounds wasnt paying close enough attention. It was not my OB-GYNs fault in anyway. She can only go by the information given to her. They didn't notice anything wrong til my last ultrasound at 31 weeks or so...so they suggested an amniocentesis. I went in to do the amnio and that's when they found that there was no heartbeat. I still had the amnio done anyway because I wanted to know what happened. That's how I found out it was Trisomy 18. After 5 long days of inducements she was finally born sleeping. Only weighed about 2.5 lbs and was about 15" long. At my 6 week post partum check up I had a long talk with my OB. She believes that the blood work was done wrong and that the ultrasound guy should've caught the issues earlier. She was very compassionate and caring about the whole situation. I had told her that for my next pregnancy that that same ultrasound guy wasn't allowed to do my scans anymore and she was onboard with that. She had the high risk fetal specialist do all 4 of my ultrasounds for my second baby, but she was still my regular OB for my prenatal appointments. She made damn sure that there were no mistakes made this time and that I was well looked after. She was on holidays when I had my baby this passed December, but I had the top OB-GYN in the city deliver my baby instead. When I saw my OB at my 6 week post partum in January she was so happy for me she gave me a big hug. She was relieved that things went so quick and easy this time around. She said after all I went through I deserved a quick and easy labour and delivery.
Yes, Neillila most people don't know everything that happens after 20 weeks. But I am soo happy to hear you are 32 weeks and 4 days, that is amazing!!! How often do you get ultrasounds? Are you using the same doctor?
First, hugs. I too experienced a loss at 21 weeks with my first pregnancy. It's so hard because unlike the typical miscarriage most people don't understand that you have to deliver the baby at 21 weeks and you still experience all the symptoms of giving birth afterwards without a baby to show for it. All I can say is I felt exactly like you at the beginning of this pregnancy and I worried throughout the entire process so far. The lowest I felt was when I was two weeks away from being 21 weeks again because of my first pregnancy. But I'm currently 32 weeks+4 days. I'm just starting to feel some of that happiness I felt the first time probably because I'm in new territory with this one. It will be hard but try to enjoy the pregnancy the best you can. Because of my first pregnancy loss this one was treated as high risk which meant more ultrasounds. By putting the ultrasounds into an album, that helped me bond more with the baby. Now seeing her kick (she kicks hard) is very assuring. But I know I won't be over the moon happy until I have my baby in my arms. I wish you well with your pregnancy.
Oh my god, my heart just clenches when I hear that. I will never say a woman losing her baby at 3 weeks is something easy to get over, but I do feel the longer you carry your child the harder it must be. I really just cannot imagine what that must have been for you at 32 weeks. Losing my son at 21 weeks was THE HARDEST thing I have ever had to deal with. With my first everyone kept saying after you pass the 12 week mark, I'll be fine. So when you pass that and the dr keeps telling you everything is fine and you don't get to have the happy ending it really is unsettling. Did they not test for chromosnal abnormalities in your early bloodwork or did they just not catch it til later? I have been researching perinatologists in my area and they only do scans, unfortunately there are only 3 doctors that claim to have experience with high risk pregnancy and one of them was my previous doctor. With your following pregnancy did you see an obgyn that specializes in high risk? Did you keep the same dr?
I had 4 scans with my baby and at each scan I'd ask like 20 times if everything looked ok and seemed normal. Even at my prenatal appointments I'd ask if i was measuring ok and if the heart beat sounded good, etc. They gave me a lot of reassurance but it was still hard to completely believe them, especially since with my first pregnancy I was told everything was fine then all of a sudden at 32 weeks my baby girl died. We found out after that it was Trisomy 18. So the second time around I only let the high risk fetal specialist do my scans instead of just an ultrasound tech. Plus I had the Harmony blood test done early so I was able to find out the sex early and also found out that my baby had no chromosome abnormalities. That gave me some peace of mind.
I am so sorry for your loss, but I am soo happy for you and your bundle of joy. My husband keeps trying to reassure me everything will be okay, but for me it is a little hard to trust in that without holding him or her. Especially because my doctor doesn't know what caused me to go in labor so early before. Thank you for your words:)
Thanks rebeccarice!
Thank you for your kind words and I am sorry for your loss as well. Thank you for recommending an early scan. That is a really good idea. Maybe if I see my baby I will be able to build a connection. It's also very reassuring to know you were able to have a healthy pregnancy. Thank you!
I had a stillbirth in 2013 at 32 weeks. Got pregnant 6 months after. I totally understand your feeling more anxious and scared rather than happy and excited. I knew I was going to be a nervous wreck til I was holding my baby alive in my arms. In December 2014 I got to do just that...and the anxiety all went away :)
Sorry for your loss:( if you have an eaaly scan you should wait tell at least 7 week because baby's heart starts at 6 weeks good luck wishing you a healthy happy pregnancy!!
Firstly im So sorry for ur loss....I had a missed miscarriage 3 yrs ago, ( I found at at my 12 week scan my baby had stopped growing at 7 weeks :-( ) I got pregnant again a yr later & chose to have an early scan privately at 8 weeks to check everything was as it should b & it was :-) baby had a strong heartbeat & it really reasured me untill my routine scan at 12 weeks, I wont say it I didn't worry thoughout my pregnancy cuzi did! But it did help, so mabie u could do the same? 3d/4d scans a little later in pregnancey are also great for reassurance! my daughter is one now btw! Very healthy & a bundle of mischief lol & im now 37 weeks with my 2nd daughter :-) so there is no reason why your pregnancy now wont be a healthy one :-) good luck & try to enjoy your pregnancy
You are reading content posted in the Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community
Get information and tips on how to help you choose the right place to deliver your baby.
Get the facts on how twins and multiples are formed and your chance of carrying more than one baby at a time.
Learn about the risks and benefits of circumcision.
What to expect during the first hours after delivery.
Learn about early screening and test options for your pregnancy.
Learn about testing and treatment for GBS bacterium.
